How many times have your heard someone, maybe even yourself, apologize for something said or an action taken by saying "I'm sorry, that really wasn't me" or "I wasn't myself at that moment"?
Well, I dunno. Unless, for some strange reason the apologizer was pretending, what "self" was responsible for what was said or done?
There are certainly times when we believe that a person’s actions reflect the situation they are in or their current mental state. We give the benefit of doubt. But, there are also times when we can't help but think that a person’s actions are indeed a reflection of their true self.
Most certainly, while the true self seems to be an important part of people’s beliefs about themselves and others, it is hard from a scientific standpoint to think of the true self as something that actually exists. That is, I may believe I have a true self, but is there actually a true self inside me? The idea that there is some deep hidden self that may be independent of a person’s actions for much of their life is probably best thought of as a valuable fiction. It can be useful to believe that we and other people are inherently good and moral, but that doesn’t mean that there is an inherently good and moral person lurking within every person just waiting to get out.
Generally speaking, when people think about their true self or the true self of other people, what characteristics do they believe that it has?
An interesting facet of the true self is that it seems to be a belief that is similar across cultures. That is, aspects of the true self have been explored in studies using many different populations around the world, and the beliefs tend to be quite similar.
Two core beliefs are that the true self tends to be moral and good. So, when people make a change in their actions, they are more likely to be judged as doing something that reflects their true self when they change from doing something bad to something good than vice versa. This is why someone who stops abusing drugs or alcohol is often judged as allowing their true self to come through, while someone who starts abusing drugs or alcohol is judged as obscuring their true self.
These beliefs also tend to lead people to assume that someone can change for the positive over time, even if many of their past actions have been bad. That is, we are reluctant to decide that someone is truly evil and prefer to believe that their true self has a moral spark that might someday lead them toward better actions in the future.
An interesting facet of the true self is that our beliefs about our true self and other people’s true selves are similar. This belief differs from the way we often treat our motives versus those of people from a different group. Often, we assume that we and people from our group have purer motives than people from some outgroup. But, we also assume that deep down (in their true self) members of other groups are good and moral people.
Again, I dunno!
To be honest, I'm still bothered by the "fake self" syndrome...You know, the plastered on smiles, the pretentious laughs and giggles. It’s the sickly sweet or overly macho personality fronts. It’s the posing and like-whoring on social media. It’s the pouting lips in photos and feigned expressions of surprise. It’s the prancing about and showing people an image of your life that isn’t completely true, just to gain validation or envy. I’m sure you can think of half a million other examples as well.
And here’s the thing: none of us are innocent. We’ve all been guilty of pretending to be people we’re not in the past. Whether out of fear, lack of self-awareness or the desire to be accepted, putting on a mask is sometimes our only choice. In fact, some situations in life do require us to adopt a certain persona. And that’s OK I guess -- as long as we’re aware of what we’re doing.
The danger comes when we have worn a mask for so long that we forget what’s underneath. And we forget who we are. This somewhat horror-like movie scenario happens all the time. Having self-induced amnesia is a terrible way to live life. I’m sure it’s happened to all of us at some point.
If you’re sick of being someone you’re not; if you’re tired of letting others dictate who you “should” be, no time like the present to find your true self and OWN it.
And for me, never having to apologize for yourself is tantamount. To hell with anyone who would dare change who you really are -- how you act, what you say -- just to fit into a manufactured set of circumstances. If, perchance, you determine that you were wrong in something you said or did (no one is perfect), by all means make amends and apologize as quickly as possible. Take ownership. Defend yourself if you have to, but don't pass the buck to the person you really were not at the time.
And another thing, after all said and done, if someone chooses to remain offended by what you were supposedly guilty of, it is no longer your problem -- it is there's.
Your authentic self, real self, or original self, your true self is the most honest aspect of who you are. In other words, your true self is the most authentic version of you – all masks, affectations, and retentions aside. Your true self is you when you’re at your most open, vulnerable, and carefree. Think about the times you’ve spent with those you’re 100% comfortable with or the times when you’ve been completely alone. These circumstances often reveal your true self.
Please note here that we are talking about true self with a small ‘s’ and not a large ‘S’. A clear distinction here is important. When I write about your true self, I am writing about the most authentic expression of your character and personality. I am not referring to your big Self (big ‘S’) also known as your Soul or Higher Self.
That's another story for another day.
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