OVERCOME AWKWARDNESS TO FULFILL YOURSELF

I often talk about a young fellow who doubles as a piano player/teacher and communicator/marketer. He impressed me the other day with something he said about feeling slightly awkward at times when exercising a passion for music, because that is exactly the way I feel about my virtually life-long compulsion to write for public consumption.

Here's what he said that struck a chord for me: 

"When most people sit down and try to play the piano for the first time... it might feel incredibly strange.

"You might think, 'There are so many people who play the piano amazingly already? Why am I even trying this anyway?'

"I remember going into a conservatory and feeling so small when I heard so many amazing players. I would sit down at the piano to perform for my classmates every week... and often it felt SO awkward!

"But at the same time...

"When I got swallowed up in the joy of creating music it was so fulfilling! Even if I wasn't the best at it. Even if it felt a little awkward.

"Part of me was finally out there in the world and it felt so good."

So much of that reminded me of my struggles with confidence when I started out 60 years ago as a very raw and awkward cub reporter trying to fit into a newsroom environment that was completely foreign to me. The impulse was to ask: "What am I doing here? The guys sitting at those other desks are seasoned veterans and probably much better writers than I'll ever be." (A doubt substantiated more than once when the editor turned my story copy over to other reporters for re-write.)

Like so many other things in life, the more you do the better you get...and I persisted because I was fulfilling a need within me to master the written word and every time I saw my work in print I felt increasing pride in authorship. The fact that I was contributing to news of the day and people paid for it, was indeed fulfilling.

In time I began to write better than I spoke...Still do! 

Writing today continues to be an outlet for my need to communicate on a broad range of human-interest, sometimes inspirational, subjects. It fulfills me and it feels good! 

I felt awkward again a few years ago in pitching manuscripts of two books that I had written, so I self-published them...and subsequently failed to break even on the cost. Bottom line though, I put the books out there with great sense of accomplishment in the end.

I put myself out there virtually every day and it doesn't bother me in the least that there are highly-paid media commentators on the air waves, in print and on line who are much younger, smarter, articulate and better looking than me.

It has been years since I was compensated financially for anything I write and I'd rather have it that way. I do not have editors second-guessing me. I am my own publisher. And I have few critics bold enough to give me a piece of their mind, which is a bonus.

Talk about a writer finally having the best of all worlds!