At the beginning of a relationship, nothing is more fascinating for two people than learning about each other and negotiating the give-and-take of getting along. Long-term relationships can grow deeper and more intimate, but without some active attention, they can also deteriorate, as people repeat the same behaviors and anticipate the same reactions from their mates.
I'm a pretty insular person, but I have always found it easy to fall in love with love, almost an idealistic craving. But there can be devastating ramifications if a relationship is built solely on fantasized expectations.
Don't be fooled kids!
I've had the good fortune of a couple of bonafide love-at-first-sight relationships in my life, each one teaching me something. Alas, in retrospect, almost too little too late for my liking.
Granted, experience is the best teacher but why are we Homo Sapiens so slow at times to realize the obvious?
Relationships are a lot like plants. You need to make sure there’s space for the roots to grow. That there’s enough water to nourish the plant, but not too much so the plant drowns, and that the plant gets the right amount of sunlight during the day. But if you fuss with the plant too much, you’re going to end up killing it -- despite your good intentions.
The same counts for relationships. They need room to grow. They need nourishment and warmth. But they also need you to back off and not fuss about making it perfect all the time. Sure, if there is a major problem you might need to do some work, but for the most part relationships flourish when they’re just left to grow naturally.
If you like feeling in control it might be difficult for you to let go of controlling your relationship and your partner. But look at it this way...Do you really want to force your relationship? Do you want to squash it into a box and wrap it up all pretty? Or do you want it to grow bigger and more beautiful than you ever imagined?
When we try to micro-manage our relationships what we’re actually doing is stuffing them into a musty old shoe box and then covering that with pretty wrapping paper. But if you stuff a plant into a shoe box, what do you think is going to happen? It’s going to whither and die. That’s why it is so important to let go of the need to be in control all the time - because what you’re really doing is smothering your own happiness.
The more you try to fit some imaginary mold of what a relationship should be like, the less room you leave for the relationship to grow and bloom by itself. You might think that relationships need to be tilted a certain way (i.e emphasis on sexual gratification) to be “good”. But that’s not true.
Again, when you look at plants you’ll soon notice that none of them are perfect. They’re all flawed in one way or another. But even though they’re not perfect, they’re still beautiful. They still grow in their own unique way and bloom when the season is right.
A relationship is exactly like that. It might not look “perfect” from the outside. It might feel awkward and weird from the inside. But if you allow it to grow and flourish you’ll soon find that it grows and expands into something beautiful. You don’t have to force it to look and feel beautiful. All you need to do is give it room to grow, and water and sunlight to flourish. Of course you can prune it if you see it growing in a bad direction, but try to remember that if you cut off too much the plant is going to die.
In other words, allow your relationship to grow as naturally as possible. That’s the bet way to get the relationship you really want.
You might think you need to control every aspect of it, but you don’t. All you need to do at this point is to feed the relationship and give it room to take root and bloom into something amazing.
Let go of your idea of what a perfect relationship is supposed to be like and become more comfortable with the way your relationship is expanding, growing and taking shape at its own pace.
The more you nourish the good parts of a relationship, the stronger it will grow and keep blooming to your heart's delight.
If only I had it to do all over again. Oh, the roses I would smell!
But there again...Roses, like relationships, need nurturing and tender loving care.
No question about it, we reap what we sow in life.
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