ONE GOOD NICKNAME DESERVES ANOTHER

I sometimes get caught up in mind games that are a complete waste of time. Take the last 40 minutes for instance. I've been running nicknames through my mind, prompted I guess by a recent obsession with my hometown of Dresden, the nickname capital of the world, where virtually everyone has a moniker of some sort. The more I thought about these stupid nicknames, the more I realized that many of them can be linked in an odd sort of way.

For instance, for every Bull there is a Moose, every Lefty has a Righty, every Skunk is Stinky and Nip and Tuck are tailored for each other. See what I mean. Kind of catching isn't it?

Sparky and Flash just seem to go together naturally and Peewee and Tiny are virtual twins while on the other hand Skinny and Fatty are opposites. For a while I was really fixed on Hammer and Tools but Gunner and Shooter gave me the aim to pick up Sandy and Rocky in my sites and a Cutter being used to Hack a tree that was too Woody. My appetite for the exercise began to improve with Spud and Tater, then I had to go and spoil it all with Poop and Scoop.

I was really on a role with Wheels and Spinner and Boots and Kicker seemed to go together, especially if you're playing soccer. You simply can't have a King without a Queen nor Hands without Fingers. If you're Sleepy you're bound to be a little Dopey and every Digger needs a Spade. Baldy and Curly are at the opposite ends of the follicular spectrum but there's little difference between Smasher and Basher. I couldn't bite into Gummer until I found myself chewing with Toother.

I tried especially hard to keep it all in the family (Rodent, that is) with Mouse and Squirrel and I always kind of felt sorry for Wart and Hog. It is a Bummer when someone shoots the Bull but Grinny and Smiley always put me in a good mood and I would be remiss if I were to Skip old Hoppy.

Beans and Toots gave me just enough gas for a couple more but I had to Stretch to come up with Tippy and Toes, probably because I was about to bog down after Mud and Dirt. So, in conclusion, I pose this nagging question: "Is it true that every Buck is Horny?"

As silly as it is, these are all legitimate nicknames to which I can attach proper names and real faces. Now let's get on with more serious thinking -- like the state of the economy...On second thought, I'd rather stay with nicknames.

P.S.: This item is dedicated to two good friends, Brownie and Blackie.