SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT: CAN WE TALK?

THIS WAS NOT AN EASY POST TO WRITE

Can we talk?...indeed.

I will be the first to admit that I am an off-again, on-again Facebook addict and I have the record to show it.

I also owe my small, carefully chosen group of followers an explanation in this regard.

A month or so ago I gave in to a bout of offense-driven disillusionment due to less-than-acceptable responses I had received to some of my exchanges in connection with social media dialogue. In fact, I was so distraught that I issued a blanket statement to the effect that I would "no longer be a regular contributor" to Facebook. I, for lack of a better expression, had had it.

Don't get me wrong. I initially joined Facebook about 20 years ago because I have a natural inquisitiveness and thoroughly enjoy keeping up to date with friends -- their comings and goings, photos of children and grandchildren, photos of beautiful scenery and pretty flowers, hobbies and special interests, what people have for dinner, special recipes...that sort of thing. On the other hand, I do not enjoy being subjected to political biases, nor can I tolerate lowly and unfair personality assassination of our public figures so prevalent in social media these days.

Because it is my personality, for better or worse, I tend to insert humor and occasional devil's advocacy into some of my conversational comments and that is not always understood or appreciated. And I take it all under advisement, even in cases of spontaneity.

I do not pretend to be an expert on anything, but I do think that my soon-to-be 84 years of experience should stand for something. Everything that I have gained in life has been earned the hard way -- through work, persistence, concentrated study and dedicated willingness to self-improve. I believe that experience is the best teacher and no conflict is beyond humane resolution.

And yes, contrary to outward appearances, I am sensitive and easily offended; perhaps at times to the point of over-reacting to how I think I have been perceived. All of which brings me to the purpose of this post -- addressing short-lived intentions to withdraw from participation in Facebook dialogue, other than to use it as a tool for Wrights Lane advertising purposes.

Without going in to gross detail about the straw that broke this camel's back, I am compelled to share briefly what contributed to my painful decision to drop out, even going so far as to contemplate the merit of laying to rest any form of public commentary (my life's work) all together.

Within a span of a very disturbing 10 days, more than once I was called a "liar", an "idiot" and "delusional" by individuals taking exception to something I'd said in group discussions on the subjects of racial discrimination and the terrible revelations coming out of the residential schools for Indigenous children investigations across the country.

It is really quite sad, and a commentary on society today, when people can hide behind a computer keyboard when uttering vicious and disparaging comments to someone that they do not know and would not say boo to in real life face-to-face confrontations. It is the distasteful and harmful underbelly of otherwise useful social media.

Unknowingly, I butted heads with a surprising anti-church faction right here in Saugeen Shores, Southampton in particular. It seems that I had the audacity to suggest that rather than cry foul to church involvement in residential schools over the past century, a more conciliatory approach may be in order. I took liberties with scripture in saying "forgive them (church leaders who abused children) for they knew not the ramifications of what they did."

The backlash to that statement was vicious and ruthless. "How ridiculous can you be?" "They knew exactly what they were doing." "Christians have contributed to everything that is wrong with society today." "The government needs to close down all churches and use the proceeds to bring water and other needed services into the country's reserves." "I have never, nor will I ever, step foot in a church with such terrible people."

One woman who had recently requested my Facebook friendship took exception to my forgiveness approach by saying: "I generally respect my elders but there is something about you that rubs me the wrong way. You're the reason for the problem. There are holes in everything you say, just like in your stupid sermons." (To my knowledge she was never in the congregation for any sermons I delivered in the area.)

Believe it or not, during this same period of time, I was also the whipping boy on a national church group internet site for a minister from Edmonton who blatantly urged psychiatric help after I came to the aide of a woman who had expressed an innocent personal opinion on the impact of preachings from the gospel. It was like he resented my input and reacted in the only way he knew how, by putting me down as was his habit with others. Incidentally, I invited that same woman to contribute some of her thoughts to my blog site because I felt she needed to be appreciated in a friendly forum.

There were other incidents of hurtful personal insult coming my way from group discussions on "the myth" of racial discrimination, but I was able to rationalize my position with another man of the cloth who eventually admitted to making false assumptions and subsequently apologized for insults he had leveled against me.

Closer to home, I had an esteemed minister friend accuse me of in his view being "mean" in some of my exchanges on a church group site and he was at a loss to know how to respond. "In the future, my ask would be that you (me, the last of the old-time thinkers) think about things before commenting." Up to that point I merely thought that I was making an informed contribution to the otherwise laid back group. I have to admit that in at least one instance the thought came over me that I had pushed the envelope, but my impish impulse said "O well, let it go. They understand me."

The expectation for reverence does tend to limit how one comments on any church group site. That's why very few react to posts of a ministerial nature, other than to register the odd "like".

Needless to say, in the end, it was all too much for me and my mind went into "tilt" mode. To salvage sanity, I had to get away from it all in order to think about other things...A time to heal and recoup a degree of lost dignity.

To really understand how I felt at my lowest, just try carrying around the thought that there are people out there who have absolutely no respect for you or your feelings. Hatred was culpable and I did or said nothing to deserve such ire. 

In past life I developed a newspaper editor's thick skin out of necessity because lashback was a fact of life for anyone charged with the daunting responsibility of producing editorial commentary on a daily basis. Only difference then was that I was getting paid reasonably well for what I had to offer and what went with the territory.

The aforementioned brief hiatus from all things computer worked wonders and resulted in my overcoming withdrawal symptoms and a sense of creative idleness. I missed my old Facebook friends and the ability to communicate good naturedly with them. I also missed the privilege of expressing what is on my mind via Wrights Lane.

So I came back as I hoped I would to the one thing that fulfils me, minus a few blocked friends and withdrawal from membership in ill-advised group sites that tended to get me in trouble. It feels good to be making a fresh start, only a little the worse for wear.

Strangely enough, I honestly believe that I am a better person for what I have gone through in the past couple of months. It was a matter of ultimately forgiving and forgetting. I have learned something about myself and have been gifted with new perspective and sense of value that had been missing for a long time.

I sincerely hope that this epistle has answered some questions in the minds of my readers -- and has helped to sufficiently clear the air about why I so dramatically(?) took an escape route out of desperation.

What's that they used to say about sticks and stones...