THE UP AND DOWN SIDES OF LIVING ALONE IN YOUR 80'S

Ahhh, that's what I'm talking about!

Yes, there is an upside to being single and in your 80's. Especially after spending the lion's share of the last 25 years being a primary caregiver for two terminally ill wives.

Initially, you feel that you have lost a part of yourself and dangerously without purpose. You look for new meaning and it comes by degrees and in unexpected ways.

Once you exhaust bouts of debilitating grief and adjust to a lifestyle that you had completely forgotten about, life tends to take on a more relaxed and selfish type of existence. You become foot-loose and fancy-free, almost like a teenager, but with a depleted body, nowhere in particular to go and no one in particular to do it with.

You have absolutely nothing holding you back -- except money. Within reason, you can do what you want and when you want. Meals are the easiest...You can eat on whim and indulge yourself with favorite foods. Getting creative with leftovers is one of my specialties, but heretofore I would not subject them to anyone else, especially the better half.

With just yourself and a dog floating around, the house really never gets messy, providing you make a habit of putting things back after you use them. The only time you have to dust or vacuum is when you're expecting company, which can be very rare if you are careful to not invite anyone.

Hey, and another thing...The TV remote control is all yours!

Now the downside. And there is a downside to just about everything, isn't there?

For me, nothing drives home the feeling of loneliness more than seeing other couples in my age bracket out shopping together or enjoying a leisurely bite to eat at a local restaurant or coffee shop. At times like that I have learned to remind myself that I am seeing them at their best...What I am not seeing is what goes on behind the closed doors of their homes -- disagreement, anxiety, normal frustrations and old-fogeyism that goes with the territory. 

Many elderly people, especially those that live alone like me, find satisfaction and a sense of companionship in interactions with a pet. Caring for a pet can give people a sense of purpose and connectedness. I honestly do not know what I would do without my girl Matilda (pug, terrier cross) and her unconditional tie to me, literally speaking. She's connected to my hip and only surgery will remove her. I don't mind a bit.

I function well in solitude and being left to my own resources. When I feel like talking I know that I have Matilda's ear...She's a good listener.  She also keeps me warm at night when I am cold...She snuggles up and gives me a lick when she senses that I am depressed or troubled.

But when you stop to think about it, it is a sad state of affairs when an animal is your only source of love and affection. We all need human interaction, up front and personal, in our lives. By another name, it is called intimacy and there is no substitute for it.

No one outgrows the need for emotional closeness that only intimacy with a special soul-mate can bring.

Let's not mince words. As we age our ability to engage in rockets-in-the-sky intimate sex wanes. But in meaningful relationships husbands and wives find new and different ways of "doing it" and meeting each other's natural needs. And it can be a wonderful thing that is awarded, sadly, to the more fortunate.

That special look in the eye of a lover, or lifetime companion, never diminishes. Likewise a touch, a hug or embrace -- shared words of affection spoken out of the blue, just because someone cares. Opportunities to vent innermost insecurities and concerns, things you would never divulge to anyone else...Those are the things a surviving spouse misses most.

In reality, you lose a marital partner twice...the first time when physical health circumstances incapacitate the other and finally when death delivers the last disconnect. It's a lose, lose situation.

Someone once said you never miss something until you don't have it any more. I've used that line once before lately on Wrights Lane.

Better to not dwell on what we don't have -- or have lost. Better to be thankful for the things we still have and to embrace the unexpected that may just be around the next corner. Make new relationships and nurture the ones you've got.

...And let the precious time remaining take its course, come what may. Not that you can do a hell of a lot about it anyway.

ATTENTION YOUNG PEOPLE, O YE OF RAGING HORMONES WITH LIFE STILL TO LIVE: This too can happen to you...And probably will!