As parents of two daughters, Anne and I were blessed...Debbie and Cindy were shy by nature and rarely said a peep in public. They were especially quiet when attending public gatherings like concerts or church services and in all honesty, I don't recall ever having lectured them on the subject of behaviour outside of the home.
Lucky us, I guess! Unfortunately, not all parents are that lucky
In my capacity as a lay preacher, I am particularly sensitive to kids' behaviour in church these days and die a thousand deaths with now all-too-few committed and commendable young parents who have to contend with squirming, vocal, two and three-year-olds who have no other outlet for their emotions or discomfort with present circumstances other than to let it hang out for all to hear, regardless of the time or place.
Just this past Sunday I had competition from two crying tiny-tot brothers (about a year apart) who had grown weary of the church thing during prayer time and I paused long enough for mom to remove them from the source of their agony.
Lord knows, in order for church to survive in this day and age, we need a generation of children in the pews. The future depends on it!
At the same time we know too well that it is easy for young families to find excuses to stay home on Sundays, but even on the most stressful mornings it is important that Christian parents bring their families to church, even if they feel like they are going through the motions. Children see what parents do and the regular struggle to attend worship reinforces to our children that church is a priority.
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6.
Whether you interpret Proverbs 22:6 as a promise for raising your kids “in the Lord” or a warning about not doing so, there’s one thing we know: what you do as a parent matters and it will lead to results. Our children are going to become adults, whether we want them to grow up or not!
I recently learned of an excellent study of the book of Ephesians by J.D. Greear. In the study, he talks about how God uses common relationships – marriage, family, work – as “laboratories” to make us more like Himself. A study participant described one of these laboratories as the family, where children learn to obey God by obeying their parents. “When we are young, our parents represent the authority of God to us. In a way, they stand in for God for a time. We first learn to obey and submit to God by obeying and submitting to our parents,” he explained.
Greear describes this relationship like training wheels. “When you’re learning to ride a bike, training wheels are critical. But the training wheels were never the point. Riding the bike was. In our relationship to our parents, the goal isn’t mere obedience. It’s a healthy and honoring family relationship—and, more importantly, a trajectory toward God.”
The years our children are in our homes are critical. These are the formative years when they are developing their entire worldview. The majority of adult Christians became Christians before turning 18. Actually, many follow Christ between the ages of 4-14. On the other hand, we’ve all seen the troubling numbers of young people (the “nones”) who are much more likely to lack any religion at all. Belief systems tend to form early, and while they can – and do sometimes change – it’s critical for parents to have an active role in a child’s spiritual development early on.
It’s not likely that Proverbs 22:6 is a guarantee of success for committed, Christ-following parents. But, it is important to recognize the truth the verse contains. God has given us an incredible responsibility by placing children in our care. The family is a primary mechanism God uses to grow His kingdom and grow His people. As a result, it’s our duty to teach our children about God. We are in an influential position, and what we do today will matter in our kids’ lives tomorrow.
"If we wait until we have perfectly well-behaved children to bring them to church, it is likely Jesus will have already returned," commented one mother consulted for this post. "Looking back, things only got more difficult for my parents as my sister and I got older. I have distinct memories of my dad sitting in the station wagon idling in the driveway while my mom herded us out the door."
"Once I could drive we would often take three cars to get four people to church because nobody could get out the door on time to suit my father. But we followed his lead," she added. "Going to church wasn’t debatable, and nobody had to tell us that. It was this habit that pulled me through as I doubted my faith in my adolescence."
It should be recognized that salvation is not dependent on behavior, so we should not make church attendance behavior-dependent, either. Our children need grace, and so do we. Regardless of how the children are acting during worship, if worship involves entering the presence of God, then what better time than with screaming children to experience such a grace.
So dear parent, rest easy. While Sunday morning might feel more like a wrestling match, a battle of wills, or a circus, your time, efforts, and distracted worship are worth it. Even the messiest and most frustrating days are not wasted. Thank God for his grace—and keep on bringing your kids to church...We need them!
In a way, they need us too.
It takes a village...and always a church or two!
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