DISCIPLINE TODAY VS. 1940s: IT'S ALL RELEVANT, BUT DIFFERENT

I was lazing over a late breakfast this morning/afternoon (why get up early in the a.m. when you don't have too?...that's my philosophy) when, for absolutely no apparent reason, I began to think about discipline administered by parents today as opposed to when I was growing up in the 1940s.

End result? Very little similarity.

Disciplining children in the 1940s is now often regarded as strict, harsh and oppressive. In fact, children generally were meant to be "seen but not heard." Benjamin Spock’s "Baby and Child Care," which was first published in 1946, greatly influenced how children should be raised. His was one of the first works to promote a scientific view of child-rearing, and parents increasingly turned to advanced theories on parenthood to know how to discipline their children instead of turning to their friends or relatives for parenting advice.

In the '40s, teachers and parents thought that punishing children reduced bad behavior. However, research that came later seemed to prove that this was not the case. Nevertheless, there does seem to be agreement among eyewitness accounts of what it was like to be a child in the '40s that discipline produced a greater fear of authority than what exists today. There was a greater consensus that good manners were more important in society back then and this impacted how people disciplined their children.

The general thinking was "spare the rod and spoil the child." The studies that came out of institutionalized environments for children at that time also suggested that mothers should be with their children 24 hours a day and that anything else could prove damaging for the child’s development. So, the phrase "when your father gets home" was used by housewives frequently across the country when they tried to discipline their child.

Grace Wright, however, never found it necessary to issue that threat to her only child. She handed out her style of discipline on the spot by utilizing whatever weapon was nearest at hand -- a yard stick, a broom, a fly swatter, a wooden spoon; and sometimes (for dramatic effect) taking the time to retrieve my dad's razor strap from the bathroom. I knew what was coming and the anguished anticipation of waiting for that first stinging whack of the strap on any exposed area of my body was the worst part of enduring the punishment. My mind was generally a blank after that.

Funny thing, I do not remember my mother ever threatening to discipline me. She either did, or she didn't. And I do not remember her actually using her bare hand. One thing for sure, I do not recall ever repeating a particular act of bad behaviour...I wasn't that dumb!

My father Ken was more of a softee and I seemed to respect that in him. There was one exception, however, and I have never forgotten it. For the life of me, I do not remember what I had done wrong, but whatever it was it occurred when I was in the bath tub. My dad became so frustrated with my antics that he took the bath brush and applied it amply to my bare bottom, not once but at least a half dozen times. 

I would have taken at least three of my mother's razor strappings to that one scrub brush episode with my dad. My mother told me after Ken's death not many years later, that he came downstairs with tears in his eyes after that one spanking and exclaimed to her: "There, I've done it...And the boy will  probably hate me for the rest of his life."

I was a lot like my dad with my two daughters. Their mother Anne was the main disciplinarian and she did a wonderful job. Generally, she laid down the law and the girls respected her enough to accept the way it was to be in the Wright household.  In the end, I honestly believe that the girls loved their mother and father equally, perhaps in different ways and for different reasons.

Today, many look back at the '40s and '50s and see the corporal punishments that adults inflicted on children as unnecessary and unfair. However, elders who look back at what life was like when they were growing up see a lack of morals in today’s society that affects how children are reared --negative influences on children that did not exist in the past.

Nevertheless, kids of any age act up and become unruly, especially when not getting their way. One way or another they have to learn what is acceptable behaviour and what is not.  In a perfect world they are punished for bad behaviour and acknowledged (rewarded or praised) when they are "good".

It logically follows that we can choose to pick out the "good" parts about what it was like to be a child in the 1940s and avoid the "bad" parts and integrate them into what it means to be a child today. A healthy dose of discipline and structure and a general respect toward society are all important lessons we can take from the discipline of yesteryear.

I truly believe that, done properly, it is a tough job being a parent in today's society, just as it was in the past...And it is equally as tough being a kid, but for possible different reasons.

In retrospect, I've been there and experienced all of that. And I'm kind of glad that it's all history now.

If I had it to live over again however, I would. And I wouldn't wish for anything different.

It all worked for me and I'm still here to talk about it, little the worse for wear.