UNDERSTANDING THE TECHNOLOGICAL REVOLUTION

The computer age and the information revolution have given all of us enormous power and the ability to reach virtually anyone at any time. Technology allows us to live more comfortably and work more efficiently, but can we understand how it makes our lives more meaningful?

On its own, science is neutral; it attempts to give us an objective view of our physical universe and its natural forces, but it does not draw a conclusion as to how we should use these forces. It does not deal with good and evil or with questions of morality. At its best, science acknowledges its own boundaries, recognizing that it is neither the basis nor the code for moral doctrine.

Technology, as with all forces in our lives, can be used either constructively or destructively. Developments such as television, computers, and lasers, and discoveries in nuclear energy, medicine, and biology — these are all instances of Godly forces that are manifested in nature. Man has been charged with tapping those resources to refine and civilize the world, to transform our material surroundings into a proper home for spirituality and Godliness.

"We can choose to acknowledge the “hand inside the glove,” understanding where the power truly comes from, and use these forces as tools to lead a more meaningful life. Or we can choose to be distracted by the glove, to see technology only as a means unto itself, using it for indulgent, selfish, perhaps even destructive purposes." So says Simon Jacobson in his best-seller "Toward a Meaningful Life", a truly fresh perspective on the aspects of life.

Why it's important to understand technology?

The sweeping technological changes that have taken place during the past several generations are in keeping with the prediction some 2,000 years ago in the Zohar, a classical text of mysticism, stating that in the year 1840, there would be an outburst of “lower wisdom,” or advancements in the physical universe, and an increase in “sublime wisdom,” or spirituality, would begin to usher true unity into the world, leading toward the final redemption.

Jacobson contends that the increase in both types of wisdom — wisdom of the mind and wisdom of the soul — has surely come to pass; where we have fallen short is in integrating these spheres of knowledge. "Only by balancing the scientific with the spiritual can we transform the dream of an ideal future into a functional blueprint for society, for true communication can begin only when human minds and souls interact. With communica­tion comes understanding; with understanding comes com­passion; and with compassion comes a natural movement toward universalism," he emphasizes.

So it follows then that the current technological revolution can be seen as the hand of God at work; it is meant to help us arrive at reality in our lives. And as time goes on, science will show itself more and more to parallel the biblical truths found in The Word of God, thereby revealing the intrinsic unity in the entire universe. An interesting prospect, to be sure.

The divine purpose of the present information revolution, for instance, which gives an individual unprecedented power and opportunity, is to allow us to share knowledge — spiritual knowledge with each other, empowering and unifying individuals everywhere. We need to utilize today’s interactive technology not just for business or leisure but to interlink as people — to create a welcome environment for the interaction of our souls, our hearts, our visions. Is that too idealistic, too much high apple pie in the sky? In the end, I will leave that simply as food for thought.

I must confess that my efforts to introduce spiritual pieces on Wrights Lane have been met largely with a big readership yawn while lighter topics and humor have been reasonably well received. Perhaps I am not the right person to be spinning this type of subject matter, deemed lacking in sufficient ordination or character to be taken seriously.

There is much to learn from the technological revolution, however, as long as we understand its role in our lives and see it as a final step in our dramatic search for unity throughout the universe. After all, developments in science and technology have taught us to be more sensitive to the intangible and the sublime: the forces behind computers, telephones, television, and so on are all invisible, and yet we fully recognize their power and reach. Similarly, we need to accept that the driving force behind the entire universe is intangible and sublime, and we must come to experience the transcendent and Godly in every single thing — beginning, of course with ourselves.

As author Jacobson puts it: "With all our human capacity for technological advancement, we should not forget our higher objective. We must strive to enhance our scientific search for truth by constantly expanding our spiritual search for the divine."

Understanding science and technology as divine tools for our personal and spiritual growth is critical for our well-being. It is well and good to learn to program a computer, but unless a student also acquires a sense of discipline and integrity, he or she might just as easily use that skill to wreak technological havoc on the world and we have already had too many examples of that in the past 50 years.

The best students — and the best teachers — recognize that there is much to be learned by inspecting the failure of cultures before ours. By doing so, it becomes painfully clear that no amount of wisdom or technology can overcome a value system that encourages selfishness, evil, character assasination or negativity. We must strive, therefore, to transcend humanity by constantly expanding our spiritual search and refining our ability to communicate objectively and humanely.

That, among other things, is what keeps me awake at night.

BE TRUE TO YOURSELF, WHATEVER THAT PERSON REALLY IS

How many times have your heard someone, maybe even yourself, apologize for something said or an action taken by saying "I'm sorry, that really wasn't me" or "I wasn't myself at that moment"?

Well, I dunno. Unless, for some strange reason the apologizer was pretending, what "self" was responsible for what was said or done?

There are certainly times when we believe that a person’s actions reflect the situation they are in or their current mental state. We give the benefit of doubt. But, there are also times when we can't help but think that a person’s actions are indeed a reflection of their true self. 

Most certainly, while the true self seems to be an important part of people’s beliefs about themselves and others, it is hard from a scientific standpoint to think of the true self as something that actually exists. That is, I may believe I have a true self, but is there actually a true self inside me? The idea that there is some deep hidden self that may be independent of a person’s actions for much of their life is probably best thought of as a valuable fiction. It can be useful to believe that we and other people are inherently good and moral, but that doesn’t mean that there is an inherently good and moral person lurking within every person just waiting to get out.

I have looked into this subject quite extensively because, truthfully, I have often wondered about my own true "self". It is noteworthy too that psychologists have been interested in capturing the qualities that people think are part of someone’s true self and also in understanding how the idea of a true self affects people’s actions and their relationships with others. This research was summarized in a fascinating review by Nina Strohminger, Joshua Knobe, and George Newman in a paper in the July 2017 issue of Perspectives on Psychological Science.

Generally speaking, when people think about their true self or the true self of other people, what characteristics do they believe that it has?

An interesting facet of the true self is that it seems to be a belief that is similar across cultures. That is, aspects of the true self have been explored in studies using many different populations around the world, and the beliefs tend to be quite similar.

Two core beliefs are that the true self tends to be moral and good. So, when people make a change in their actions, they are more likely to be judged as doing something that reflects their true self when they change from doing something bad to something good than vice versa. This is why someone who stops abusing drugs or alcohol is often judged as allowing their true self to come through, while someone who starts abusing drugs or alcohol is judged as obscuring their true self.

These beliefs also tend to lead people to assume that someone can change for the positive over time, even if many of their past actions have been bad. That is, we are reluctant to decide that someone is truly evil and prefer to believe that their true self has a moral spark that might someday lead them toward better actions in the future.

An interesting facet of the true self is that our beliefs about our true self and other people’s true selves are similar. This belief differs from the way we often treat our motives versus those of people from a different group. Often, we assume that we and people from our group have purer motives than people from some outgroup. But, we also assume that deep down (in their true self) members of other groups are good and moral people.

Again, I dunno!

To be honest, I'm still bothered by the "fake self" syndrome...You know, the plastered on smiles, the pretentious laughs and giggles. It’s the sickly sweet or overly macho personality fronts. It’s the posing and like-whoring on social media. It’s the pouting lips in photos and feigned expressions of surprise. It’s the prancing about and showing people an image of your life that isn’t completely true, just to gain validation or envy. I’m sure you can think of half a million other examples as well.

And here’s the thing: none of us are innocent. We’ve all been guilty of pretending to be people we’re not in the past. Whether out of fear, lack of self-awareness or the desire to be accepted, putting on a mask is sometimes our only choice. In fact, some situations in life do require us to adopt a certain persona. And that’s OK I guess -- as long as we’re aware of what we’re doing.

The danger comes when we have worn a mask for so long that we forget what’s underneath. And we forget who we are. This somewhat horror-like movie scenario happens all the time. Having self-induced amnesia is a terrible way to live life. I’m sure it’s happened to all of us at some point.

If you’re sick of being someone you’re not; if you’re tired of letting others dictate who you “should” be, no time like the present to find your true self and OWN it.

And for me, never having to apologize for yourself is tantamount. To hell with anyone who would dare change who you really are -- how you act, what you say -- just to fit into a manufactured set of circumstances. If, perchance, you determine that you were wrong in something you said or did (no one is perfect), by all means make amends and apologize as quickly as possible. Take ownership. Defend yourself if you have to, but don't pass the buck to the person you really were not at the time.

And another thing, after all said and done, if someone chooses to remain offended by what you were supposedly guilty of, it is no longer your problem -- it is there's.

Your authentic self, real self, or original self, your true self is the most honest aspect of who you are. In other words, your true self is the most authentic version of you – all masks, affectations, and retentions aside. Your true self is you when you’re at your most open, vulnerable, and carefree. Think about the times you’ve spent with those you’re 100% comfortable with or the times when you’ve been completely alone. These circumstances often reveal your true self.

Please note here that we are talking about true self with a small ‘s’ and not a large ‘S’. A clear distinction here is important. When I write about your true self, I am writing about the most authentic expression of your character and personality. I am not referring to your big Self (big ‘S’) also known as your Soul or Higher Self.

That's another story for another day.

THE PERCEPTION OF NOT BEING UNDERSTOOD CAN BE SELF-DAMAGING

One of the benefits of having a blog site like Wrights Lane is that I can work my way through what I perceive to be issues in my life and pass it off as interesting(?) reading. If someone can relate to my often self-deprecating subject matter, self-inquiry and discovery, then I see that as a bonus.

As a natural-born do-it-yourselfer, self analysis also takes the place of having to visit a psychiatrist.

I have never believed in conforming just for the sake of fitting into a set of circumstances, choosing instead to march to the beat of my own drummer as much as possible...and that alone may be a part of a bigger problem. It has been my experience that the average person is all-too-ready to accept like-minded thinking and personalities and does not readily go out of his/her way to try to understand differences of any kind.

All of which leads me to ask: "Do you often feel alone and misunderstood by other people -- readily dismissed?"

I kind of gain comfort in understanding that I am not the only one who feels this way. Come to find out, there are many people out there who feel alone and misunderstood and can even be underestimated by others for a number of reasons.

I may be an exception to the rule but paradoxically, such individuals are said to be usually more talented, intelligent and deep than those who reject them. It’s all because human beings tend to be cautious and judgmental towards those of us who live, think, behave or express ourselves just a little differently. So if you don’t share the interests and beliefs of the majority, you will probably face misunderstanding and rejection at some point in your life. For me, the feeling of not being understood has plagued me for most of my life and I have struggled to come to grips with it, often to my detriment.

Not feeling that others really know us can leave us feeling hopelessly estranged from the rest of humanity. It may well be that feeling understood is a prerequisite for our other desires to be satisfyingly fulfilled.

Without experiencing that others know us, or are able to, we’re left feeling alone — at times, despairingly so. It’s a bleak place to be and can lead to feelings of emptiness and despondency. Enduring feelings of acute isolation from others can make our existence feel like a sham. Loneliness has frequently been perceived as virtually synonymous with depression, which is why being afflicted with an oppressive sense of alienation can go hand in hand with dangerous thoughts and actions.

Let's consider some reasons why feeling that others are able to grasp the meaning of your words and actions is critical to achieving an enduring sense of security and well-being:

1. You are known: When you experience being misunderstood, the connection between you and the other person is (however temporarily) severed. You’re by yourself, “dis-joined,” cut off. I list this advantage of others “getting” you as the starting point, because I believe all the other benefits of being understood stem from this.

2. Your identity is confirmed: Having others see you as you want and need to be seen verifies your sense of self. It assures you that who you believe you are is understandable and justified. To feel truly “gotten” is to feel deeply, rewardingly validated.

3. You exist: Because we’re all social creatures, if you’re to feel “real,” a certain amount of external corroboration is necessary. As Michael Schreiner duly notes in The Need To Be Understood: “The unconscious fear that seems to always be lurking in the background is that if we aren’t understood it will be as if we never existed.” (A scary thought, indeed!)

4. You are connected: Feeling understood connects you to others, allowing you to feel welcome. Conversely, feeling all alone and detached from those around you can, emotionally, be extremely painful — as many a marginalized or shunned child would sadly attest.

5. You belong: We all need to feel that we’re related to a community of (at least relatively) like-minded individuals. Such an expanded perception of self helps to make our lives feel more meaningful, more purposeful — and it contributes to a sense of personal value as well. I have first-hand experience at, for various reasons, being disassociated from communities in the broad sense and down deep it truly does eat away at you. An activist, innovator, doer by nature I have found myself eventually withdrawing when I sense that I have become an unappreciated, disruptive force.

6. You’re accepted: Feeling understood is in many ways tantamount to feeling socially recognized, or “endorsed.” Even non verbally, another’s physical or facial reactions to something you’ve shared can be most comforting. Various acts of empathy (as long as they’re accurate) also connote acknowledgement, understanding, and support. And however introverted you might be, gregarious species that we are, no one enjoys feeling alienated from others or “all alone.”

7. You’re empowered: If you feel understood, you’re not groping your way in the darkness. With others’ respectful willingness to recognize you and your intentions, you’re empowered to attempt, and accomplish, things that you otherwise might not be driven to do. Things tend to matter more to us when we have a sense that others care about them, too.

Some may also judge us for being too quiet, unfriendly or aloof; others may believe that you are a weirdo because you are passionate about things they cannot understand. It’s not uncommon when even our close ones, such as parents or partners, seem to misinterpret what we are all about and underestimate our passions. No need to say that this can be much more painful than the lack of understanding from people you are not so close to.

Here's another one to try on for size -- the tendancy for indiviuals to restrict the difference or non-comformity in you to better suit their interests i.e. We'll accept you if only you adhere to sensorship and abide by our rules.

So, what can you and I do when we feel alone and misunderstood?

Sometimes, the best way to stop worrying about being misunderstood is to accept it as a reality you cannot change. You need to realize that other people have a different perspective on what’s right or wrong, good or bad, interesting or boring. Unfortunately, as I say, a lot of people don’t even try to actually understand an alternative thought or opinion –- they are too self-absorbed and quick to judge because it’s much easier that way.

So when attempts to explain myself frustratingly fall on deaf ears, instead of holding grudges and being mad at the world (been there and done that), I try to accept it as a fact and move on. Remember the quote by James Blanchard Cisneros: "Once you awaken, you will have no interest in judging those who sleep." Quite honestly, I continually struggle with this one.

I think that it is important to connect with the right people instead of trying to become more likable to the wrong ones i.e people you've never met or who, in the end do not mean a thing to you, or you to them. It’s pointless to try to connect with people who cannot recognize the depth of your mind and personality in the first place. You will inevitably face misunderstanding and, as a result, will feel alone and disappointed. My weakness is that I die a thousand deaths when people downright do not understand me and I am helpless in trying to do anything about it. I really do work hard to get over that and to understand that you can't win 'em all.

Following passions no matter what others think, is equally as important too. The only thing that truly matters is to find purpose in life and to build a lifestyle around it.

I know that it’s much easier said than done, but as soon as you find yourself and your path in life, you will realize that people’s opinion is the last thing that should bother you. Basically, it’s the need to be likable and socially acceptable that makes many of us unhappy (and especially those of us who are different in some ways from the rest).

Finally, it is well to remember that it’s okay to feel alone and detached from the world and people from time to time. Individuals with a deep personality are particularly prone to these feelings because modern society is driven by ignorance and superficiality. It behooves us, however, to do everything in our power to get over moods of self-pity and detachment as quickly as possible so that we can get on with the job of realizing our uniqueness.

Meantime, it's always a good idea to take an occasional step back and openmindedly evaluate how others may be perceiving us. It's important to know how you're coming across because ultimately intentions mean very little when it comes to social interactions. Communication isn't about what you intend to say so much as how you're heard. 

We may not necessarily be understood some of the time, but that doesn't need to stop us from being understanding all of the time.

RALPH "THE SIGN GUY" CALLED TO HIS HEAVENLY REWARD

One of the first tributes to arrive on the Sign Guy's
roadside bench.  Before the day ended the bench
was overflowing with floral tributes.

A couple of years ago on Wrights Lane I posted the above photo of Southampton's "Sign Guy". He was almost a fixture to those travelling through town on Highway 21. Sadly, he passed away the other day.

The following tribute was written by Sandy Lindsay a neighbour and a friend who probably knew Ralph Dymer as well as anyone.

Southampton has lost another of her ‘characters’ … those who make the community unique. He was known as ‘The Sign Guy’.

To many, he appeared to be a ‘cantankerous curmudgeon’ (which I often told him) but, underneath the tough, rough exterior, I always thought he was a giant ‘teddy bear’.

The old saying, “never judge a book by its cover”, could not apply to anyone more than Ralph. He sat for hours on ‘his’ bench at the bridge that crosses the Saugeen River in Southampton. There, he created and held signs that bore various slogans that he would hold up for motorists and passersby … some were prophetic, some were definitely political but all had an underlying sense of dry wit. Each day, he would hold a different sign that made people, perhaps, think, and often smile.

He scooted around Southampton every day on his motorized scooter stopping and talking to anyone who would listen.

What few knew however, was that he was an incredible supporter of Southampton’s little public school, G. C. Huston. He donated thousands of dollars to the school with little to no fanfare. In 2014, however, Principal Dan Russell decided it was time to recognize the generosity of the man and a special ‘Spirit Assembly’ was held in his honour. Ralph was thrilled, although he would never show it. It was the one day however, that he could not hide his delight as his face lit up in a continuous smile when he was named a ‘Huston Hawk’, the school’s mascot name.

‘The Sign Guy’ will be missed as drivers turn to look at what the next sign will say … but it won’t be there – another tradition that is gone.

OCEAN VUONG IS A FRESH NEW ENTRY INTO THE LITERARY WORLD

Vietnamese poet Ocean Vuong

I have become fascinated by a diminutive, gay, young Vietnamese man with a voice and physical delicacy not dissimilar to that of the late Michael Jackson. Like Jackson, he stands to make a serious impact on the world -- not as an entertainer but as one of the great thinkers and communicators of the 21st Century.

Let me set the stage for this remarkable story.

For many immigrants, the best-case scenario is that their children will never really understand them. Think of a woman from Vietnam, the daughter of a farm girl and a nameless G.I., who moves from a refugee camp in the Philippines to public housing in Connecticut. There she raises a son, who was born on a rice farm but grows up in the back rooms of Hartford nail salons, and becomes not just the first person in the family to attend school past the sixth grade but a poet who wins prizes and is hailed in major magazines. The mother cannot speak English, or read any language; the more complex and ambitious the son’s work becomes, the greater the gulf between his writing in English and her basic Vietnamese -- and the more impossible it is for her to understand him, in return.

The young man we are talking about here is poet Ocean Vuong. He is 30 years old, and teaches in the M.F.A. program at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst. His début collection, “Night Sky with Exit Wounds,” was published in 2016, and made him just the second poet to win the T. S. Eliot Prize for a first book. At the center of his work is the paradox of his situation: the grief and the freedom that accrue simultaneously as he writes his way toward and away from his forebears. In one poem, Vuong writes, “An American soldier (had sexual intercourse) with a Vietnamese farm girl. Thus my mother exists...Thus I exist. Thus no bombs = no family = no me.” In another, the lyrics of “White Christmas” -- the playing of which, on Armed Forces Radio, signalled the final military evacuation of Americans and Vietnamese refugees from Saigon -- are inter cut with images of death, abandonment, a sky “shredded / with gunfire,” helicopters “lifting the living just out of reach.”

Vuong couldn’t speak English when he started school in Hartford, and couldn’t read at grade level until age 11. But as he began to write poetry, in childhood, he wrenched himself into the existence that would separate him from his family even as he honored them. By “pressing this pen to paper, I was touching us back from extinction,” he writes. Language, for him, would be a conduit rather than an impediment. It would allow him to make visible the memory of his mother breaking a pencil as she wrote “a b c” over and over, trying to teach herself the alphabet, the “b bursting its belly as dark dust blows through a blue-lined sky,” nail-salon chemicals emanating from the sweat that seeps through her pink “I love NY” T-shirt. 

Vuong uses language to conjure wholeness from a situation that language has already broken, and will continue to break; loss and survival are always twinned.

He is conscious that, without his work, the story of his family would seem to exist mostly in the form of uninterpreted bodies moving from one place to the next. Several of the poems position animals as shadow selves. He recently published a novel, “On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous” (Penguin Press), featuring a narrator whose circumstances closely resemble, and are often indistinguishable from, his own.

I was particularly impressed with this very personable and entertaining young man in an interview with Seth Myers on his Late Night Show earlier this week when he spoke of "the lexicon of destruction" in the English language today. "In this culture we celebrate a young boy's success by saying things like "You killed it...You smashed em...You went into that game with guns blazing...You really blew em up"."What does it say of a culture when the measure of success for our boys is the lexicon of violence, death and destruction?" 

In another interview he spoke about language and understanding in history.

"A lot of our thinking comes from the Western canon, the Western canon comes from the Greeks and the Romans. And they are often celebrated as the forebears of democracy. But what is often overlooked is that they celebrate war. They were a belligerent and bellicose culture, as much as they had philosophy, arts, and science—they celebrated the warrior as the ideal of human beings and also the future. So their art and their stories, much of which frames our American imagination, is steeped in violence. 

"The protagonist always has to destroy something in order to find his worth in the world. If we read that, we think 'Do I have to destroy something to be a worthy human being?' Do I have to conquer? And oftentimes the answer is yes, even if it’s subliminally, in the American lexicon. We teach this particularly to our boys—this is where masculinity becomes toxic—it begins with the lexicon of death. We celebrate our boys through the language of destruction, and it’s no wonder they end up leading destructive lives."

He suggests that changing all that begins with understanding where we come from with our violent history, and also what we do with language. "Our language is violent. I understand that some of it is powerful, and it’s good to reclaim...-- I get it. It’s celebratory. But why must we see the language of death as the only way to celebrate our lives and living?"

I, for one, look forward to hearing much more from Ocean Vuong. He is different and he is refreshing.

...BUT BE PREPARED FOR THE FALL OUT 

I have been writing for public consumption now for the better part of 60 years, first as a news reporter, then a columnist/editorialist and finally as an author and publisher of my own work in various print and electronic forms. As I evolved, it became clear to me that in order to survive, I had to learn to be at ease speaking my own mind...It did not come naturally. Voicing my feelings, opinions and convictions was a necessary acquired skill.

But, you know, there is a price to pay for speaking your own mind and a writer has to be aware of that fact and prepared to live with it. It simply goes with the territory. Yet I have never been totally comfortable in the environment. I've just accepted it as a fact of my chosen life

My foray into social media special interest groups, however is something else again.

When you join an interest group, you become part of a like-minded set of individuals who want to pursue topics of interest that you are also passionate about right. The structure of these groups ideally makes it possible to express opinions that may be unfavorable, which could create difficulties if they were expressed individually. By coming together as a group, special interests make it possible to encourage a more diverse set of opinions while presenting facts that may fall outside of the mainstream media.

There are also closed online groups where nostalgia and sweetness are welcomed but not personal opinions, observances or controversy of any kind. You can't look cross-eyed at anyone on these sites let alone trigger some one's sensitivity with a comment that has potential to be taken out of context. Sports and hometown groups are perfect examples. People are in love with their teams and special memories...and always on the offensive.

Because I like to be conversational and offer my thoughts on various subjects, I have lost count of the times I have seemingly offended someone on one of these group sites, prompting a warning or a scolding from the administrator after receiving complaints. I was recently told that I was welcome to continue posting items of interest but asked not to "weigh-in" or comment on other peoples' posts...All of which defeats the purpose in my mind.

And here's a rather ironic trueism. I have never had a bad experience with someone I've known personally. My disputes over something I've said or written have always been with people I've never met in my life and wouldn't know if I bumped into them on the street. That shouldn't make these matters any easier to accept, because it doesn't.

Bottom line, social media sites are no place for serious writers who are worth their salt and especially one who truely does care about what people think. On the otherhand if you are full of niceness and passivity, go ahead knock yourself out, but rest assured there will always be someone who will disillusion you -- spoil your fun -- and you will succumb to the instinct of running away and hiding.

Based on his experience handling such malice, a fellow blogger has come up with five different strategies one can implement when unknowingly offending someone in such cases. I find them to be extremely applicable, even for a worn out veteran of verbal warfare.

Tip #1 – Kill Them With Kindness

We all know there are people on this planet who can be overly sensitive. People who come to ridiculous conclusions from “reading between the lines.” People who turn non-issues into major issues, and try to make others side with them. People who are simply all too willing to start a fight.

You might be tempted to tell those people to go f*** themselves. Understandably, that's what most of us want to do. The trouble is, it only adds fuel to the fire. Take the high road and act like the better person instead.

Nobody's perfect. People can't always be counted on to think rationally or keep their emotions in check, including you and me. Keep that in mind the next time you face a situation that you can't resolve rationally.

Tip #2 – Ignore Them (Shake It Off)

I know the first tip isn't for everybody. That's why this one is a perfect alternative.

Are you absolutely sure that there was nothing wrong with what you said, wrote or shared online? If so, be confident enough to ignore the haters and those who claim you offended them. Remember that it's their problem, not yours.

You can't please everyone. Someone out there will always react negatively to your beliefs, ideas or values. Nowadays, it happens way more often thanks to social media. Anyone can spew out vile or ignorant comments in a matter of seconds while hiding behind their devices. Anyone can complain to a group administrator.

Forget those people. Stick to what you stand for and keep moving forward. When you shake it off and ignore the haters, you show them that they're just wasting their time trying to bring you down.

Tip #3 – Evaluate Your Position

This is where you have to put aside your ego and wonder if the offended party may have a point. This requires two actions that aren't always easy: 1) Having empathy for others. And 2) accepting that you're not perfect.

When you evaluate your position, try seeing things from the other person's perspective. How might you have come across without realizing it? Could you have chosen your words a bit more carefully? Made doubly sure that you weren't guilty of any of the silly power plays that often make people hate you?
Sometimes, little details in your speech or writing can trigger extreme reactions if you're not careful. Content that's subject to quick public scrutiny, for example a blog or social media special interest group, is particularly susceptible to this. When people smell a rat, they will jump on you with lightning speed, all too eager to thoroughly air their grievances. If you realize you're in the wrong, and that they have a point, then Tip #4 comes into play.

Tip #4 – Apologize Quickly

Have you concluded that you made a mistake? Then take responsibility for it right away. Willingness to make things right quickly is a clear and sure sign of a person who deserves respect, even after they've done something wrong.

Give such apologies privately. Public apologies almost always look insincere and often fail miserably, especially if the offense was serious. If the injured party sees that you've gone out of your way to personally apologize, they're far more likely to accept it. No promises: it is, after all, up to them. But at least you know that you've redeemed yourself.

Tip #5 – Communicate Effectively

A lack of effective communication is often the reason that conflicts don't get resolved. You may be “right”. You may have plenty of good reasons to hold your ground. But that won't settle the conflict unless you and the offended party give each other a chance to talk. And that is not always an automatic outcome. There are occasions when you do not actually know who you have offended, due to anonymity guidelines.

At the end of the day, communicating effectively with the injured party won't guarantee that both parties end up being friends or even agreeing with each other. But it always allows you to clear up any misunderstandings. And offering a private conversation is far more gentlemanly than waging a vicious Twitter or Facebook war. (Pro-tip: stop having arguments on social media altogether. They're a fool's errand, a waste of time, and really not good for your health.)

Bottom line: Don't let detractors stop you from doing what you do best and what you enjoy most. Don't allow yourself to be muzzled if you have the courage of your convictions. Just be true to yourself. You do not always have to be perceived as being nice because you cannot stand your ground, speak your mind, and expect to win the favor of everyone. Life is simply not like that!

When you've exhausted all five of the forgoing tips and you still have a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach about a personality clash or disagreement, take the closest exit. That's what I've done. Within a matter of days the stress, lost sleep, anxiety and hurt will all be but a distant memory.

At least that has been the case for me.

I can speak my mind to my heart's content on Wrights Lane, even though there are times when it gets kind of lonely here.

MARINE HERITAGE SOCIETY READY FOR CHANTRY ISLAND TOURS

The Marine Heritage Society (MHS) in Southampton helds its annual Volunteer Appreciation BBQ this past weekend to start off the summer season.

The MHS has grown from the original Propeller Club to an organization of more than 200 volunteers that maintains the historic Chantry Island Lighthouse and Pioneer Park at Southampton Harbour. The group was formed in the late 1900s by a group of Southampton retirees dedicated to restoring the Chantry Island Lighthouse Keeper’s Quarters to its historical context of the 1800s.

Chantry Island

Chantry Island is today a migratory bird sanctuary regulated under the Federal Government and only the Marine Heritage Society is allowed to conduct tours with restricted numbers to the Island. The tours have created not only a world-wide destination for lighthouse enthusiasts but has also meant an economic boost to the local community.

In July each year, the Society also hosts the Marine Heritage Festival that features a weekend of marine activities, including the famous Cardboard Boat Races at Southampton Harbour on Lake Huron.

The highlight of this year’s Volunteer Appreciation this past wekend was a performance by renowned Canadian composer, record producer and entertainer, David Archibald. His work on Great Lakes marine heritage Spirit of the Inland Sea has been featured at National and Provincial Parks as well as the Blyth Festival and his music has been featured on CBC radio programs such as The Vinyl Café, Morningside, Fresh Air, Ontario Morning, Radio Noon and more. Archibald has been a long-time supporter of the Marine Heritage Society in Saugeen Shores and has often performed at fundraising concerts for the organizations. *Click the video below to have a listen to Archibald as he performed "The Rocks of Tobermory".

David Archibald performs the Rocks of Tobermory May 31 2019

Marine Heritage Society - Chantry Island Tours