RECYCLING A PRICELESS NOTE TO THE UNIVERSE

Regretfully, Rosanne pasted and taped her note to the universe so well that I had difficulty removing it from the side of the cabinet.

My late wife Rosanne was a soft, caring, impressionable, demonstrative girl. If I (or anyone else) felt pain, she felt that very same pain. She loved unconditionally and that characteristic was often taken for granted, as if being too good to be true. But it wasn't!

In the last year of her life she worried about our dwindling resources and the fact that she herself was not able to contribute more to the upkeep of our household. "I've been thinking positive and praying for God to help us," she would say in earnest. "But it doesn't seem to be working."

"How have you been praying?" I asked at one point, adding "there is a right and a wrong way you know."

I suggested she write out her most sincere wish(es) and keep the notes handy so that she could see and reinforce them in her mind every day, and in the end, simply give it all over to the universe. 

"Remember the universe is responding to your energy Rosanne," I emphasized. "So if you feel truly positive and grateful for what you have manifested, you are asking the universe to send you more reasons to feel positive and grateful. At the same time, whether you are praying or releasing thoughts to the universe, you should also express gratefulness for the blessings you already have in life and it is best that you be specific in what you are asking for."

Many people get stuck at this stage. It can be hard to feel grateful for something you don’t yet have. It can be particularly hard to feel positive if you are currently suffering through a negative situation in your life, especially for someone like Rosanne who had a long history of health problems and personal setbacks. 

Knowing that I now had her fuIl attention, I left her with a final thought to ponder: "Gratitude is actually the beginning and end of the manifestation process. In order to be in alignment with universal energy, it is important that we focus on all that we have to be thankful for. This will lift your energy and help you to manifest good things...Try it, you have nothing to lose sweetheart!"

We did not discuss the subject further. I was always full of ideas that Rosanne would selectively take under advisement. We went on to the imminent bitter end, facing our struggles as we always had -- together.

Skipping ahead to a few weeks after her passing a year or so later, I mustered up the wherewithal to clear out our living room that had become a glorified hospital room. I found a hand-written note taped to the side of a cabinet that had stored all of Rosanne's meds and other health needs. The note, incidentally, had been positioned in such away that only Rosanne could see it from the vantage point of a reclining lift chair that she had literally lived in for the better part of two years. It read as only she could have written it:

"UNIVERSE...We are so ready & We thank you for all your blessings $1,000,000 PLEASE. Our love and thanks."

I suggested she be specific in what she asked for and she was just that, and polite too ("please" and "thank you"). The poor, dear girl had listened...I don't know about the universe though.

As I write this piece, I plan to preserve the fading and tattered note by framing and hanging it in an appropriate location in our home. 

It will serve as a living testimonial.

The universe has a way of taking its time...and sometimes fulfills wishes in other ways.

It was almost worth a million dollars for me just to find Rosanne's note!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Concluding note: Equating God with the universe is not a new idea, of course. Pantheism is a basic concept in various Eastern religions and other philosophical systems, and has made inroads in popular Western thought over the past few decades. It has a variety of forms, but they all boil down to the belief that the universe is God, or at least indistinguishable from God. According to this view, God is not a personal being independent of His creation, but rather an impersonal all-encompassing force, made up of all things and all creatures in the natural order. In short, God is everything and everything is God.

A RARE LOOK AT LOT'S WIFE AND THE STORY BEHIND HER

Lot's Wife Pillar of Salt rock formation beside the Dead Sea, Jordan

In keeping with my fascination for legends and folklore, I am reminded that the Bible is an excellent source of these types of tales from olden times and the story of "The Woman Who Looked Back" is one of the earliest examples. The Bible does not tell us the woman's name in Genesis 19:26, as she is only referred to as “Lot’s wife,” but Jews reflect her name as either Adith or Irith.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question: "Why was Lot’s wife turned into a pillar of salt?"

Answer: Genesis tells the story of the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Lot, Abraham’s nephew, lived in Sodom with his family. His daughters were engaged to local men. Lot was sitting at the gate of Sodom, the area where financial and judicial transactions took place, when two angels came into town. Lot invited them to stay with his family. After a rather exciting evening, the angels made sure Lot, his wife, and his two daughters left before God destroyed the city. As they fled, the angels warned them, “Escape for your life! Do not look behind you, and do not stay anywhere in the valley; escape to the mountains, or you will be swept away”.

Lot ran, his daughters close behind. “But his wife, from behind him, looked back and she became a pillar of salt”. She lagged behind. She turned and watched the flaming sulfur fall from the sky, consuming everything she valued. Then it consumed her. The Hebrew for “looked back” means more than to glance over one’s shoulder. It means “to regard, to consider, to pay attention to.” The Scriptures don’t say whether her death was a punishment for valuing her old life so much that she hesitated in obeying, or if it was a simple consequence of her reluctance to leave her privileged life quickly. Either she identified too much with the city she was leaving behind—and joined it—or she neglected to fully obey God’s warning, and she died (turned into a pillar of salt) as a result.

                                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fifteen words in the Old Testament tell the story of Lot"s wife.

This one brief, dramatic record has placed her among the well-known women of the world. The 15 words are: "But his wife, from behind him, looked back and she became a pillar of salt." (Gen. 19:26)

In the New Testament there are three other references to Lot's wife...Jesus held her up as an example, saying: "Remember Lot's Wife (Luke 17:32). This is one of the shortest verses in the Bible, its terseness probably best explains its urgency. In a previous passage Jesus had been speaking of those in the days of Lot who "did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they builded (stet), but out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all" (Luke 17:28,29).

The impression conveyed is that Lot's wife was a woman who ate and drake and lived for things of the world. In Genesis we do have a scriptural record that her husband was a rich and influential man. We can also assume that Lot's wife was a worldly, selfish woman who spent lavishly and entertained elaborately. Max Eastman, in his movingly realistic poem Lot's Wife says, "Herself, like Sodom's towers, shone blazingly." Here, we imagine, was a woman who wore many jewels and dressed in the richest and most gleaming fabrics.

Rubens, in his "Flight of Lot" (see photo below) painted in 1625, pictures Lot's wife with her daughters and an angel speaking a solemn warning. One of the daughters leads an ass loaded with vessels of gold and silver, while another bears a basket of grapes and fruit on her head. The wife clasps her hands and looks beseechingly in the fact of an angel who warns of her fate if she be disobedient. The family procession, accompanied by a little dog, steps forth from the gates of Sodom. Above the towers of the city walls fly frightful demons preparatory to their work of destruction. The air seems full of imps, while an evil spirit (hardly visible) hovering above Lot's wife, glowers at the angel who is trying to save her from destruction.

Painting "Flight of Lot" by Rubens

The fate of Lot's wife has inspired other artists too, all depicting a woman who had lived under the law, knew its penalties to be swift and immutable, and yet so loved the city on which God was raining fire from heaven that she willingly gave her life for one more look at it.

We can then understand that the 15-word Old testament biography of Lot's wife was written for those who love the things of the world more than the things of the spirit, those who do not possess the pioneering courage to leave a life of ease and comfort and position for a life of sacrifice, hardship and loneliness. The biography also speaks a message to those who are unwilling to flee from iniquity when all efforts to redeem iniquity have failed.

It is likewise telling to note that Lot's earlier actions with his uncle Abraham were indicative of the kind of wife he had. Abraham and his nephew had become prosperous in herds and flocks. As a result, Lot was eventually offered a choice of territory and he chose the most fertile plain of the Jordan. Though we have no record of his wife in this transaction we can visualize her as a woman sharing his selfishness, without dissent, and prodding her husband to greater wealth at any cost.

When Lot first came into the fertile plain of Jordan, he pitched his tent "toward Sodom," a phrase that indicates that he was not then a part of the wicked Sodom and Gomorrah. But again, isn't it easy to imagine that his wife wanted a big stone house in keeping with her husband's great wealth? Was a tent on the outskirts enough? Wasn't she hopelessly bound up with all the materialism of Sodom?

When she had to flee, she just had to look back in spite of warnings otherwise. In this she reminds us of a woman who, after leaving her burning house, rushes back for treasured material possessions and is burned to death in the process.

Certainly Lot's wife bears none of the qualities of greatness that we find in the noble women of history -- those, for example, who left England on the Mayflower and landed on a desolate coast in the dead of winter to carve new homes in the wilderness of the New World. Those women, too, had to leave all behind, but they were wiling to make the sacrifice in order that they and their families might have religious freedom.

Even though Lots wife was well out of Sodom with her daughters and husband before the destruction came, she could not be influenced either by the warnings of the angels or by the pleading of her husband. And as she looked back, she was turned into a pillar of salt as depicted in the painting below.

Tradition has pointed out, however, that a mountain of salt at the southern extremity of the Dead Sea, was the spot where the event took place. The text described it as a rain of "brimstone and fire from the Lord out of heaven," by which the whole district was engulfed and destroyed.

Geologists explain that at the south end of the Dead Sea is a burned-out region of oil and asphalt. A great stratum of rock salt lies underneath the Mountain of Sodom on the west shore of the sea. This stratum of salt, they say, is overlaid with a further stratum of marl, mingled with free sulphur in a very pure state. Something kindled the gases which accumulate with oil and asphalt resulting in an explosion carrying red hot salt and sulphur high into the air.

Literally it could have rained fire and brimstone...The cities, the whole plain and everything that grew out of the ground were utterly wiped out. This may explain the incrustation of Lot's wife with salt when she hesitated and possibly even turned back.

The differences of opinion regarding the myth and the literal aspect of Lot's wife do not change the great truths of the story. She still stands as a permanent symbol of the woman who looks back and refuses to move forward; the woman who faced toward salvation still turns to look longingly on material things she left behind.

One thing is certain. The story of Lot's wife has not lost its savor in all the thousands of years since Old Testament writers recorded it.

LISA PAYNE WENT ALONG FOR THE RIDE AND LIGHTENED HER BUCKET OF ANOTHER WISH

I cannot help but feel that the following story warrants broader circulation because it is about people and horses helping an ailing woman fulfill a dream...a story you do not hear every day. Special thanks to Sandy Lindsay of the Saugeen Times for making this available.

When it comes to a ‘bucket list’, it’s different for everyone … from wanting to skydive to bungy jumping, from wanting to trek to Nepal to white-water rafting.

For Lisa Payne however, it was as simple as wanting to ride a horse … because Lisa has a debilitating hereditary disease but one that hasn’t stopped her zest for life. Lisa has what is known as CMT.

CMT or Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease is an inherited peripheral nerve disorder that was named after the physicians who discovered it in 1886: Jean-Martin Charcot, Pierre Marie and Henry Tooth. It is a condition caused by one or more defective genes that can be inherited from one or both parents.

CMT affects the nerves that control voluntary muscle activities with symptoms that include weakness of leg muscles, difficulty standing, frequent tripping, difficulty walking, difficulty moving fingers, hands, wrists, feet and tongue and foot deformity.

Physical therapy is a treatment that involves many stretches and exercises to help increase muscle strength and prevent muscle loss or atrophy.

Lisa is assisted into a lift chair that will in turn
ease her into the saddle.

However, for Lisa Payne, it is also about living life to the fullest. She turned 50 in July (2020). “My mom went into a nursing home at 40 years of age and passed at 59. Part of the reason for my bucket list is wanting to squeeze as much life out of the time I have … and celebrating 50 ‘not’ in a nursing home is in and of itself a gift.

Payne’s aunt and uncle, Julie and Larry Cardiff, have been helping their niece fulfill her bucket list and arranged for a horseback riding session at the highly renowned therapeutic equestrienne riding facility, Pegasus Riding Association Nurturing Challenged Equestriennes (P.R.A.N.C.E.) in Port Elgin.

At the beginning, Payne was very hesitant and tentative as she was lifted on to the back of Sienna, a gentle chestnut who patiently waited while her rider settled into the saddle. The staff and volunteers reassured her and explained that nothing would happen until she was ready to move to the riding arena.

PRANCE handlers walk with the riders, carefully handling the horses, while giving the riders a sense of confidence as they eventually moved into a comfort with the animals. By the end of the session, what had begun as tentativeness ended up in a relaxed easiness, at one with the horses and with smiles all around. 

“If we can help someone like Lisa fulfill a dream, then that’s what is the most important,” says Ann Marie Johnston, manager of the facility.

What’s next for Lisa Payne? She has tried axe throwing and now horseback riding, so who knows what’s next on her ‘bucket list’ … but there is no doubt that she will be trying something unusual.

Good for her...and good for all those out there who are willing to help make dreams come true!

WALLY FLOODY WAS THE STALIG LUFT 111 TUNNEL KING

Four Canadian POW’s. (Clockwise from top left) Sam Sangster, “Scruffy” Weir, Henry Birkland (murdered by the Gestapo after being recaptured from the Great Escape), and Wally Floody (transferred to a different camp shortly before the Escape). (Credit: Imperial War Museum)

The mass escape of 76 airmen from a WW2 German POW Camp on March 24, 1944 was made famous by the Hollywood blockbuster action film The Great Escape. Few know, however, that one of the main characters behind the escape had roots in Ontario's Huron and Kent counties. 

Wally Floody, better known as the Tunnel King, was born Clark Wallace Chant Floody in Chatham on April 28, 1918. His mother, Mary Chant, was a Clinton native. She married William Floody at Clinton’s Wesley Methodist Church in 1916. Wally attended vocational school in Chatham and spent his summers working on a cousin's farm tending livestock just south of Clinton. He graduated from high school in 1936 at the height of the Great Depression and worked the gold mines of northern Ontario where he learned skills that proved invaluable in planning the Great Escape.

Barbara Hehner, in The Tunnel King, wrote that when war broke out in 1939, Floody was working as a cowboy on a ranch in Alberta. He wanted to join the Royal Canadian Air Force but his marriage to Betty Baxter in 1940 almost grounded his flying aspirations as the air force only wanted single men. Eventually, with his wife’s and the RCAF’s permission, Floody was allowed to enlist. He was commissioned a pilot officer and flew a Spitfire with #401 Squadron.

P/O Floody was shot down over France and immediately captured by Germans in October 1941. As a POW, his skills as a hard rock miner in northern Ontario made him a highly prized asset in escape operations. At his first camp, Floody was involved in two unsuccessful escape attempts. For his troubles, he was sent to the famous Stalag Luft III, a large POW camp consisting of over 2,000, mostly Commonwealth, fliers (in fact, unlike in the movie, the only Americans involved in the Great Escape were wearing Canadian uniforms).

In 1943, work began on the most ambitious escape attempt of the Second World War. RAF Squadron Leader Roger Bushell put Floody in charge of constructing three escape tunnels code-named Tom, Dick and Harry.

Engineering the tunnels was an enormous task conducted under almost impossible conditions. Each tunnel was dug to a depth of 30 feet and had to extend over 350 feet to reach the nearest wooded area. Every three feet of tunnel produced 1.5 tons of dirt. Floody overcame the difficulties of disposing of the enormous amounts of bright yellow dirt without being detected by ever-vigilant German guards.

Enlarged view of one of the tunnels.

Actor Charles Bronson in the role of "Tunnel
King" Wally Floody in movie The Great Escape.

Shoring up the tunnels with wooden slats taken from bunks meant that the tunnels were a claustrophobic two feet by two feet. At 6’3” tall, Floody took his turn digging in the tunnels and passing dirt back to the man behind him. On at least two occasions, he was nearly buried alive in tunnel collapses. Despite the danger, Hehner recounts that Floody overcame his fear and focused on doing his job.

Eventually, the guards discovered Tom, while Dick was shut down, but Harry was still an active tunnel in March 1943. But just three weeks before the escape was to be made, he and several other airmen, all suspected escape artists, were transferred to another camp. Floody, who had done so much to make the escape happen, was denied the opportunity to be part of the escape.

Although the original plan called for 200 airmen to escape, only 76 made it out of the tunnel before the escape was discovered. Of those 76, only three escaped successfully. All the others were rounded up within a few weeks. Fifty of the recaptured airmen were shot by the Gestapo, including six Canadians.

It was a brutal act that shocked even Floody’s German guards. They allowed the inmates to erect a memorial to the executed airmen at Stalag Luft III. Floody was even allowed to attend a memorial service in December 1944. He told an interviewer in 1986 that “every time I tell my wife I might have been one of the prisoners who got away, she reminds me ‘Yes, but you might have been one of the ones they shot.”

Floody was liberated by the Red Army in April 1945.

Citing Floody’s “marked degree of courage and devotion to duty” in organizing the mass escape, King George VI awarded him with the Order of the British Empire.

He was nearly consigned to post-war anonymity until Australian Paul Brickhill’s book The Great Escape was published in 1950.

In 1962, film director John Sturges asked Floody to be the technical advisor in the big budget movie The Great Escape consisting of a cast of Hollywood A-list actors including Steve McQueen and Charles Bronson who played The Tunnel King.

Actor Steve McQueen, Wally Floody and Charles
Bronson on site of filming for movie The Great Escape.

Floody spent the next year on the set in Germany advising the production on historical accuracy.

Despite the film’s heavy emphasis on fictional American characters (indeed, only one of the 76 escapees was an American and he was serving in the RCAF), Floody said the film was realistic in many respects.

His accounts of how the tunnels were dug, the means used to extort or bribe guards to obtain illicit materials, right down to the electric lighting, the air pump and the trolley used to move dirt out and men into the tunnels, Floody reported, was very accurate. At one point, according to Hehner, Floody told the cast at dinner that “I know you’re getting everything right, because I had terrible nightmares last night.”

While the film gained critical and box office success, Floody enjoyed success in several post-war business ventures. He was a key organizer of the RCAF POW Association. Wally and his wife, Betty, had two sons, Brian and Michael. 

Although Floody was a non-smoker, he died of emphysema on Sept. 25, 1989 at the age of 71. Many, including his son Brian, attribute the cause of his death to work in the small confined space of the tunnels at Stalag Luft III.

His 94-year-old sister, Catherine Heron, in a 2014 interview said “We’re so proud of Wally, and what he did.”

And so should we all.

ABOUT ACTING ON LIFETIME DREAMS

In taking a trip around the horn a time or two, most of us have managed to gain some perspective on life and have learned to focus on what is really most important. Many of us too, have thought about past choices and how things may or may not have happened differently.

Not that we necessarily second-guess ourselves but in reflective moments, of which I have many, we tend to think "if I only had it to do all over again..." 

I hear frequently from a chap who claims to have made a million dollars in Internet marketing. Generally, I take what John says under advisement, but the other day he came up with an interesting philosophical concept.

"I've come to realize that life really is shorthand and it's passing by in the blink of an eye," he states. He went on to explain that recently he has been engaged in a mental exercise that he highly recommends for everyone. "Whatever you are doing today, or with your days right now, imagine eventually being 10 years into the future. And imagine being able to get into a Time Machine and visit TODAY (10 years earlier). Would you want to be doing now whatever you were doing then? Or would you wish you had spent those days doing something else?" he asks.

It took me a minute, but I was finally able to wrap my mind around what John was suggesting and quite simply it was that it is never too late to tackle something that you have always wanted to do. Mind you, I have always wanted to own a motorcycle but I am sure it would not be a wise move now at my age and delicate state of health. Some things are just not practical or in our best interests, given the fact that we are not as young as we used to be.

I see merit, however, in taking on a long-suppressed challenge if it is a reasonable one and that you can get started with it in some small way that can be accommodated in your life at present time. Fulfilling a lifetime dream or ambition can be a gratifying experience.

And, know what? I might still get that motorcycle -- providing I win a lottery. Now there's a double-whammy lifetime dream for you!

Then again, maybe I would be well advised to lower expectations just slightly by settling for an age-appropriate electrical mobility scooter. 

I don't know though...Having to settle for compromise seems like a real bummer to me. I'm kind of an all or nothing type of guy, even when it comes to fanciful dreams -- and motorcycles.

SOCIAL ISOLATION CAN BE LIFE-THREATENING

As a person who lives alone, I haven't found it to be a problem personally -- yet -- but as restrictions on social gatherings continue across the country in the fight against COVID-19, new research is revealing how the feeling of loneliness can have far-reaching consequences for people’s psychological and physical well-being, and even their life expectancy.

The findings, published in the journal Trends in Cognitive Sciences earlier in June, show how social isolation can negatively affect the health of the brain as well as the immune system.

“Social isolation, or a lack of social opportunity, gives rise to a sense of loneliness. Directly or indirectly, this feeling has many wide-ranging consequences for our psychological well-being as well as our physical health, even our longevity,” the study states. “In short, loneliness kills people.”

For the study, researchers at McGill University and the University of Oxford in the U.K. analyzed a range of existing studies on loneliness in order to explore the neurobiology of social isolation.

They found that loneliness can have a profound impact on the brain and that insufficient social stimulation affects its reasoning and memory performances, its hormone homeostasis, which controls blood glucose levels and blood pressure, its amount of grey and white matter, its connectivity and function, and its resilience to mental and physical disease.

The academics also found that feeling lonely can directly impair people’s immune system, which makes them less resistant to diseases and infections. They said those who were more socially integrated have better adjusted biomarkers for physiological function, such as lower systolic blood pressure, lower body mass index (BMI), and lower levels of C-reactive proteins, which are found in higher levels when there is inflammation in the body.

While short periods of loneliness in humans rarely have any long-term adverse outcomes, according to the study, persistent feelings of isolation can increase the risk for Alzheimer’s disease, depression, and poor sleeping habits, which can then lead to adverse psychological and physiological consequences.

That’s why co-author Robin Dunbar, an emeritus professor of Evolutionary Psychology at Oxford University, said the COVID-19 pandemic has the potential to make the problem of loneliness even worse. “These concerns can only be exacerbated if there are prolonged periods of social isolation imposed by national policy responses to extraordinary crises such as COVID-19,” he said in a press release.

What’s more, the research team said that many studies have shown that social isolation was a significant predictor of the risk of death. For example, a longitudinal analysis of 6,500 British men and women in their fifties found that being socially isolated increased their risk of dying in the next decade by about 25 per cent.

“We are social creatures. Social interplay and co-operation have fuelled the rapid ascent of human culture and civilization. Yet, social species struggle when forced to live in isolation,” co-author Danilo Bzdok, an associate professor in the Department of Biomedical Engineering at McGill University, said in a press release. “From babies to the elderly, psychosocial embedding in interpersonal relationships is critical for survival.”

And while social isolation can be dangerous for individuals, the researchers found it can also be harmful to wider groups as a whole. That’s because feelings of loneliness can be spread through a social network, resulting in a negatively skewed perception of society that is reinforced among the members of the group.

“Once lonely, humans can get trapped in a psychological downward cycle that can be difficult to escape,” the study said. “This is in part reinforced by a skewed perception of negative cues and social threat from others, or the expectation of being socially excluded by others.”

However, the paper went on to say that people who belong to more groups, such as sports clubs, church, charitable organizations, and hobby groups, were less likely to become ill and had higher rates of survival. They were also found to reduce their risk of future depression by almost 25 per cent.

So bottom line: Be cognizant of individuals in your social network who are hopelessly isolated. Reach out to them as much as possible, letting them know that you are thinking about them. Offering a virtual hug in the form of a kind word by means of a telephone call or a small gift token of some kind (cards, flowers, baked goods) during the COVID pandemic can also go a long way to making a difference in a lonely and isolated person's life. Who knows, you just might be saving that life!

END NOTE: One of my daughters has retired from her job and will be coming to live with me on a permanent basis at the end of this week. Together we will live out the isolation called social distancing that a deadly virus and health authorities have imposed on us. It's not going to kill us!

REMEMBERING MY FAVORITE FLOWER

HOLLYHOCKS are well past their best now and I equate it to seeing old friends fading away, sadly a little more each year. Very few gardens today include the husky, multi-colored giants. The hollyhock is truly a garden friend of mine, so much so that I re-produced this sentimental soliloquy a number of years ago as a tribute to my parents and marking the last time I was able to grow hollyhocks successfully in my back yard on Rowe Court in Brampton, circa 1990. Hope some of my friends can relate, including Joyce Shular of Southampton who, along with husband Harry, still grows them beautifully.

FRONT, BACK OR BENEFACTOR, WE ALL WALK "THE LINE"

"Thank you front line workers"...and those behind the line too!

You see signs and placards all over the place these days and I agree wholeheartedly with supporting "front line" workers who faithfully remain on the job to serve the public during the COVID-19 pandemic. But lest we forget the unheralded individuals who work behind the scenes (the front line, as it were) to help their front line cohorts keep the multitude of essential services functioning for the benefit all of us. 

As is so often the case with an odd-ball like me, this all reminds me of a classic song title "I Walk the Line" from the 1950's, because out of necessity we are all having to walk a certain line today and for the foreseeable future.

I know it's a stretch folks, bit it's all I've got!

"I Walk the Line" was a signature song for Johnny Cash in the '50s and like his "Ring of Fire", it remains one of my all-time favorites.

Now, if that is not a segue and a half, I don't know what is. Anything for a song, I always say.

“I Walk the Line” was Cash’s promise to remain faithful to his first wife, Vivian, while he was on the road. It seems a certain ring of fire interfered with this pledge though. The song became Cash’s first #1 Billboard hit. The single remained on the record charts for over 43 weeks, and sold over two million copies.

The title of the song was also used to name the Johnny Cash biopic film starring Joaquin Phoenix, and a Gregory Peck film. This song’s influence on the music world is palpable. In his autobiography, Bob Dylan makes strong mention of its effect on him:

“I Walk the Line [is] a song I’d always considered to be up there at the top, one of the most mysterious and revolutionary of all time, a song favorite of mine. 'I keep a close watch on this heart of mine.' Indeed. I must have recited those lines to myself a million times… When I first heard 'I Walk the Line' so many years earlier, it sounded like a voice calling out, 'What are you doing there, boy?' I was trying to keep my eyes wide opened, too."

So, with "eyes wide open" (oh God, there I go again infringing on an old church hymn of recall), I say to all front and behind-line workers today, "... to you we'll always be true"

It's not like we're married but after all, what other choice do we have?

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're there, I walk the line

APROPOS RECENT POSTS: A KINDRED SPIRIT HAS NO APOLOGY FOR BEING HERSELF JUST AS GOD MADE HER

I find it uncanny how every so often in life it is possible to come across a kindred spirit, someone who thinks as I think, speaks as I speak and is equally as openly self-admonishing. How rare it is to experience total empathy with someone you have never met.

Such has been the case for me with a complete stranger, a woman by the name of Jan Korvemaker from Parksville, B.C. Jan is a frequent contributor to a Facebook group site that serves as an on line gathering place for members and friends of the Presbyterian Church in Canada. Initially, I crossed swords with her on a generalized comment she had made regarding the church today in her experience, but the more I studied subsequent offerings from her the more I began to appreciate her and the brick wall she had experienced in trying to find a religious home she felt comfortable in belonging to.

Jan Korvemaker

I touched base with her and she has kindly accepted my offer of Facebook friendship and a request to re-publish some of her written work that has impressed me (providing I did not take her words out of context -- her request).

Jan is a middle-aged woman of Dutch birth who came to Canada with her family while still a pre-teen. She was raised in the Christian Reformed Church and was later to become a member of the Presbyterian Church for almost eight years before finding that she "did not fit in."

She does not currently belong to any denomination but is convinced that she definitely is a member of God's family and a follower of Jesus, of which I have no doubt. I was so impressed with something Jan wrote this past week that I wanted to share it verbatim on Wrights Lane because I could relate totally to her every line as if she had taken words out of my mouth. It was as if she was writing a personalized sequel to several of my most recent Wright Lane offerings

In explaining "No Apology!", Jan said that "this piece came so easily and when that happens I am pretty sure God had a hand in it...I couldn't do it without Him -- believe me I've tried."

Once again, I know whereof she speaks. Now here is what Jan Korvemaker wrote.

NO APOLOGY!!!

I make no apology for who I am!

I make no apology for what I believe — or how I see God as a Triune God, how I see Jesus, Scripture or the mysteries of God and Creation — and I make no apology for my relationship with God …

I make no apology for not always knowing how to explain my beliefs or find the words to explain why I feel the way I do about this and so many other things …

I make no apology for wanting to help others, for wanting to care, to be compassionate and kind, to be accepting and loving in all that I do and say …

I make no apology for hoping that I will be allowed to help or that I will be asked … Often asking someone for help also helps the one being asked …

I make no apology for continuing to hope, knowing it hurts when it doesn't work out the way I'd hoped — To stop hoping is simply not possible!

I make no apology for not always getting “it” right — for not understanding and making all those unintentional mistakes in the things I do and say …

I make no apology for not being perfect — I may wish I were, but I’m not, and neither is anyone else …

I make no apology for longing for more — That doesn’t make me ungrateful — I’m not! In fact, I feel and am incredibly blessed in so many, many ways, but I am human …

I make no apologies for those longings that have gone unfulfilled — painfully so at times …

I make no apology for those times when I feel heartbroken, brokenhearted or simply broken …

I make no apology for feeling isolated and alone at times! I am not the only one, but know I am often unable to fix or do anything about it …

I make no apologies for not being able to fix things for myself as well as for others — Some things simply aren’t fixable, but simply need to be gone through …

I make no apology for not fitting in or feeling like I don’t belong …

I make no apology for thinking differently or not according to the way today’s society decides I should …

I make no apology for speaking my mind or even playing the occasional Devil’s advocate — even when not always right, speaking out can present different perspectives to think and make up our own minds about …

I make no apology for not always being “politically correct” — while no offence is ever intended or deliberate, being “politically correct” for some, may actually offend others …

I make no apology for being me — A unique, but imperfect individual who loves to serve and help others, and who strives to be the person she was created to be, but who often gets it wrong in an effort to do right!

I am me! I may be imperfect, but I am loved by the God who created me to be who I am — and for that, I make no apology!

God bless you Jan Korvemaker. I envy you...I have so much for which to apologize! That's the one difference between you and I.

A SECOND RUN FOR A FOLLOW UP POST...

 I published this post on Wrights Lane a little over a year ago. In view of my "People Have Been My Undoing" item of yesterday (see below this one), I thought it pertinent to run it again.

June 17, 2019

THE PERCEPTION OF NOT BEING UNDERSTOOD CAN BE SELF-DAMAGING

One of the benefits of having a blog site like Wrights Lane is that I can work my way through what I perceive to be issues in my life and pass it off as interesting(?) reading. If someone can relate to my often self-deprecating subject matter, self-inquiry and discovery, then I see that as a bonus.

As a natural-born do-it-yourselfer, self analysis also takes the place of having to visit a psychiatrist.

I have never believed in conforming just for the sake of fitting into a set of circumstances, choosing instead to march to the beat of my own drummer as much as possible...and that alone may be a part of a bigger problem. It has been my experience that the average person is all-too-ready to accept like-minded thinking and personalities and does not readily go out of his/her way to try to understand differences of any kind.

All of which leads me to ask: "Do you often feel alone and misunderstood by other people -- readily dismissed?"

I kind of gain comfort in understanding that I am not the only one who feels this way. Come to find out, there are many people out there who feel alone and misunderstood and can even be underestimated by others for a number of reasons.

I may be an exception to the rule but paradoxically, such individuals are said to be usually more talented, intelligent and deep than those who reject them. It’s all because human beings tend to be cautious and judgmental towards those of us who live, think, behave or express ourselves just a little differently. So if you don’t share the interests and beliefs of the majority, you will probably face misunderstanding and rejection at some point in your life. For me, the feeling of not being understood has plagued me for most of my life and I have struggled to come to grips with it, often to my detriment.

Not feeling that others really know us can leave us feeling hopelessly estranged from the rest of humanity. It may well be that feeling understood is a prerequisite for our other desires to be satisfyingly fulfilled.

Without experiencing that others know us, or are able to, we’re left feeling alone — at times, despairingly so. It’s a bleak place to be and can lead to feelings of emptiness and despondency. Enduring feelings of acute isolation from others can make our existence feel like a sham. Loneliness has frequently been perceived as virtually synonymous with depression, which is why being afflicted with an oppressive sense of alienation can go hand in hand with dangerous thoughts and actions.

Let's consider some reasons why feeling that others are able to grasp the meaning of your words and actions is critical to achieving an enduring sense of security and well-being:

1. You are known: When you experience being misunderstood, the connection between you and the other person is (however temporarily) severed. You’re by yourself, “dis-joined,” cut off. I list this advantage of others “getting” you as the starting point, because I believe all the other benefits of being understood stem from this.

2. Your identity is confirmed: Having others see you as you want and need to be seen verifies your sense of self. It assures you that who you believe you are is understandable and justified. To feel truly “gotten” is to feel deeply, rewardingly validated.

3. You exist: Because we’re all social creatures, if you’re to feel “real,” a certain amount of external corroboration is necessary. As Michael Schreiner duly notes in The Need To Be Understood: “The unconscious fear that seems to always be lurking in the background is that if we aren’t understood it will be as if we never existed.” (A scary thought, indeed!)

4. You are connected: Feeling understood connects you to others, allowing you to feel welcome. Conversely, feeling all alone and detached from those around you can, emotionally, be extremely painful — as many a marginalized or shunned child would sadly attest.

5. You belong: We all need to feel that we’re related to a community of (at least relatively) like-minded individuals. Such an expanded perception of self helps to make our lives feel more meaningful, more purposeful — and it contributes to a sense of personal value as well. I have first-hand experience at, for various reasons, being disassociated from communities in the broad sense and down deep it truly does eat away at you. An activist, innovator, doer by nature I have found myself eventually withdrawing when I sense that I have become an unappreciated, disruptive force.

6. You’re accepted: Feeling understood is in many ways tantamount to feeling socially recognized, or “endorsed.” Even non verbally, another’s physical or facial reactions to something you’ve shared can be most comforting. Various acts of empathy (as long as they’re accurate) also connote acknowledgement, understanding, and support. And however introverted you might be, gregarious species that we are, no one enjoys feeling alienated from others or “all alone.”

7. You’re empowered: If you feel understood, you’re not groping your way in the darkness. With others’ respectful willingness to recognize you and your intentions, you’re empowered to attempt, and accomplish, things that you otherwise might not be driven to do. Things tend to matter more to us when we have a sense that others care about them, too.

Some may also judge us for being too quiet, unfriendly or aloof; others may believe that you are a weirdo because you are passionate about things they cannot understand. It’s not uncommon when even our close ones, such as parents or partners, seem to misinterpret what we are all about and underestimate our passions. No need to say that this can be much more painful than the lack of understanding from people you are not so close to.

Here's another one to try on for size -- the tendancy for indiviuals to restrict the difference or non-comformity in you to better suit their interests i.e. We'll accept you if only you adhere to sensorship and abide by our rules.

So, what can you and I do when we feel alone and misunderstood?

Sometimes, the best way to stop worrying about being misunderstood is to accept it as a reality you cannot change. You need to realize that other people have a different perspective on what’s right or wrong, good or bad, interesting or boring. Unfortunately, as I say, a lot of people don’t even try to actually understand an alternative thought or opinion –- they are too self-absorbed and quick to judge because it’s much easier that way.

So when attempts to explain myself frustratingly fall on deaf ears, instead of holding grudges and being mad at the world (been there and done that), I try to accept it as a fact and move on. Remember the quote by James Blanchard Cisneros: "Once you awaken, you will have no interest in judging those who sleep." Quite honestly, I continually struggle with this one.

I think that it is important to connect with the right people instead of trying to become more likable to the wrong ones i.e people you've never met or who, in the end do not mean a thing to you, or you to them. It’s pointless to try to connect with people who cannot recognize the depth of your mind and personality in the first place. You will inevitably face misunderstanding and, as a result, will feel alone and disappointed. My weakness is that I die a thousand deaths when people downright do not understand me and I am helpless in trying to do anything about it. I really do work hard to get over that and to understand that you can't win 'em all.

Following passions no matter what others think, is equally as important too. The only thing that truly matters is to find purpose in life and to build a lifestyle around it.

I know that it’s much easier said than done, but as soon as you find yourself and your path in life, you will realize that people’s opinion is the last thing that should bother you. Basically, it’s the need to be likable and socially acceptable that makes many of us unhappy (and especially those of us who are different in some ways from the rest).

Finally, it is well to remember that it’s okay to feel alone and detached from the world and people from time to time. Individuals with a deep personality are particularly prone to these feelings because modern society is driven by ignorance and superficiality. It behooves us, however, to do everything in our power to get over moods of self-pity and detachment as quickly as possible so that we can get on with the job of realizing our uniqueness.

Meantime, it's always a good idea to take an occasional step back and openmindedly evaluate how others may be perceiving us. It's important to know how you're coming across because ultimately intentions mean very little when it comes to social interactions. Communication isn't about what you intend to say so much as how you're heard. 

We may not necessarily be understood some of the time, but that doesn't need to stop us from being understanding all of the time.

PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY, BUT TRY AS I MAY, PEOPLE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN MY UNDOING

"I looked in the mirror and the enemy was me."

Self admission time.

It seems I'm ridding myself of a lot of inhibitions lately and it is not an altogether unpleasant undertaking because it involves honest, bitter-sweet assessment.

Now I ask you, what do you do with a guy who has an empathy for fellow men/women and relishes closeness, approval and acceptance but in the end always falls short of those personal relationship expectations? There is a sense that prodding, appeasing, conjoling, reasoning -- even teasing -- have customarily been met with with a degree of skepticism and misunderstanding by other parties so inflicted.

I've never quite come up with an adequate answer the question of winning people over and, if you have not already arrived at an observation, it has left me with sensitivity and an inferiority complex, for lack of a better way of expressing it.

Sixty-five years ago I began my working career in the men's clothing business and found out quickly that I was the world's worst salesman. I forced myself out of shyness to approach customers and when I actually sold something I worried about it for fear that the goods would not stand up or when the customer got home they would find that they did not like the product after all but felt compelled to keep it. Thereafter, rather foolishly, I was always reluctant to meet  that person socially, or to see them on the street, out of concern for what they were thinking about me or the item I sold them. So, right off the bat I was perhaps needlessly over-sensitive to other people.

A subsequent transition to newspaper work was like a breath of fresh air. I developed pride in my reporting abilities and in authorship generally. I sold nothing, circulation and advertising falling within the domain of others who were cut out for the job. My sole responsibility was to gather and disseminate the news responsibly and accurately. Slowly but surely, I gained confidence and advanced up the newspaper chain of command rather rapidly -- general assignment reporter, sports editor, news editor, city editor and finally managing editor. Then again the old people bugaboo set in.

Out of necessity I found myself being the nursemaid for a dozen or so upwardly mobile reporters and sub editors, all with their own egos and narcissistic tendencies and no doubt thinking they could do my job a lot better than me. Characteristically, office politics reared its ugly head and in the end I was not tough enough to withstand the pressure thrust on me by newsroom kindred personalities. As a last resort, I reluctantly walked away permanently from the newsroom and the media business because I was not equipped to be an effective people manager and it came close to ruining my health. Still, I miss the news environment to this day. If only I had the wherewithall to stay the course...

Fortunately, I was able to apply acquired newspaper skills to public affairs and media relations work in the keep an eye on your back business corporate world for the balance of my career, but it was still all about people. There was no escaping it and I soldierly persisted until my wife's failing health required a premature retirement in order to facilitate full-time care giving on the home front.

Things did not change much in retirement either when eventually I answered a call to lay ministry where I applied myself totally to the messages I delivered from church pulpits. Still I studied the faces in the pews and, being perceptive, knew full well that I was being received with a degree hesitancy and mixed emotions, dare I suggest occasionally putting the odd few to sleep with my methodically slow and hesitant manner of speaking. Always falling short of expectations and wishing it otherwise.

When actively involved in ministry and outreach, I was conscious of meeting individual needs and forever struggled with the feeling that I was imposing or forcing myself in areas that I was not necessarily wanted or welcome. Still do, for that matter. After all, who am I, other than an unordained pretender to the practice of being holier than thou?

So, where does all this leave me -- a self-professed public relations practitioner who faces obstacles in practicing and difficulty in relating -- to people?

The problems we all face with people

Granted, all our lives are filled with challenges. All of us struggle with personal problems such as stress, anxiety, depression, self-doubt, addiction, and worries about our health, finances, and future. Our relationships with our partners, children, and other family members are often riddled with conflict, and our relationships with our friends, neighbors, bosses, and co-workers are challenging as well. Society heaps on additional concerns in the form of crime, violence, economic problems, prejudice, political discord, terrorism, and environmental issues.

All of these problems are complex, and their solutions elusive. Yet they share a common link. For the most part, they are all caused by human beings. Most of the problems that we face — within ourselves, in our relationships with other people, and in society — are caused by people. Granted, a few problems don’t require human collusion (tornadoes and earthquakes come to mind), but most do.

Human behavior is by far the single largest cause of the difficulties that each of us experience in life. Most problems are people related, and the people who cause our problems are quite often us.

Therein lies a basic paradox about human nature. On one hand, human beings have used their intelligence, creativity, and ability to work together in groups to improve life dramatically through science, technology, government, philosophy, education, health care, art, and other features of human civilization. But, on the other hand, human beings also behave in highly maladaptive ways that create a slew of social, relational, and personal problems both for themselves and for others.

So, what is wrong with we the people?

Philosophers, psychologists, writers, theologians, and others have wrestled with this question for centuries. The theme that runs through this post is that the core of many of these problems is the pervasive human tendency to be excessively self-focused.

Naturally, we all focus mostly on ourselves and our lives, and we view the world mostly from our own perspective. But people are generally more preoccupied with themselves than they need to be. And their excessive self-centeredness, egocentrism, and selfishness underlie many, perhaps most, of our problems.

Prejudice and discrimination too are fundamentally self-centered reactions, as are greed, deceit, and treating other people unfairly. Many of the conflicts in our personal lives arise from our egocentric conviction that other people should do what we want them to or from their egocentric conviction that we should do what they want.

Likewise, many of our disageements with other people reach an impasse because everybody is certain that they are right. And, this unfounded certainty in our beliefs feeds political, religious, and cultural conflicts at every turn. We even get into heated arguments with each other about things that don’t matter very much simply because other people don’t agree with the way we see things.

Even in the privacy of our own minds, our preoccupation with ourselves often feeds ongoing anxiety, stress, shame, or dissatisfaction. In fact, our ruminations about ourselves and our lives can create stress and unhappiness even when things are actually perfectly fine at the moment.

Of course, to live happily and effectively, we have to think about ourselves, but our self-thoughts are frequently obsessive and distressing. I'm the first to admit to being a victim.

I also readily acknowledge that I can't do a damn thing about other people and their perception of circumstances; so it behooves me to stop worrying about it. I have to get tough for my own good while I still can. Go out and sell something, anything. Be prepared to have the courage of convictions and to give direction regardless of perceived resistance...And to practice what I preach, take it or leave it.

If all else fails and I am not up to this one last challenge, I am perfectly capable of walking away as I always have. In the end that will no doubt be the answer anyway. I can almost see it coming.

I am what I am, and I'm getting quite used to it. Long gone is the impulsive desire to win popularity contests!

That said, bear with me folks as I continue to strive to make an impact through the one thing I have left -- the written word....And remember that you too can walk away if and when you feel the impulse.

God knows, I fully understand.

But it still worries me to think that I may have unknowingly had a negative impact on someone somewhere along the line. Or like that shirt or pair of socks all those years ago, I may have sold an unsatisfactory bill of goods.

SINGING THE PRAISES OF CREAM...AND SLICED BANANAS

Cream is deemed the ultimate. It rises to the top...It represents the best of any crop...It enhances taste. It makes things better...It blends.

Cream even has endearing quality, i.e. the song lyrics:

"You're the cream in my coffee,
You're the salt in my stew
You will always be my necessity,
I'd be lost without you."

In fact, you can't say a bad thing about cream, with the exception of the nutritional notion that it makes you fat. And you know what? I am willing to give up most things in life for the betterment of my health, but not when it comes to cream. I absolutely insist of having cream (5 % is as low as I'm willing to go) in my coffee and on my cereal in the morning.

The combination of peaches and cream always has positive connotations too, as does anything with the addition of cream, like bananas for instance.

It is due to my mother's influence that, to this day, I like cream on fruit in general -- strawberries, raspberries, blue berries, apple and rhubarb sauces and of course the aforementioned peaches and bananas. Then there is cream on homemade puddings of all kinds -- jello, chocolate, vanilla, butterscotch, lemon, rice, tapioca, bread, you name it.

But back to singing the praises of a simple bowl of sliced bananas with cream and a sprinkling of sugar as a treat any time of the day or night, but primarily as a fall-back dessert after meals. Most household cupboards are stocked with bananas that have a short shelf life and what better way to use them up quickly and easily than as an inexpensive no-fuss-no-muss dessert with a few ounces of cream.

Bottom line: If you haven't tried sliced bananas and cream, you don't know what you're missing!

And, oh, I almost forgot...I always have a banana with breakfast too -- frequently sliced into my bowl of cereal and cream.

I would not leave home without having it!