I can be accused of over-writing on the subject of human relations but I have done so as much for my own benefit as for the edification of others. There is always the hope however, that something I've written has resonated with someone. On Wrights Lane in particular, I have come to the conclusion that I have worn myself thin on this issue and herewith declare that my moralizing will cease with the following post. Readers, if there are any, can now breath a sigh of relief.
Because I am an original crazy mixed up kid having to fend for himself from virtual puberty, I have found it necessary to study human nature and human relations ever since becoming involved in public affairs and communications work dating back to the early 1970s. I've often struggled to internalize resultant knowledge and wisdom over the years and to incorporate the mindful practice of certain agreements or conclusions into a more manageable life. It hasn't always been easy McGee!
When I use the word struggle, I mean coming from an inbred reactive kind of personality to a place of sought-after personal power. Certainly, living in a reactive state is not healthy, nor is it coming from a position of strength.
Being reactive to an unfortunate situation — even if it is just someone cutting you off in traffic, a newspaper reader challenging your coverage of a news event, or a public complaint about a product or service — I have found it to be a draining way to manage personal and professional affairs.
I've learned that perspective is how you handle the roller coaster of life that we are all on. It helps us maintain balance when so many little things throughout our day are out of our control.
Mindfulness and awareness are the keys to re-conditioning our brains to a place of non-reaction and power. Ideally, a new mindset changes our perspective.
As a wordsmith of sorts who best expresses himself by means of the written word, I am mindful of the power of words. They have the potential to seep into everything around you, including written text; they have the power to lift and the power to destroy. Writers are in possession of impactful tools that have to be handled responsibly.
In truth, oral words too are capable of becoming part of the furniture; they can hang in the air permeating every part of the atmosphere, so it behooves us to speak them with mindfulness. When you are “impeccable with your spoken word” you:
--Think before you speak
--Speak with integrity.
--Say only what you mean.
--Don’t gossip.
--Don’t speak negatively of other people.
--Don't speak negatively about yourself. Silence your inner critic. Rid irrational chatter from your mind (to this day I victimize myself with that one).
How this agreement will shift your life:
You will experience less negativity in your life, and you will have less conflict with the people around you, whether that is with your partner, your boss, your friends, your family, your peers.
Another hard-learned lesson i.e. When someone insults you, cuts you off in traffic, belittles your talent — it’s not about you. Let me repeat that...It is not about you. It is about them, what they are going through and what their reality is at the moment.
You do not have to accept the judgment of others. When you practice this agreement with yourself, you agree that other people have their own unique identity and their own reality that you don’t have anything to do with.
When you accept this, you recognize that the other person’s opinions of you do not necessarily describe you. Caveat: This applies to the good things they say about you also, or the possible offer of well-intended alternative suggestions or thoughts from which you can benefit.
Taking things personally means you agree with what that person is accusing you of, and you don’t have to. You can choose not to allow it to affect you at all. You don’t have to give it any space in your brain. Being the only one in control of your thoughts is freeing and empowering.
And consider too that nothing others think or say is really about you...Other people see the world with different eyes...Everyone has a different truth. Your truth can be entirely different than someone else’s truth.
If someone gets mad at you, they’re dealing with their own baggage. And besides, you aren’t in other people’s minds as much as you might think, and you’d be surprised how little people’s thoughts are about you.
When you don’t take anything personally, you will be more open and loving and less fearful of being vulnerable with those you love. There will be a lot less drama in your life.
Then there's the matter of making assumptions. This is another difficult one to deal with.
I have a tendency to think I can read minds. When I assume I know why someone does something, it inevitably creates issues for me, and nine times out of ten, I’m wrong.
Knowing you can’t read minds is freeing. Really, you have no idea what’s going on in someone else’s head. When we make an assumption like that, we assume that it is true, when most likely, it is not.
Assumptions most certainly cause misunderstandings between people. More often than not this causes unnecessary drama and chaos between loved ones and us. Be aware and mindful of when you make an assumption. If you aren’t aware you are making one, you won’t be able to stop the thought process.
There is of course always the option of seeking the truth from friends and family when you are wondering about something they did or said. However, be ready for the truth when you ask for it. It can not only be enlightening, but outright shocking.
When we stop making assumptions, we stop over-analyzing situations, and we start understanding the truth. Once we know the truth, we can make better decisions in general.
Mind you, significant change doesn’t happen overnight or from a surface-skimming overview such as this. You have to continually work at it with strong resolve. Quite honestly, it takes practice but the ultimate transformation in your everyday existence will be well worth the effort.
At least, it has worked for me...And boy, I've needed all the help I can get along the way!
In spite of it all, you know what? There are still certain things and people that bug me. After all I'm only human!
Say good night Dick!
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