Several posts ago I talked about an interesting woman by the name of Arielle Ford who had just published a book about Wabi Sabi Love. I have not had an opportunity to fully immerse myself in this unique study of an ancient Japanese art form, but Arielle sent me an interesting report today that I think is worth passing on to the readers of Wrights Lane because it addresses a theory about male/female relationships that I totally believe in.
Research by Sandra Murray, a psychologist at the University of Buffalo, reveals that putting on “rose colored glasses” and idealizing our partner in life actually leads to more happiness and satisfaction in the relationship.
In fact, the happiest couples focus on what’s right and not on what’s wrong. This is also known as the Pygmalion effect, the phenomenon in which the greater the expectation placed upon people, the better they perform. It’s a form of self-fulfilling prophecy.
Many years ago a study was done in schools where three teachers were told specific information about their students.
The first teacher was told her students had all tested with a high level IQ. The second teacher was told her students were all very average. The third teacher was told her students had learning disabilities and had below average IQ’s.
At the end of the school year the teacher who was told her students had “high level IQ’s” discovered that they all tested exceptionally well. And, conversely the teacher who held little hope for her students discovered her kids tested badly. The teacher with the “average” students also discovered they performed as expected.
As mature adults, we get to choose our thoughts and beliefs so why not intentionally intend and expect the best out of ourselves, and our partners? Why not wear “rose-colored glasses?” Rosanne and I both keep a pair and a spare on hand at all times.
(One disclaimer here, this is not an invitation to go into denial or accept bad behavior or harmful situations. In the event you find yourself in an abusive relationship, you are well advised to seek professional counsel immediately.)
