SOME THINGS JUST NOT WORTH GETTING MAD ABOUT

I hear often from a very talented young man who is a prolific piano player and writer. There always seems to be a message in everything he generates from his home studio. He kind of reminds me of myself, minus the piano ability. LOL

The other day he wrote about his darling little daughter and a mess she had left on his prized piano. I can't help but think that you will love his story as much as I have. Here it is:

"Shouldn't a beautiful piano be safe from the clutches of sugary apple drinks?

"Not in my house.

"As you may have guessed... Most of the things that you see in the Piano by Pictures Academy are filmed in the office of my home...The place that I spent so much time building my programs.

"Working from home is great...most of the time. For instance, 
I came down to answer some email this afternoon and saw an apple juice container on the piano and it was dripping between the keys. This huge piano no-no was of course carried out by my whirlwind of a two-year-old Stella.

"Don't let this picture fool you... she's cute but this girl can do some damage. (Stella is seen in the accompanying photo showing off a new pair of Unicorn boots.)

"I of course cringed, hurriedly cleaned up the juice, and then went to find Stella to let her know apple juice and the piano shouldn't be friends.

"As you may have guessed... I was mad.

"But when I walked into her play room, she looked up at me so excited, smiled and said: 'Daddy you came to play with me!'

"My heart melted.

"The frustration that I felt with my working at home situation completely evaporated. I dropped any thought of working for the moment, and got down on my hands and knees and played with a Princess Elsa doll.

"What does this have to do with you?

"When you get frustrated this week because your husband, wife, child, parents interrupt your work -- your TV show, or your piano practice time -- use those distractions as a reminder that they are in your life and instead of getting angry, be grateful to have them.

"And if someone puts some apple juice on your piano, give them a hug and tell them you love them anyway. They are worth more than a billion of the finest pianos!"

A PASSING THOUGHT:

What Are We Waiting For?

Have you ever stopped to think about how much time we spend waiting?

In our daily lives, we wait at the bus stop or wait at the traffic light. We wait in line at the supermarket. We wait in line at the bank. We rush to the airport to get there on time, and then we wait. We have waiting lines and waiting lists, and waiting rooms. We wait to get out of school. We wait for our first job and then wait for the promotion. We wait for our children to be born; we wait for them to grow up and leave home so we can have freedom again. And then we wait for them to come back on the holidays. We wait to get married and, in at least half of the marriages of our time, we wait for the divorce to become final. We wait for retirement. And we wait to die.

Personally, I spent a lot of time lately waiting for a very slow, virus-infested computer to answer my keyed commands and subsequently correcting odd-ball errors that result. (Memo to self: Get the computer fixed.)

On another level, we wait for leaders who will help us resolve our economic and social problems. We wait for leaders who will show us the way to peace on earth—waiting, waiting, waiting!

Many of us can identify with "Joe," a principal character in William Saroyan's play, "The Time of Your Life." At one point in the drama, Joe says, "Every day has 24 hours. Out of the 24 hours, at least 23 are dull, dead, boring, empty, murderous: minutes on the clock, not living. And the more you wait, the less there is to wait for."

The season of Lent is a time of creative waiting. It is a time of prayer and fasting and self-examination, as we go deep within ourselves to come to terms with whatever it is in our life that is blocking out our spirituality. It is a time to acknowledge, from the depths of our being, the need for change in our lives. This is truly a creative effort because now we are cooperating with our Holy Savior in the re-making of our life. More and more, we begin to put a higher value on our worthwhileness and ability to make a contribution to life in the here and now.

No more waiting for change and fulfillment in your life friend...The assignment, should you choose to accept it, is make it happen now!

SOME THOUGHTS ON DISCRIMINATION, PREJUDICE AND BIGOTRY TO CONCLUDE BLACK HISTORY MONTH

Until now I have resisted the impulse to write something of substance during Black History Month. After all, what can you justifiably write on the subject when you have no authentic claim to Black heritage?

Like so many, I have been impressed and enlightened by the imagery and history presented via the media during this special month, all of which contributes (hopefully) to a better understanding of the injustices that have failed to deter our demonstrably strong, versatile and talented brethren of color.

I have, however, written extensively in the past about discrimination against the Black race in general from a "White boy's" perspective, having witnessed it while growing up in my hometown of Dresden, a racial controversary hotspot in the 1940s and '50s, to be sure. 

*See https://dicktheblogsterremembers.blogspot.com/ for eventual reference purposes if you wish.

Much to my disappointment, reaction to that very personal piece of journalism, produced on my web site 10 years ago and developed over an extended period, was minimal. Perhaps "dismissed" or "ignored" would be better words to describe the lack of discernible impact. I even went so far as to submit letters to several local newspapers advocating public apologies that ultimately went over like a lead balloon.

Very few Black friends acknowledged my efforts, preferring I suppose discretionary arm's length, and resentment was palpable among Whites of my acquaintance, a number even going so far as to suggest it (discrimination) was really not that big an issue, or they were not aware of it being a problem in their experience. "Why stir up the past when things are not that way any more?" was a common sentiment and may still be, for that matter.

Be that as it may, prejudice and discrimination are two things many of us are still exposed to every day, and the effects can be devastating.

With constant racial unrest in the world, and with all the ongoing protest rallies, attacks and fighting over the past few years, I can't help but think that many people still do not know the difference between prejudice and discrimination.

Discrimination is an action that denies the rights of a person because they belong to a certain group --  sex, race, lifestyle and so on. Prejudice is the feeling about a person, based on a group to which they belong.

Confusing? Well, prejudice and discrimination can be separated and dealt with individually.

Prejudice is an idea or a negative opinion that is not based on facts or experience. For example, having a hatred or intolerance for certain kinds of people. Blacks, whites, aboriginals, homosexuals, Muslims, Christians, Buddhists, you know the list. Negative attitudes or mindsets have been formed against these groups without necessarily having interacted with them. In many cases reconciliation efforts have been pitiful examples of lip-service.

Consequences of everyday prejudice and discrimination can go as far as people being assaulted by judgments based on skin color, social class, gender, religious affiliation, and political views. They are often ridiculed, embarrassed, made to feel like unworthy second-class citizens and all-too-frequently find themselves on the wrong side of the law due to unfortunate happenstance. 

Some are able to stand up in defense of themselves, while unfortunately, others suffer resentment and humiliation that they simply "cannot take anymore." I need not expand further on that school of thought. You know the story!

Suffice to say, all reasons for bigotry are wrong. On the other hand, practice in discriminating between right and wrong, it is certainly a positive action. It helps us discern between the positives and the negatives of a situation and then to act in the end upon what is deemed to be right and humane.

A focus on bigotry, science believes, has origins in human evolution. Several hundred thousand years ago, an animal that looked different from man was generally perceived a dangerous predator and thus prehistoric ancestors learned to dislike and avoid that which was different from themselves. Call it discrimination in an evolutionary context.

Once upon a time slavery was commonly accepted not just in the North America, but the world over. Today there are international laws against it. Sensibilities have changed gradually over the passage of time.

Ditto, less than 50 years ago segregated lunch counters in the Jim Crow south, as in Canada, were as accepted as a handshake. Now they would provoke outrage and are actually banned in law.

Thankfully, progress has been made but my point is that there is still a long way to go.

"Finality is not in the vocabulary of politics," said Benjamin Disraeli. As in politics, so in life. Trends will ebb and flow. Indeed, in some ways the irony is that the zeal to eliminate bigotry has, from time to time, produced its own bigotry. The best of intentions do not always conduce to the best results because, again, humans are not known to be perfect angels.

The more things change, the more they have a habit of remaining the same.

The cognizance of viewed difference is imbedded in humanity, much to the detriment of all. You can legislate human rights, but you cannot dictate what goes on in human minds that in many cases still wallow in the dark ages of ignorance.

Sorry to leave you hanging like that dear reader!

Would that after most of us are long gone from this earthly existence, self-awareness, education, engagement and flexibility will have eventually won out.

As I said in the aforementioned blog site: "Prejudices will continue to be with us until we finally come to the realization that we are all one. Artificial barriers are totally inconsequential, it is the whole human being that counts."

Over to our children and their children's children who just may be more in tune discriminatorily than we realize. God bless them!

THERE'S CLOSURE IN FORGIVENESS

Just a few thoughts on forgiveness following the previous post on the subject of Restoring Goodness Without Condemnation.

To my way of thinking one of the biggest gifts you can give another and yourself, is forgiveness. They say that anger is a hot coal you hold in your hand. You can throw it at the person you hate, but you still burn your own hand.

Forgiveness may not be easy. Perhaps some people don’t deserve forgiveness. But who are we to know the depths of pain in others? What cruelties have they endured that darkened their hearts?

When we forgive, we are not saying we approve or have forgotten the pain caused by another. Rather, we are choosing to rise above anger and hatred. We are freeing our self, and the other, to start anew.

Forgiveness shows that love trumps hatred and pain. A charitable heart can sometimes expunge years of pain and anger. And even if the person forgiven does not accept your gift, you have reached the moral high ground. Not that you’re trying to be better than the other, but that you’re freeing yourself and showing the other that there is another way.

Forgiveness heals wounds. And when the ones forgiven eventually “shake off their mortal coils,” dealing with the loss is a little bit easier. Because forgiveness invites closure.

RESTORING GOODNESS WITHOUT CONDEMNATION...

Several years ago in a TV documentary on Apartheid, a very interesting and subsequently controversial custom of the Babemba tribe in South Africa was featured. Within that community, antisocial or criminal behavior is reportedly rare. However, whenever it does occur, the Babemba were portrayed as having an interesting and beautifully creative way of dealing with it.

The story went that if a member of the tribe acts irresponsibly, they are placed at the center of the village. Work stops, and every man, woman, and child in the town gathers around the accused in a large circle. Then, one at a time, everyone, including the children, call out all the good things the person in the center has done previously. All the positive attributes and the kind acts are recited carefully and at length. No one is permitted to exaggerate or be facetious. 

It was further explained that the ceremony often lasts for several days and doesn't stop until everyone is drained of every positive comment they can muster about the transgressor. Not one word of criticism concerning the accused's irresponsible, antisocial deed is permitted. In the end, the tribal circle breaks up, a celebration begins, and he or she is welcomed back into the community. 

Ideally, this overwhelming, positive bombardment would strengthen the self-esteem of the accused and cause that person to resolve to live up to the expectations of the tribe. It was further suggested that the success of this creative response to wrongdoing seemed apparent because that type of ceremony is quite rare for this particular set of tribespeople.

Not because I'm just a bit skeptical at times, but because I am fascinated by this particular subject, I decided to do some research and what I found was somewhat surprising. Many are convinced that the story is false while others suggest it is mythical in nature. There are also those who doubt that a "Babemba" tribe ever existed.

One thing that cannot be disputed however is the fact that a South African tribe known as Bemba is also called Awemba or Babemba. The nation of Zambia is has 73 tribes with Bemba being the largest at about 36 percent of the population. Other than that, there does not seem to be much written evidence to back up the story, which in my mind makes it neither true nor not true. 

Does this matter? Perhaps not. The important thing is that here is another way of seeing wrong-doing. It is not the person who is bad. It is their behaviour. And rather than apportioning blame, the social group takes responsibility to “heal” the miscreant by reminding them that they belong to the group, are loved, and have good inside them that they may not see and need to be reminded of.

Food for thought, especially when talking about forgiveness.

One wonders if, perhaps, borrowing from this technique might be a good idea, at least in certain family situations in which a member has gone astray.

We all know how difficult it is to make profound changes in our lives, though the need may be apparent. We recognize that there is a need for change, but we hesitate. The prospect of change in our lives makes us uneasy. We find it threatening when we realize that substantial change for the better means a repudiation of so much we have stood for all our lives. 

We find it intimidating to be called upon to renounce that which, like nothing else, is often of our own creation.

The pressing question, of course, remains...Should you forgive and forget, or does that make you a pushover?

Not an easy question and not an easy thing to do sometimes. Even when you consider that forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation, it can still be hard to really let go of feelings of resentment, hurt, blame, anger, and the desire for the perpetrator to be punished in some way.

“They had it coming to them” is a phrase you hear when someone experiences misfortune, and this misfortune can make us feel a little relieved somehow, especially if that person did something that we consider was wrong towards us personally. It reinforces some sense of invisible justice. Implicit is that punishment is what is needed when someone does wrong. This may seem self-evident. “Of course, if someone does something wrong they need to be punished”, you might think. Otherwise it looks like they got away with it, were let off the hook, and will therefore transgress again.

Dare I suggest that there might be a time and place for forgiveness? That forgiveness can be selective, given the circumstances -- and the size of a person's heart?

Hmmmmm!

As I say, "food for thought."

TO CRY OR NOT TO CRY, THAT WAS THE QUESTION

when she was on her sickbed and mercifully near the end of her life, I noticed that my wife Anne had not cried in a very long time, as much as it would have been justified and expected. Over the course of her brave nine-year struggle with cancer we had both shed rivers of tears, together and separately. That sort of thing is only natural, as those who have been there and experienced that can attest.

My curiosity got the best of me and during a quiet time one day, I put it as tactfully as possible: "Anne, it is commendable how you have resisted crying lately when you had every reason to do so...How is that?"

Not hesitating, she replied with palpable resolve: "That's because if I ever started crying I would never be able to stop!" So typically Anne. When she made up her mind...

That was 23 years ago. I'll never forget those words.

All of which leads me to this past weekend when for some reason events and thoughts of the day impacted me emotionally -- music I listened to, virtually everything I read, a wandering mind, reflections of the good and bad from a number of lifetimes ago, lost loves, loneliness, happy times and sad times, failures and successes. It was just one of those periods, I suspect, when things and events of the past simply catch up with you when you are at a vulnerable and advanced stage of life and everything is magnified.

The funny part was that, generally, it was all good. I have learned the value of rationalization and to always count my blessings. But I still felt an overwhelming impulse to cry, in the late hours of Sunday in particular. Tears welled in my eyes, there was a hard-to-swallow lump in my throat and a persistent ache in my chest. I continually struggled to keep myself together, several times rejecting an inner voice that told me to "let it go, bawl your eyes out and you will feel better."

Perhaps.

Maybe I'll succumb to those pent up emotions another time, but for now I'm listening to those words of Anne so indelibly etched on my heart.

"If I ever started crying I would never be able to stop!"

ON SEEING THE HUMAN IN FRONT OF US

In Biblical times, the word "leprosy" designated several kinds of mangy, scaly skin diseases, not the condition of leprosy we know today as "Hansen's Disease." It is extremely doubtful that today's leprosy ever occurred in Palestine in Biblical times.

Therefore, when we read about Jesus Christ confronting a leper, the man was not afflicted with the kind of leprosy that degenerates nerves, causes loss of sensation, loss of muscular movement, and, finally, loss of extremities such as fingers, toes, and nose. Nevertheless, the man was rightly troubled because he was afflicted with a skin disease that caused him to be ostracized from his people. 

Francis of Assisi embraces a leper.

Interestingly, under Jewish Law, severe measures were taken to prevent the spread of skin diseases. The afflicted person was isolated from the community, was not allowed to enter settled areas. He was required to give a clear warning to other people of his condition so that they might avoid getting close to him. However, the disease was curable, but the leper was able to resume his life in the community only after a priest had verified his cure and performed the purification rite required by Law.

In the stories of his life, 13th Century Francis of Assisi is depicted as a man for others -- a man who loved others -- a man who was always there to "give a cup of cold water" to Jesus' "lowly ones." But there were many lepers around in his time, and St. Francis had a terrible fear of them. Yet he knew, somewhere deep inside, that someday he was going to have to break through that barrier of fear to move deeper into his life with God. It happened one day when he went out for a walk with his brother Leo. They heard the bells! 

In Francis' time, lepers were forced to carry little bells and ring them to warn passersby. And as the brothers listened to the distinct sound of those bells, a leper emerged from a clump of trees. Brother Leo was horrified as he looked at this sick man, disfigured by the disease. Leo turned away, but Francis ran forward and embraced the leper.

Identities are complex. There are thousands of them. Sometimes people label us. Sometimes we label ourselves. Sometimes the labels are justifiable, logical, excusable, useful. Sometimes they’re not. But that’s beside the point.

The point is that whatever identities define us, however appropriate they are, they never represent the most fundamental truth, which is both bigger and deeper. Francis understood that truth better than almost anyone.

Perhaps that’s why his embrace of the leper was not a one-time action. Rather it was an action he would repeat for the rest of his active life. Indeed, taking care of lepers became one of the acts of mercy most closely identified with Saint Francis of Assisi.

If only each one of us could follow his example, and whether we’re dealing with conflict or just dealing with everyday life, see the person before us first and foremost as a human being made in the image and likeness of God.