A HEALTH(?) UPDATE:

Home this week struggling to recover from the side-effects of a life-altering Iliostomy divergent procedure at Owen Sound Hospital as the result of a blockage (cancer tumor) in my colin. Weeks of twice-daily radiation still ahead in London. A long, arduous journey for sure, but I'm determined to persist.They shoot horses don't they? Special thanks to friends who have expressed support and well wishes.

SANTA MAKES COMEBACK FOR LEGION AUXILIARY LADIES

Millie said that she'd been a good girl all year.

Santa Claus is getting up in years...So are the kids he visits!

It is all relative, I suppose.

I was lured out of retirement last weekend to play Santa (no doubt for the last time) for a bunch of girls attending the annual Southampton Legion's Ladies Auxiliary Christmas dinner. The "girls", 45 in all, ranged between 65 and 90 years of age.

Apprehensive and a little rusty at first, it didn't take long for me to fall back into the role of the Jolly Old Gent with the hearty Ho Ho Ho belly laugh that I had portrayed countless times in the past. It's like riding a bike...You never really forget how.

The ladies, for the most part, were like little girls again, peeling back the years for a few special minutes -- waving hello and giggling with glee as Santa made his grand entrance. For the next half hour, everyone in attendance had an opportunity to receive a gift from Santa and to sit on his knee...That's were the fun really began.

A big hug for Santa.

The individual reactions to Santa were interesting. Some of the ladies did not hesitate to rush up to Santa and to give him a big hug as they snuggled into his lap. Several kept coming back just to give Santa another hug and a kiss on the beard. Others were a bit more reluctant and had to be encouraged by Santa's helper to "Go ahead, sit on his lap."

"Where do I put my legs? one woman asked sheepishly. "What do I do with my hands?" yet another asked, causing laughter from the onlookers and a few provocative answers. 

Just as I remembered kids from my experiences at Sunday School Concerts, business parties and shopping mall appearances away back when, a few of the ladies were actually shy and hesitant, preferring to just stand beside Santa while their photo was being taken. One didn't want her photo taken at all, which was completely okay.

I got a kick out of one senior lady (an acquaintance) who kind of side-stepped me as she hastily made her way to the coat room. Not wanting her to get away that easily, I put out my arms in beckoning fashion. Without breaking stride, she looked back and exclaimed almost disgustingly "I know who you are!"

I'm still not sure if she was disappointed that I was an imposter and not the real Santa Claus or that she was simply letting me know in no uncertain terms that she saw through the charade.

As I later removed Santa attire in the men's washroom, I was engulfed by a familiar sensation...and it felt good that once again the old guy had brought joy and happiness into the lives of others.

I was sent on my way with a box of mashed potatoes, dressing and gravy (the kitchen had run out of turkey).

Merry Christmas to all. And to all a good night!

Good thing Santa had two knees!

AGENDAS: ENOUGH ALREADY!

Liberal democracy is facing its greatest crisis in decades and is increasingly challenged by an agenda driven society. We elect governments consisting of otherwise normal citizens who we think/hope will represent our best interests. That, in itself, is the beginning of a problem today.

We are losing trust and have become suspicious of government in general. It is a totally unhealthy envoronment that we are living in.

When duly elected governments at all levels make decisions contrary to our beliefs or agendas, we get up in arms and become so infuriated and vocal in our scathing opposition that we go so far as to stage public protest demonstrations and deluge social media with outrage. All of which enhances social unrest and drives a wedge deeper into an already divided country. 

What went wrong?

Many analysts focus on economic problems. Slow growth, rising inequality, and welfare-state cutbacks have made life more insecure for the working and middle classes and spread economic risk, fear of the future, and social divisions throughout western societies.

Others argue social grievances are to blame. Traditional norms about religion, sexuality, family life and more have been challenged while massive immigration and the mobilization of oppressed minority groups has disrupted existing hierarchies, leaving some citizens angry and resentful. Throw the environmental issue and a transCanada pipeline into the mix and you have added fuel to the fire.

Most discussions stop here, arguing economic or social change has led inevitably to dissatisfaction with democracy and a populist backlash. But economic and social changes only become problems if politicians, parties and governments don’t recognize and respond proactively to them.

In fact, dissatisfaction with democracy is rooted in the belief that democracy is not working – that it is unable or unwilling to deal with citizens’ demands and concerns. And there is evidence the dissatisfied are right: over time, politicians, parties and governments have become less responsive to a broad cross-section of citizens.

Slow growth, rising inequality, and welfare-state cutbacks have made life more insecure for the working and middle classes

The role of money in politics has also increased, skewing who politicians pay attention to and who controls the agenda-setting process. Several political scientists have found that the interests of economic elites and the organized groups representing their interests powerfully shape government policy while less well-off North Americans and the mass-based interest groups that represent them have much less influence.

In addition, private funding of campaigns has grown, influencing who runs for office, who gets elected, and what issues candidates respond to. Perhaps because campaigns increasingly require candidates to fund raise themselves, few lower-income people run for office.

This biases economic debate in particular since politicians with working-class backgrounds are dramatically more likely than others to take progressive or pro-worker positions, even when controlling for partisanship, district characteristics and other factors. The voting system also discourages particular groups from voting, particularly the poor and minorities, shaping what voices are heard at election time and within the political sphere more generally.

Given all this, it’s unsurprising that political scientists have found that senior staff members in government ministries – the people who help their bosses decide what bills to pursue and support – have “no clue what the grass-root citizen public wants”. The more time they spend talking to big business rather than mass membership groups, the more out of touch these staffers become.

Democracy is, by definition, “rule by the people”. This does not require a perfect correspondence between some impossible to define “will of the people” and political outcomes, but it does require that the divergence between the two not be too great. In addition, political equality is the heart of democracy: some citizens cannot be systematically and permanently more powerful or impactful than others. It is hard to recognize much less solve large social and economic problems if politicians, parties and governments are primarily responsive to elites or narrow groups of voters, rather than broad, cross-sections of the population.

We are living in a time when these basic features and requirements of democracy have been eroded, leaving many citizens feeling disregarded and disempowered. As one leader of the “yellow vests” movement in France explained, “What we want above all is respect” – leaders and government should not ignore our needs and concerns. If traditional politicians and parties cannot convince citizens that they are willing and able to do this, dissatisfaction with democracy will increase" – as will support for its radical alternatives.

As opposed to 50 years ago, governments today have to be more transparent and communications conscious. The increasingly noisy public is demanding it.

Do us all a favor government officials. In your zest to push your own political agendas, be conscious of the need to minimize potential for public opposition agendas and unrest. We, the onlooking public, desperately need a rest. It's driving the more pacific of us crazy!

Agendas. Agendas. Agendas. Everywhere agendas.

NOTE FROM DICK: I have an "agenda" of my own...and I'm not through with this subject yet. Make no bones about it, everyone has an agenda, even God. Sometimes we are conscious of this, mostly we are not. You'll hear more from me in a subsequent post.

ABOUT A NINE-YEAR OLD INNKEEPER WHO DIDN'T STICK TO THE SCRIPT

We're all familiar with the depiction of the night Jesus Christ was born. We have seen it in Christmas plays and pageants since we were knee high to a grasshopper. We see it in Christmas cards and religious art and nativity displays of all descriptions. Through the years artists have portrayed the nativity scene as they have imagined it. Each of us can readily visualize it -- the straw on which the baby Jesus lay, the rough-hewn wooden beams of the stable, the animals nearby, and the star-studded sky overhead.

In truth, however, no mention is made of that particular nativity scene in the Bible. It is the work of imaginative minds over the years. As long as we are clear on that fact...In reality, it is St. Francis of Assisi who was credited with staging the first nativity scene in the year 1223. According to his biography, St. Francis got permission from Pope Honorious III to set up a manger with hay and two live animals—an ox and an ass—in a cave in the Italian village of Grecio. He then invited the villagers to come gaze upon the scene while he preached about “the babe of Bethlehem.” 

With that as a clarifying introduction of sorts, I want to pass on to readers of Wrights Lane one of the most touching and meaningful stories I have ever heard about a Christmas pageant enacted by some school children, one young lad in particular.

It is a wonderful account of a nine-year-old boy by the name of Wally who played the roll of "Innkeeper."

Wally was in the second grade, though he should have been in the fourth -- but he was slow and had difficulty keeping up. He was big and rather clumsy, too, but he was well liked by the other children in his class, all of whom were smaller than he. But even though they liked him, it would irritate the kids when Wally would want to play ball with them, or to participate in any game where winning was important--and they would usually find a way to keep him out.

Wally would hang around anyway, though--not sulking, just hoping. He nearly always had a smile, and was always anxious to help any of his classmates, regardless of how they treated him. He looked out for the underdog. Sometimes, if the older boys chased the younger ones away, Wally would say, "Can't they stay? They're no bother."

Wally had his heart set on being a shepherd with a flute in the Christmas pageant that year. However, the play director, Miss Lumbard, felt that she needed to give Wally a part with not too many lines to learn, so she told Wally that she was giving him an important role--that of the Innkeeper. She also felt that Wally's size would lend forcefulness to his refusal of a room to Joseph.

A huge crowd gathered that night to see all of the children in their various costumes, with all of the extravagant props. No one on stage or off was more caught up in the magic of that night than Wally Purling. In fact, as he stood in the wings he was so fascinated with the drama that Miss Lumbard had to watch carefully to be sure he didn't wander on-stage before his cue.

But then came the time when Joseph appeared, slowly and tenderly guiding Mary to the door of the inn. Joseph knocked hard on the wooden door set into the painted backdrop. Wally the inn-keeper, swinging the door open, responded at that point just as he had been told--brusquely he said, "What do you want?"

Joseph answered, "We seek lodging." Looking straight ahead, Wally spoke awkwardly but vigorously when he said, "Seek it elsewhere. The Inn is filled."

Joseph responded, "Sir, we have asked in vain. We have traveled far and are very weary." But again, Wally looked properly stern and said, "There is no room in this inn for you."

Now Joseph was pleading. He said, "Please, good innkeeper, this is my wife, Mary. She is heavy with child and needs a place to rest. Surely you must have some small corner for her. She is so tired."

At that point, for the first time the Innkeeper relaxed his stiff stance and looked down at Mary. There was a long pause--long enough to make the audience a bit tense with embarrassment.

The prompter whispered from the wings, "No! Begone!" Stiffly and somewhat automatically, Wally repeated the words: "No! Begone."

Joseph sadly placed his arm around Mary, she laid her head on his shoulder and the two of them started to move away. But Wally the Innkeeper didn't follow the script at that point. He didn't go back inside his Inn. Rather, he stood there in the doorway watching the forlorn couple. His mouth was open, his brow furrowed with concern, and there were tears in his eyes.

And suddenly that Christmas pageant became different from all the others. Wally called out, "Don't go, Joseph! Bring Mary back!" As a big, bright smile creased his face, Wally added, "You can have my room!"

Some people in the audience thought that the pageant had been ruined. But many, many others felt it was the most meaningful and heart-warming of all the Christmas pageants they had ever seen.

I'M A TWO-TIME LOSER IN COPING WITH CHRONIC ILLNESS OF SPOUSES

This is a matter that I have wanted to write about for a long time, but lacked sufficient heart. Contrary to most Wrights Lane posts I will not edit as I write, choosing instead to just let my thoughts roll out unencumbered.

I live with the curse of being widowed, not once but twice, due to chronic, drawn-out illnesses (10 years each) of spouses. I wouldn't wish such a fate on my worst enemy. But in talking about what I have "lived" over a 30-year period, I hope that there will be significance in after-the-fact rationalization and confession that will have resonance with some and enlightenment for still others.

This will, understandably, be a one-sided retrospective that has roots in physical and emotional loss, dare I say pain.

Consider that on one side you have the chronically ill partner who has needs – sexual, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, to mention but a few.

Unfortunately, the chronic pain that comes with inflictions like Fibromyalgia (just one of the health issues endured by second wife Rosanne) gets in the way of fulfilling not just sexual needs but physical needs in general. Even a hug or a touch is often painful, leaving the person feeling physically disconnected from those they love. That physical disconnection can often lead to a mental and emotional disconnect when loved ones (especially a husband) misinterpret the lack of physical contact.

On the other side is the healthy partner who, while they see that their partner is hurting, doesn’t always disconnect that pain from their own. Instead of stopping to think about how much pain their partner is suffering and how much their partner is missing out on because of the pain, the healthy partner will often focus on what their partner is not GIVING them. This can cause them to withdraw or even lash out in anger and resentment.

Out of frustration and desperation, I often found myself saying and doing things that I later regretted and left me with a guilt complex that exists to this day. Things that I am sure undid all the good that I otherwise intended -- the personal catering, the daily health care facilitation, food preparation and attendance to virtually every need and whim. Not to mention countless hours spent in pacification, emotional counselling and just plain listening.

The words "Dick, I just don't want to talk about it!" also linger in my ears. Ill people sometimes resist attempts by others to draw them out...To express what they are really thinking, but in their mind it would do no good so why bother getting further upset.

The withdrawal by the healthy partner can and does lead to a vicious circle where the ill partner withdraws to protect themselves, leading to resentment on both sides. In many cases healthy partners withdraw completely -- from the marriage that it is.

In the cases of my two wives, I followed my heart and stubbornly stayed the course out of sheer dedication. Toward the end(s) however, I pretty much withdrew from society in general in order to singlemindedly cope with my lone steadfast priority. Laterly, I was a total mess and near the end of my rope, exhausted, hopeless and dangerously close to giving up the ghost.

It was God's will, I guess, that I survived and my wives were given Heavenly release. In essense, you will not understand any of this unless you have lived through it at least once.

So, what can be done to reduce the impact of chronic illness on marriage? Good question.

There is, of course, always counselling. But I'm here to tell you that is the last thing you welcome when your life is already turned upside down and invaded by doctors, nurses and health care providers of various descriptions. In the role of primary caregiver, it is all you can do to just get through most days. You are simply exhausted in all ways imagineable.

In my experience, and in retrospect, it is important that each spouse try to understand their partner’s point of view. The healthy spouse needs to take time to realize that the ill partner is also missing out on life. The ill spouse also needs to realize that their illness does affect everyone around them, and again in my experience my two wives did and it caused them great sadness, even depression. They were both outstanding girls in their own individual ways, unfairly gone too soon.

It is also important to remind ourselves that our partners did not stop loving us...they just lost their ability to demonstrate it in the previous ways of normal life. Intimacy, as difficult as it may be, is important even when you live with chronic illness such as the one brought on by the dreaded "C" word.

The need for intimacy never leaves us. I now struggle to supress the need, knowing full well that it is too much to expect ever again. Life as I knew it, for all intents and purposes, is over and I just fill in the time doing with it what I can -- and in the best way that I can.

And when all is said and done, you are left with devastating grief in the loss of a purpose in life -- the one person who stood by you through thick and thin and who loved you in a way that no one else could.

Yes, life does go on...but it is never the same.

And we cannot do it over again. That's the sad part!

I'm not sure that I would want to, even if I could.

JUST A THOUGHT FOR TODAY...LIKE IT OR LUMP IT

There is an expression currently circulating on Facebook to the effect: "Not everyone is going to understand you. So don't let what they don't know change what you do..."

That quote reminds me of several others:

"I stopped explaining myself when I realized people only understand from their own level of perception."

"Not everyone has to understand you...As long as you understand yourself." 

We often try to change the people around us. We want them to understand our feelings and we want them to know what is on our mind. But when you recognize that not everyone can understand how you are feeling, the reality sets in. 

Life is a journey we take on our own. Along this journey there will be people who feel similar to us or who can understand what we are all about, and those are the ones that we ideally keep around us. Those are the people that we marry even, God love them.

If you are on a spiritual journey, and you are trying to make others understand what you are experiencing, it will be difficult. In retrospect, if we remember the times before we were on this journey, we wouldn’t have understood any of it either. There are countless other examples to reinforce that reality.

Whatever journey we are on at this moment, it is ours to experience. I started  Wrights Lane some 15 years ago not only to share my experiences with others but to pass on gleanings of a human interest and (hopefully) inspirational nature. The people who resonate with my work will keep reading while others who do not have an interest will take a pass because what I write simply does not fit their life plan. 

It has taken a while, but I have learned to accept the things I cannot change and that in itself has taken a heavy burden off my shoulders.

As much as I would wish it otherwise, I accept the fact that ya can't win em all.

Life is just that way!

GOOGLE REPORT: SEARCHERS ARE "HITTING" ON ME!

As energy wains, I have been re-thinking the whole idea of online communications in recent weeks, particularly as it pertains to my Wrights Lane blog. The overriding thought being, who cares? What am I really achieving in the countless hours spent with the seat of my pants firmly planted in front of a computer keyboard and monitor striving to churn out meaningful commentary?

In reality, am I only disguising a suppressed need within myself to connect and be connected; something lacking in real life -- a need to express myself and, just as importantly, to be heard? In truth it can become an addiction -- an itch that needs to be scratched.

Interestingly enough, Google has implemented a new search performance report for bloggers like me and this morning (Dec. 4) I received the following data for "hits" on https://dicktheblogster.blogspot.com during the period Nov. 1 to Nov. 30. The numbers were extremely interesting and somewhat revealing.

"Hits" represent individuals looking for certain subject matter through their Google search engine. Not counted in that number are direct hits, or "viewers", by regular Wrights Lane followers and links through Facebook and other social media. Unbelievably, the hits in my initial monthly report were representative of 23 countries, with the United States topping the list as follows:

U.S. 103
Canada 52
UK 12
Australia 5
Ireland 3
Greece 2

Single (1) hits for the same period came from an additional 17 other countries. I would never have believed it.

This on top of the fact that Wrights Lane has had in excess of 142,000 views in the nine years that I have been publishing it. Add in 18 other companion sites included in the Wrights Lane roster and you are talking well over 10,000,000 viewers. Not bad, in retrospect!

It is rather ironic to acknowledge that all of this has been going on without me really knowing about it and it comes in the form of encouragement.

While I readily admit that through my writing I am filling a narcissistic need within me, there are demonstrated numbers sufficient to prove that there are people out there (around the world) who are actually reading my stuff and I consider that a win-win.

Writing what "wants to be written" is antithetical to writing for external validation. There is nothing that will freeze you more before a blank page than needing others to approve of and like what comes out, even you.

I’m not saying that having other people like my gleanings isn’t great, it is. Who doesn’t want to be liked and admired for their creative endeavors? Yes! I’ll be the first to admit that I do regularly check my recommends, comments and followers. We all want to be seen and acknowledged. But there is a difference between needing it and enjoying it as a badass bonus when it comes my way because I did what my expressive heart loves to do.

As one writing coach explains it: "When you allow yourself to simply follow your creative expression without it needing to do or be anything other than what it is, you experience your own divinity. You actually become a Creator. You, like God or Goddess or Source or Creator or Creatrix—whatever term you use—commit the act of bringing essence into form so that it may live a life of its own. That’s Creation."

And the truth is, you have no control over what happens to it after that, especially once you’ve pressed the “submit” button and published it in some form. You have no control over how you exist in other people’s imaginations.

...And that is what bothers me at times.