Several years ago in a TV documentary on Apartheid, a very interesting and subsequently controversial custom of the Babemba tribe in South Africa was featured. Within that community, antisocial or criminal behavior is reportedly rare. However, whenever it does occur, the Babemba were portrayed as having an interesting and beautifully creative way of dealing with it.
The story went that if a member of the tribe acts irresponsibly, they are placed at the center of the village. Work stops, and every man, woman, and child in the town gathers around the accused in a large circle. Then, one at a time, everyone, including the children, call out all the good things the person in the center has done previously. All the positive attributes and the kind acts are recited carefully and at length. No one is permitted to exaggerate or be facetious.
It was further explained that the ceremony often lasts for several days and doesn't stop until everyone is drained of every positive comment they can muster about the transgressor. Not one word of criticism concerning the accused's irresponsible, antisocial deed is permitted. In the end, the tribal circle breaks up, a celebration begins, and he or she is welcomed back into the community.
“They had it coming to them” is a phrase you hear when someone experiences misfortune, and this misfortune can make us feel a little relieved somehow, especially if that person did something that we consider was wrong towards us personally. It reinforces some sense of invisible justice. Implicit is that punishment is what is needed when someone does wrong. This may seem self-evident. “Of course, if someone does something wrong they need to be punished”, you might think. Otherwise it looks like they got away with it, were let off the hook, and will therefore transgress again.
The story went that if a member of the tribe acts irresponsibly, they are placed at the center of the village. Work stops, and every man, woman, and child in the town gathers around the accused in a large circle. Then, one at a time, everyone, including the children, call out all the good things the person in the center has done previously. All the positive attributes and the kind acts are recited carefully and at length. No one is permitted to exaggerate or be facetious.
It was further explained that the ceremony often lasts for several days and doesn't stop until everyone is drained of every positive comment they can muster about the transgressor. Not one word of criticism concerning the accused's irresponsible, antisocial deed is permitted. In the end, the tribal circle breaks up, a celebration begins, and he or she is welcomed back into the community.
Ideally, this overwhelming, positive bombardment would strengthen the self-esteem of the accused and cause that person to resolve to live up to the expectations of the tribe. It was further suggested that the success of this creative response to wrongdoing seemed apparent because that type of ceremony is quite rare for this particular set of tribespeople.
Not because I'm just a bit skeptical at times, but because I am fascinated by this particular subject, I decided to do some research and what I found was somewhat surprising. Many are convinced that the story is false while others suggest it is mythical in nature. There are also those who doubt that a "Babemba" tribe ever existed.
One thing that cannot be disputed however is the fact that a South African tribe known as Bemba is also called Awemba or Babemba. The nation of Zambia is has 73 tribes with Bemba being the largest at about 36 percent of the population. Other than that, there does not seem to be much written evidence to back up the story, which in my mind makes it neither true nor not true.
Not because I'm just a bit skeptical at times, but because I am fascinated by this particular subject, I decided to do some research and what I found was somewhat surprising. Many are convinced that the story is false while others suggest it is mythical in nature. There are also those who doubt that a "Babemba" tribe ever existed.
One thing that cannot be disputed however is the fact that a South African tribe known as Bemba is also called Awemba or Babemba. The nation of Zambia is has 73 tribes with Bemba being the largest at about 36 percent of the population. Other than that, there does not seem to be much written evidence to back up the story, which in my mind makes it neither true nor not true.
Does this matter? Perhaps not. The important thing is that here is another way of seeing wrong-doing. It is not the person who is bad. It is their behaviour. And rather than apportioning blame, the social group takes responsibility to “heal” the miscreant by reminding them that they belong to the group, are loved, and have good inside them that they may not see and need to be reminded of.
Food for thought, especially when talking about forgiveness.
One wonders if, perhaps, borrowing from this technique might be a good idea, at least in certain family situations in which a member has gone astray.
We all know how difficult it is to make profound changes in our lives, though the need may be apparent. We recognize that there is a need for change, but we hesitate. The prospect of change in our lives makes us uneasy. We find it threatening when we realize that substantial change for the better means a repudiation of so much we have stood for all our lives.
We find it intimidating to be called upon to renounce that which, like nothing else, is often of our own creation.
The pressing question, of course, remains...Should you forgive and forget, or does that make you a pushover?
“They had it coming to them” is a phrase you hear when someone experiences misfortune, and this misfortune can make us feel a little relieved somehow, especially if that person did something that we consider was wrong towards us personally. It reinforces some sense of invisible justice. Implicit is that punishment is what is needed when someone does wrong. This may seem self-evident. “Of course, if someone does something wrong they need to be punished”, you might think. Otherwise it looks like they got away with it, were let off the hook, and will therefore transgress again.
Dare I suggest that there might be a time and place for forgiveness? That forgiveness can be selective, given the circumstances -- and the size of a person's heart?
Hmmmmm!
As I say, "food for thought."
As I say, "food for thought."
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