Sharing with you things that are on my mind...Maybe yours too. Come back to Wrights Lane for a visit anytime!

18 April, 2010

NO COMPROMISES IN REAL, SELFLESS LOVE


I honestly think that some people go through life not knowing what it is to truly love and be loved.  Oh sure, some are good pretenders and there are others who settle for love substitute relationships with the hope that by working on them they will eventually bring about a mutually satisfactory end result.  Still others with misguided expectations, blindly look for love in all the wrong places because their take is stronger than their give

Worse yet, Heaven help anyone who sacrifices a degree of love for financial security.  Ultimately, the price paid  in business-type arrangements leads to nothing but a personal sellout and emotional bankruptcy.

Unequivocally, I promise that if you have to pretend or be deceitful in a relationship, or work hard in the beginning to make it work in the end, you will spend the rest of your life dealing with the status quo.  Some may argue differently, but I strongly believe that you know very early in a relationship that what you are feeling and sharing is the real thing and that it has potential to stand the test of time.  When red flags present themselves, however, that is the time to take a step backward and to consider your wisdom in going forward.  Holding on with false hope to save face or because of a fear of what others may think, is a mistake  that all too frequently is made by some very unhappy people. 

I talk as frankly as I can here because there are those very  near and dear to me who, I have a sneaking suspicion,  have yet to experience true love in its glorious, heart-throbbing, mature, as-it-should-be form.  That is personally troubling and very sad, to say the least.

Having the strength and foresight to end an ill-advised, rather one-sided relationship, a young woman talks  openly about heartbreak and understanding the "differences of love".  In so doing, she performs a great service for those struggling as she once did.  I quote her words verbatim here in the hope that they will have impact where I feel it is most needed.  She relates it as only someone who has been there and done that can.

Her bottom line message:  As difficult as it may seem at the time, there can be life after the devestation of an unfortunate emotional entanglement.  Embrace it, learn from it and live in it.

A "Brave" Young Woman Takes Control

"I’ve realized that some people are only capable of taking love, but they just can’t give it.  They don’t know how to, not really, not in a real way.  These people believe that love is what others can do for them, give to them.  They think that love involves another person making them feel differently about themselves. They think it’s just about having a warm body at their disposal, or a hand to hold --someone to listen, another paycheque.  They don’t understand what it’s like to selflessly love someone, just for who they are.  Love them because they are wonderful and lovable, and to not ask for anything in return.

"Then there are people who are capable of real love, a love without agenda, without thinking about what they can get back, or get out of it.  It’s about loving someone and wanting only for them to be happy, wanting to care for them, look after them, appreciate them, wanting only for them to have the best life, to love them enough to not tell them how you want them to be, love them enough to say things that they don’t want to hear and love them enough to let them go without guilt or pain.

"I’m not talking about romantic love, or lust. I’m talking about loving someone for the goodness of their soul, loving them as a human being.  I understand it now and I wouldn’t change a thing. I would not change the hurt or pain or the suffering that I’m feeling now, because this is life.  This is feeling.  I’m feeling my life. I am in it. I’m not avoiding feeling uncomfortable feelings.  I’m not building walls to keep people out.  I’m not avoiding the experience or hiding from it because it might hurt me. I’m braving it.

"I can say that I tried. I was myself...Honest, accepting and without agenda, demands or expectations.  And I am without regret." 

God bless!

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