FRANKLY SPEAKING ABOUT TRUE LOVE

"Love is a many splendored thing
It's the April rose that only grows in the early spring
Love is nature's way of giving a reason to be living
The golden crown that makes a man a king."

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A very good acquaintance has challenged me to write about "love".  Not adolescent puppy love.  Not exploratory love.  Not the kind of love associated with the pre-marital sex accepted as the norm in this day and age.  Not horomal-driven sex/love, but the kind of love that exists between two mature and selfless husband and wife soul mates -- the kind of love ideally suited to bring children into this world.  The kind of love that sets an example.

It is my fervent wish that at least a handful of young people will take the time to read and to absorb what follows in this post.  It comes from someone who has had experience in this area -- twice!

Emotional feelings arise from
the heart.  Love is an affair of
the heart.

In all honesty. I think that most of us have never been formally educated in the fundamental area of  love in our development as human beings.  Chances are, we did not grow up with parents who were relationship experts either, and we certainly did not study the meaning of true love and how to find it in our high school curricula. For most of us, arriving at true love has been an adventure in trial and error and learning through good times as well as bad -- the emotional highs and lows of early life.  I truly feel, however, that we are wired for the (*)Agape type of love which is the ultimate in idealistic relationships.  It is just that when entering adulthood today young people with surging hormones do not understand the requirements of true love, any more than they know how or where to find it.

Unfortunately, the tendency is to release our youth into the world and hope (and pray) that intuition and dare I say, luck, will eventually work in their favour.  To those of my generation, I say:  Don't complain about how much things have changed today because we live in a society that we ourselves have created through among other things, permissiveness and oversight.  Our culture is giving young people the impression that sex and love are one in the same and that is soooooo wrong, both morally and psychologically.

In accepting my friend's challenge, I expressed reservations about my ability to do justice to this subject in mere words when true love can only expressed through "actions of the heart".  Love is best seen as devotion and action, not an emotion. Love is not exclusively based on how we feel. Certainly our emotions are involved, but they cannot be our only criteria for love. True devotion will always lead to action stimulated by what is felt within the heart.

Forget the too-little-too-late outlook.  We have to somehow find a way to impress upon young people today the qualities to be found in a truly loving relationship.  In so doing we can do them a great favour by saving them from much heart ache and grief down the road.  For instance, they should grow up knowing that:  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Did it not just occur to you that what I stated in the forgoing paragraph was a condensed modern version of a very meaningful biblical reference?  1 Corinthians 13:4-8  describes the characteristics of true love in the best way possible.  Too often, when dating, the tendency is to look at physical appearance and popularity without first getting to know the person with an eye to the potential of a life-long relationship based on the qualities described in those four brief bible verses.  Regardless of religious persuasion, or lack of same, there is no better blueprint for loving, harmonious, fulfilling, male-female relationships.

In light of the Corinthians quotation, it is easy to see that premarital sex is not patient, it is not kind, it does not protect; it is merely a self-seeking quick fix with ramifications that can be devastating to both parties.  Because premarital sex is not love, it only leads to pain and disappointment for those who are seeking that love. When two people are married, they become one flesh.  Sex is a consummation of that union.  It is a gift for choosing well and making a commitment to a life partner who is the "right fit"  for you.

It is a well-kept secret, but scientists tell us that the body releases a hormone during the sex act that bonds a couple together emotionally.  For a male the effects last for 48 hours, but for a female the effects are extended over a 14-day period.  That explains why, after engaging in sex with someone who is not an ideal fit, couples go through agonizing and frequently damaging break ups in the short term as well as in more prolonged affairs.

True love is never to be taken for granted.   It is not to be played with as one would a toy.  When we become adults we put aside childish things.  There is another message here too, especially for boys/young men...When a girl gives herself to you, it is generally because she has special feelings for you.  Do not take advantage of that without seriously considering that you are "messing" with her life and that she is someone's daughter, sister and (if not you) someone's future wife.  Respect what she is.  Be one of the good guys who understands that all good things come to he who waits.

True love is a blessing.  You can see it in your partner's eyes and you can feel it in your heart.  It gives you chills.  It is unconditional and uncompromising.  It forgives and forgets.  It bonds as one.  It is something you can't wait to come home to.  It outlasts hormones.  It comes in the form of perpetually spontaneous hugs and acts of affection for no particular reason.  It goes to the grave with you...It is for ever!

Cling to the one you love my friends and never let them go.  In the heart and soul of a very special and signiicant other, you have everything you ever needed.

Indeed, true love is a many splendored thing!


(*) Agape:  Love, but in the holy, rather than erotic sense.