A pat on the back, a caress of the arm—these are everyday, incidental gestures that we usually take for granted, thanks to our amazingly dexterous hands. I cannot help but feel physical touches are far more profound than we usually realize: They are our primary language of compassion, and a primary means for spreading expressions of compassion.
In recent years, a wave of studies has documented some incredible emotional and physical health benefits that come from touch. This research is suggesting that touch is truly fundamental to human communication, bonding, and health. In fact I've learned that people can not only identify love, gratitude, and compassion from touches but can differentiate between those kinds of touch, something people apparently haven’t done as well in studies of facial and vocal communication.
I want to illustrate the foregoing by relating a personal story.
Yesterday I attended a pre-arranged hospital consultation with my surgeon regarding unanticipated upcoming ostomy (colon cancer) correctional surgery. Maria, an ostomy specialist nurse, conducted the preliminary examination and listened knowingly as I related some of the stresses and setbacks in lifestyle that I was experiencing. She also sat in as the surgeon shared rather complex surgical options with me.
During the 15-minute consultation that followed Maria, a completely compassionate yet what-you-see is what-you-get type of person, stood a the foot of the examination table. While not aware of it in the beginning, I became sensitive to her hand placed softly on my leg just below the knee. Her hand remained there, unmoving for the duration of the meeting with the doctor, so it was not a temporary and fleeting action.
By no means a distraction, as time progressed I increasingly felt the impactful significance of the feeling emanating from her hand on my leg -- calming, assuring, caring, empathetic. The more I thought about it on the drive home from the hospital, the more significance I gave the simple gesture I had just experienced.
Was Maria unconsciously demonstrating a caring attitude, or was it a conscious nursely technique applied to a patient who might be suppressing anxiety at the moment? I intend to ask her about it next time I see her...just out of interest...not that it will change my reaction to it.
Either way, I felt it...AND APPRECIATED IT!
It is so often the small things in life that mean the most.
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