INTIMACY, WHERE ART THOU INTIMACY!?

Intimacy means that we’re safe enough to reveal the truth about ourselves in all its creative chaos.

Okay, I'm going to admit it -- I miss intimacy in my life.

The sad part of it is, the older I get and the more I think about it, intimacy is assuredly past tense in the ever-shortening period of time I have left on this planet. I mourn the loss of physical attributes to do much about it even if circumstances were different.

Oh sure, after almost 60 years of combined marriage to two late wives, I cannot deny that I enjoy the freedom to do my own thing -- go to bed when I want to and get up when the spirit moves me, eat when and what I want, not having to answer to anyone for my comings and goings and personal idiosyncrasies.

But there is no denying the need in all of us for a fulfilling intimate relationship, especially when you have experienced it once, or twice...You miss what you once had. The gentle touches, words of endearment, unconditional love that can only be shared by two soul-mates, someone to be there for you through thick and thin, someone with whom to laugh and cry.

A healthy intimate relationship can positively affect all aspects of life, including physical health and self-esteem.

Once our survival needs are met, no single aspect of our lives contributes more to our satisfaction or to our sense of psychological wellbeing than our intimate relationships.

Intimacy refers to a distinctively close level of communication between two people. Intimacy may be reflected in confiding or candid talk; meaningful shared silences; mutually enjoyed activities; or of course in sexual interaction. But "intimacy" is not a synonym for sex; rather, it should suggest the idea that sex is potentially a unique type of communication.

In an intimate or close relationship, you ideally feel free to be yourself, to care for another person, to ask for what you need. These are the relationships that contribute to our happiness or, when they go wrong or fail, to our misery. Intimacy also has been thought of as companionship and has been associated with emotional bonding.

Intimacy is a "warm friendship," while sexuality is the use of words, gestures, movements or activities that attempt to display physical affection. Put it all together in a neat package and you have pretty ideal makings for a fulfilling life.

What I am getting at here is that with the reality of never again experiencing that special kind of intimacy, you are left with one of two options -- wither up and die or seek ways of filling the void.

My way of filling the intimacy void is to increasingly occupy myself with what brings me the most satisfaction and that in large measure is communicating by means of the written word and exercising creativity from the safe confines of my home. There is one dangerous off-shoot in falling into the resultant lifestyle pattern, however, and that is the tendency to slip further and further into a state of reclusiveness.

A loner by nature, I think that people like me (down deep) simply need someone to appreciate who they are and to lend a sympathetic, understanding ear to their often-muted voice. 

Writers like me are susceptible to becoming reclusive because sharing knowledge or wisdom can lead to obsession. A friend stops by to ask if you want to go out somewhere and you shew them away; saying, "I can't go right now. I'm in the middle of writing an important article," or, the phone rings and you quickly stuff it under a pillow or choose to ignore the ringing until it mercifully stops. Life and everybody in it become distractions.

The ultimate goal of getting a point across releases us from feelings of insignificance and worthlessness. We imagine, or hope that what is shared on paper or screen makes something easier for someone else to understand, or helps somebody feel better, or makes another person smile or laugh. Ultimately a degree of relevance or a tiny nugget of God-inspired wisdom. Fulfillment is our lover.

Some times though, even people who enjoy being alone become depressed or anxious if they go too long without human contact.

As strange and contradictory as it may seem, I am a loner who needs people and if I can't have intimacy I'll settle for the next best thing even if it means at times putting everything aside, getting out in the world and imposing myself at the risk of being a little too aggressive. That's just my nature and I have to be ever cognizant of boundaries and sensitivities.

I am an all-in or all-out person of extremes and as old as I am, still learning how to effectively manage them. That alone should be enough to keep my mind occupied and off being intimacy starved. In retrospect, I really do not have much to feel bad about...Right!?

Still there are those times when I need to feel the warmth of a familiar hug...And there's no one there.