Sharing with you things that are on my mind...Maybe yours too. Come back to Wrights Lane for a visit anytime!

25 March, 2010

A DREAM THAT HAS ME WONDERING...

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I am perplexed, maybe even slightly tortured by a dream that I had last night.  Generally I do not take dreams seriously, but this one has left me emotionally drained and searching for answers.

In my dream Rosanne and I were enjoying a nice evening of dining out when, just as our food was being served, the ring of a cell phone at my elbow disrupted the tranquil setting.  "I just wanted to hear from you and to know that you are alright," said the familiar voice of my late wife Anne (1940-2000).  "You'll be coming home soon I hope!"  The words piercing through my ears down to my gut.
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"Yes, I'm okay and I'll be there soon," I heard myself saying in response before hanging up.

Turning to Rosanne in shock, I explained that it was Anne calling and that she wanted me to "come home" and  I felt a responsibility to go.  "How did she know that I was here and how did she get this number?" I asked of an equally surprised Rosanne.  "What am I going to do now?"

I am not sure of exactly what Rosanne said in reply but I think that it was something to the effect that I had a decision to make
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Glancing up, lo and behold, there was Anne standing in the doorway with a knowing look on her face that I well remembered from our 40-year marriage.  "Oh my God, she's come after me," I cried.
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I was nauseous and trembling as I awoke to the dark reality of my surroundings, reluctant to even lift my head from the warmth of the pillow it was buried in.

As I write this piece now, I struggle to resist the urge to interpret that particular dream.  I fight a losing battle, at the same time not really sure if I want to know the significance of it, there being several possible scenarios.

Perhaps it is coincidental that death has been on my mind a lot these past couple of days.  Several former friends and acquaintances have passed away in addition to two very close relatives, one a mother (84) and the other her son (60), just weeks apart.
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Death, while inevitable, always has its sting.  There is so much that is unknown about it...So much that we will never know.  All we really know is that we miss our loved ones when they die.  We do not know what it is like to be dead and when someone dies and loses life consciousness, do they really know that they have died or what it is like to be dead?   Numerous theories exist on this subject.

Dreams too are a mystery -- and very personal.  Perhaps they reflect suppressed feelings or anxiety...I don't know.  Maybe I should not take all of this so seriously.  Maybe I'm just going through a rough patch and this too shall pass.  After all, I'm still alive and doing my absolute best to keep myself and Rosanne that way, just as I had done previously for Anne.  I have also dealt with, rationalized and compartmentalized my past, or at least think that I have.
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I can't help but wonder though...what awaits in the next life.  What, if anything!?
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'Til my next post, hopefully!

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