...BUT BE PREPARED FOR THE FALL OUT 

I have been writing for public consumption now for the better part of 60 years, first as a news reporter, then a columnist/editorialist and finally as an author and publisher of my own work in various print and electronic forms. As I evolved, it became clear to me that in order to survive, I had to learn to be at ease speaking my own mind...It did not come naturally. Voicing my feelings, opinions and convictions was a necessary acquired skill.

But, you know, there is a price to pay for speaking your own mind and a writer has to be aware of that fact and prepared to live with it. It simply goes with the territory. Yet I have never been totally comfortable in the environment. I've just accepted it as a fact of my chosen life

My foray into social media special interest groups, however is something else again.

When you join an interest group, you become part of a like-minded set of individuals who want to pursue topics of interest that you are also passionate about right. The structure of these groups ideally makes it possible to express opinions that may be unfavorable, which could create difficulties if they were expressed individually. By coming together as a group, special interests make it possible to encourage a more diverse set of opinions while presenting facts that may fall outside of the mainstream media.

There are also closed online groups where nostalgia and sweetness are welcomed but not personal opinions, observances or controversy of any kind. You can't look cross-eyed at anyone on these sites let alone trigger some one's sensitivity with a comment that has potential to be taken out of context. Sports and hometown groups are perfect examples. People are in love with their teams and special memories...and always on the offensive.

Because I like to be conversational and offer my thoughts on various subjects, I have lost count of the times I have seemingly offended someone on one of these group sites, prompting a warning or a scolding from the administrator after receiving complaints. I was recently told that I was welcome to continue posting items of interest but asked not to "weigh-in" or comment on other peoples' posts...All of which defeats the purpose in my mind.

And here's a rather ironic trueism. I have never had a bad experience with someone I've known personally. My disputes over something I've said or written have always been with people I've never met in my life and wouldn't know if I bumped into them on the street. That shouldn't make these matters any easier to accept, because it doesn't.

Bottom line, social media sites are no place for serious writers who are worth their salt and especially one who truely does care about what people think. On the otherhand if you are full of niceness and passivity, go ahead knock yourself out, but rest assured there will always be someone who will disillusion you -- spoil your fun -- and you will succumb to the instinct of running away and hiding.

Based on his experience handling such malice, a fellow blogger has come up with five different strategies one can implement when unknowingly offending someone in such cases. I find them to be extremely applicable, even for a worn out veteran of verbal warfare.

Tip #1 – Kill Them With Kindness

We all know there are people on this planet who can be overly sensitive. People who come to ridiculous conclusions from “reading between the lines.” People who turn non-issues into major issues, and try to make others side with them. People who are simply all too willing to start a fight.

You might be tempted to tell those people to go f*** themselves. Understandably, that's what most of us want to do. The trouble is, it only adds fuel to the fire. Take the high road and act like the better person instead.

Nobody's perfect. People can't always be counted on to think rationally or keep their emotions in check, including you and me. Keep that in mind the next time you face a situation that you can't resolve rationally.

Tip #2 – Ignore Them (Shake It Off)

I know the first tip isn't for everybody. That's why this one is a perfect alternative.

Are you absolutely sure that there was nothing wrong with what you said, wrote or shared online? If so, be confident enough to ignore the haters and those who claim you offended them. Remember that it's their problem, not yours.

You can't please everyone. Someone out there will always react negatively to your beliefs, ideas or values. Nowadays, it happens way more often thanks to social media. Anyone can spew out vile or ignorant comments in a matter of seconds while hiding behind their devices. Anyone can complain to a group administrator.

Forget those people. Stick to what you stand for and keep moving forward. When you shake it off and ignore the haters, you show them that they're just wasting their time trying to bring you down.

Tip #3 – Evaluate Your Position

This is where you have to put aside your ego and wonder if the offended party may have a point. This requires two actions that aren't always easy: 1) Having empathy for others. And 2) accepting that you're not perfect.

When you evaluate your position, try seeing things from the other person's perspective. How might you have come across without realizing it? Could you have chosen your words a bit more carefully? Made doubly sure that you weren't guilty of any of the silly power plays that often make people hate you?
Sometimes, little details in your speech or writing can trigger extreme reactions if you're not careful. Content that's subject to quick public scrutiny, for example a blog or social media special interest group, is particularly susceptible to this. When people smell a rat, they will jump on you with lightning speed, all too eager to thoroughly air their grievances. If you realize you're in the wrong, and that they have a point, then Tip #4 comes into play.

Tip #4 – Apologize Quickly

Have you concluded that you made a mistake? Then take responsibility for it right away. Willingness to make things right quickly is a clear and sure sign of a person who deserves respect, even after they've done something wrong.

Give such apologies privately. Public apologies almost always look insincere and often fail miserably, especially if the offense was serious. If the injured party sees that you've gone out of your way to personally apologize, they're far more likely to accept it. No promises: it is, after all, up to them. But at least you know that you've redeemed yourself.

Tip #5 – Communicate Effectively

A lack of effective communication is often the reason that conflicts don't get resolved. You may be “right”. You may have plenty of good reasons to hold your ground. But that won't settle the conflict unless you and the offended party give each other a chance to talk. And that is not always an automatic outcome. There are occasions when you do not actually know who you have offended, due to anonymity guidelines.

At the end of the day, communicating effectively with the injured party won't guarantee that both parties end up being friends or even agreeing with each other. But it always allows you to clear up any misunderstandings. And offering a private conversation is far more gentlemanly than waging a vicious Twitter or Facebook war. (Pro-tip: stop having arguments on social media altogether. They're a fool's errand, a waste of time, and really not good for your health.)

Bottom line: Don't let detractors stop you from doing what you do best and what you enjoy most. Don't allow yourself to be muzzled if you have the courage of your convictions. Just be true to yourself. You do not always have to be perceived as being nice because you cannot stand your ground, speak your mind, and expect to win the favor of everyone. Life is simply not like that!

When you've exhausted all five of the forgoing tips and you still have a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach about a personality clash or disagreement, take the closest exit. That's what I've done. Within a matter of days the stress, lost sleep, anxiety and hurt will all be but a distant memory.

At least that has been the case for me.

I can speak my mind to my heart's content on Wrights Lane, even though there are times when it gets kind of lonely here.