THE FEEL-GOOD ASPECTS OF RECOGNITION

This need for recognition it is in everyone

Just to be commended for a job well done
For to be ignored can be a hurtful thing
As it can live in the mind as a painful mental sting
To be mentally starved of a thing the mind of is in need
For so many people is so sad indeed
It is widespread in people Worldwide in every Land
This need for recognition which should not be hard to understand
Though not everyone can be wealthy and know of widespread fame
Few wish to live and die as an unremembered name.

~~ Francis Duggan

Human beings are social creatures. To survive and thrive we need other people and we relish being liked. Feeling connected matters. Being left out, or ignored, hurts.

It’s a need that’s inbuilt into our physiology and relates to the way the neurotransmitter dopamine works in our brains. Simply put: When you feel a positive sense of connection, an emotional reaction takes place and dopamine is released. It creates a sense of pleasure. But dopamine levels drop quickly. So it’s likely you’ll be motivated to repeat that behaviour again in order to get the next hit – fuelling a spiral of positive social behaviour towards one another.

But what happens in a situation when you feel excluded from something? Perhaps you find out about a get together arranged by a few of your friends – and you haven’t been asked to go. Or maybe a conversation breaks up just as you walk over to join it. Perhaps, in the workplace setting, there’s a high profile meeting which several of your colleagues have been invited to but not you. How would you feel?

Research suggests exclusion creates a sense of social pain which fires up exactly the same area of the brain that experiences physical pain. Feeling left out hurts – literally.

The sense of wellbeing that comes from feeling connected has big implications. And as I see it, an important way to create and maintain this sense of connection and belonging, and reduce a sense of exclusion, is via sharing recognition.

What role can recognition play? The positive feedback and appreciation that comes from feeling recognised creates feelings of pride, pleasure and increased feelings of self-esteem, releasing dopamine every time.

But don’t forget about dopamine’s short-lived effect. So to sustain the impact, it needs to be regular and ongoing recognition, not just an occasional thank you. ‘Old school’ recognition used to be top down only.

But now the way we communicate has evolved. We’ve gone social. And that’s impacted on today’s approaches to recognition -- the ability to recognise, acknowledge and show appreciation to each other no matter what their position on social media (LOL) or elsewhere in everyday life.

Feedback is a gift. It can be awfully wrapped or you may not like what’s inside, but after more than 60 years of writing for public consumption, I have learned to take away what serves me and leave the rest behind. Negative feedback always hurts so it is best to take the time and decide what’s valuable and what’s not.  

In retrospect, I struggle with taking negative feedback personally and die a thousand deaths to think that someone does not agree with me or has been offended in some way by something I've written. My skin has been known to be a little thin because of the effort and intensity I devote to every word and sentence I write.

I adhere to advice of an old editor who mentored me back in the day: "Remember that wrongly put feedback says more about the person delivering it than it says about you."

Awe yes, recognition in the form of feedback...what would we do without it and what do we do with it!

Given my choice, I'll take positive feedback every time. It just naturally makes me feel good.

How about you my friend?