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Let me underline the fact that it is undoubtedly a comfortable feeling that there are certain people who are loyal friends on whom we can rely, whatever happens in our life. No question, loyalty is a personal trait that is to be highly admired and cherished.
But at the same time, I have to wonder if absolute loyalty, like absolute altruism, is incompatible with natural laws.
Traditionally, we swear an across-the-board oath of ever-lasting faith in our Creator God followed by an oath (vow) of eternal loyalty to a spouse, our country and even members of certain social organizations. But, in reality, how often are these oaths really respected over the course of an eventful lifespan?
Truthfully, we cannot fulfill such commendable oaths if loyalty is based only on a feeling of obligation or duty as is very often the case, frequently overriding the original purpose of providing support, warmth and friendship in human relations.
It is not too far off topic to reveal that on several occasions in the past I ignorantly expressed or justified loyalty on the basis that I was doing it out of an over-blown sense of obligation -- or duty -- when in reality that was only partially true in view of the fact that there was also deep love in my heart at the same time. I just expressed it awkwardly and insensitively and in retrospect sincerely wish I had an opportunity to take back those words, if only the dear souls were still alive to understand that love, not duty, was my main motivation in the primary care I was giving.
It is so easy to confuse love from the bottom of one's heart with duty and commitment when considering this rather complex subject.
So why must we formalize faithfulness by a solemn oath or promise anyway? Back to that in a moment.
Just over a century ago, Sir Winston Churchill left the Conservative party in Britain and joined the Liberals. The story is told that, upon hearing her husband criticized as a "turncoat," Lady Churchill remarked, "I prefer my husband to be loyal to his ideals and not to a party that is no longer loyal to them."
To my mind you can decide to be loyal to a god or an ideal under all circumstances but there is room for caution when making this kind of promise to an individual. God remains steadfast, people can and do change. Just as you cannot love on command (or demand), you cannot be loyal on command without exposing yourself to the distress of following a code of behavior in which you no longer believe. If you try to do it, you either develop inferiority complexes because of your failure or you become miserable by acting in a manner that does run contrary to your nature.
I ride the fence on the idea that loyalty should be absolute and unchanging to the point of wondering if it is actually unnatural to a degree. I harken back to a period in history where great rulers who eventually became powerless advocates of a lost cause often formally relieved their subjects, and in particular their soldiers, of their oaths of loyalty to spare them unnecessary guilt and suffering.
The same is true of a wise spouse who does not object to separation or divorce when the relationship becomes manifestly untenable. It is better to amputate a badly infected dying limb than to hang on to it until it kills you, mainly because it is yours.
The guilt of a broken vow too weighs heavily and has long-lasting implications. I think that separations and divorces, marital in particular, are generally the saddest, most devastating things that can happen in anyone's life...So is maintaining a relationship out of a sense of obligation and long after the bloom is off the rose.
Is there anything more pathetic than putting up a good front and pretending out of a sense of duty or, worse yet, to save face for whatever reasons.
I pray that I should never become so jaded as to even imagine a society where we no longer swear fidelity even to God, apple pie and motherhood.
But in today's world I can't help but wonder...sometimes. Heaven help us if we arrive at a point where we cannot put faith in so-called permanent institutions. Still bad things happen because life is like that and we have to be prepared to face the worst with reasoned rationality and resolution.
Bottom line, do not take loyalty and associated oaths and vows lightly. We're talking about the glue that traditionally holds relationships together, or at least makes one think twice when inevitable uncertainty enters the picture.
Let your avowed love and sense of commitment (not to be confused with obligation) develop naturally and surely. If you are fortunate and it is predestined, you will live with your loyalty in tact for a long and glorious rest of your life.
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