"ZINGERS" CAN BE A USEFUL TOOL IN GAINING AN EDGE AND WE LOVE 'EM

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to four-letter words. 

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." 

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistakes."

Is it just me, or have you too noticed an increasing use of one-upmanship and snappy zingers in today's verbal exchanges, particularly in political debate forums?

What’s the psychology behind zingers anyway? Why do we love these verbal punches, these pithy “gotchas” so much? Isn’t a zinger just a veiled insult?

Don’t get me wrong – I love a good zinger. They’re the savory, spicy, falsely sweet, amuse-bouche of conversation. Zingers can help you win the battle by pushing back with a twist of wit and humor.

A zinger can be a sort of verbal guerilla warfare, a slyly creative intimidation – and it’s entertaining to boot.

It’s great when our hero beats the crap out of the villain and then gives him a succinct verbal lashing, effectively saying, “I’m not only righteous, strong, and a bad-ass… I’m smart, superior, and you’re a dumb-ass for thinking you could challenge me and win.”

At the same time, we love to love our villians as worthy opponents, real threats with teeth and style.

Zingers can be very satisfying and it feels good to identify with the person who comes out on top in the exchange. A snappy remark that exposes the soft underbelly of the other guy’s position – or better yet – the other guy’s ridiculousness, can expose a whole lot of blather and hot air for what it is. A zinger can drive home a point or take the other guy’s point away in a flash. 

A well-delivered riposte somehow gives us confidence that we – or the guy we’re rooting for – has a handle on things. The felt truth of a zinger can encapsulate what a long-winded explanation couldn’t. Plus, tallying up the stinging comebacks has become our way of keeping score.

On the flip side, a zinger can distract from the real point of the whole exchange and stop the conversation dead in its tracks in service to one-upmanship. If you’re focused on taking the other guy down – which unfortunately seems to be what our politics have become about in the desperate days right before election day – then not much substantial information comes to light. The dialogue might have energy, but lack in revelation or meaningful insight with which to build understanding.

It seems to me that what we expect and respect on the political stage tells us something about how we handle our personal conflicts. I would bet that most of us have used this tactic of caustic remarks in our arguments with loved ones. When we’re hurt, we want to hurt back.

Zingers help us combat feeling powerless, vulnerable, and transparent. It’s difficult to say your truth with vulnerability instead of humor because it leaves you nowhere to hide emotionally. Sometimes there’s a kernel of truth in the veiled insult of a zinger that might go unsaid otherwise. An unvarnished perspective makes it harder to claim being misunderstood. A straight statement of what you think or feel makes it more difficult to back-pedal or distance yourself with explanations of “what I really meant was…”

I don’t expect the form of our political discourse to change any time soon...It has become too ingrained in political jousting. We all – myself included – count up the clever bon mots to determine which candidate has the heat, the stinging silver tongue, to one-up the other guy and win our confidence and support. The place we can attempt a meaningful difference, however, is in our personal relationships. What would it be like to forego the half-playful, but-really-true, put-down in favor of a heartful telling of our truth?

NOW READ THIS, MR. AND MRS. CANADIAN POLITICIAN...

Louis deBeaudrap is my kind of guy.  He speaks not only as a native Albertan but for all rational-thinking Canadians who have had it up to here... with the state of politics in our country.  He wrote the following on his Facebook timeline prior to the federal election, Oct. 21. The post is a bit long-winded but I support every down-to-earth word of it. It sure saves me a lot of work.

I don't often get on a soapbox and vent my opinions like this, but I am getting FED UP, along with millions of other Canadians who just want to have a good life in what is supposed to be the Best Country in the world to live in..

Our world of politicians has finally downgraded itself into a cesspool of miserable, self-serving individuals who seem to do nothing but engage themselves in a giant game of "King of the Castle". Their whole existence seems to revolve around dragging down all others, in whatever manner possible, so that they get to sit on the highest seat on Parliament Hill.

Mr. and Mrs. Louis de Beaudrap

For many years now, the situation has been getting worse, and now there seems to be no hope of actually having any kind of a Government that can effectively lead this country with integrity, pride, honor, HONESTY, and a serious, effective agenda. The main focus of all politicians seems to be to discredit others, however possible, and to talk about what others can't do, rather than focus on what CAN be Done.

I don't care what your views are, what they were, who your parents are, how privileged you are or are not, or whether you dressed up in a costume 20 years ago in a more innocent time... All I care about is how YOU are going to help this country get out of the mess that has developed, and what your part is going to be in a cooperative, democratic system that is going to make it happen, and damn soon.

When I try to listen to candidates speak in a Forum or debate, all I see is foolish idiotic opportunists who talk over each other, lack respect for each other, and continually discredit each other. When You want my time to listen to your agenda, this is not what I want to hear. I want you to respect my time, and each other, listen to what the others say, and carefully form your words to complement their position , prove your way is better, and then let ME make the decision of what I will vote for. I don't want to waste my time listening to whining, finger-pointing brats trying to outdo each other with innuendos and accusations. I will decide who is the better person - not you.

The Legislatures and Parliament houses have become nothing but big sandboxes, full of disgusting children, fighting, mudslinging, and whining. If these people were our children, they would be punished for such behaviour. Children who tattle and bully each other do nothing but hurt each other, and make it impossible for cooperation. The job of Government is to accept the election results, and then get on with a productive mission by ALL elected persons to make things happen for the betterment of our great Country. If all they do is squabble, delay, strategize on how to make the others look bad, then nothing gets done for another 4 years. It has become so bad, that the Speaker of the House cannot even control the heckling, shouting and disrespect that takes up entire days, where nothing can get done because of it.

If nothing is going to change after an election, then why bother ?? !! Why make us all listen to the diarrhea before and after the election, spend millions in having the election, spend all the time and effort to encourage us to vote, and then have nothing change? Why, why, why?

I want to be able to take a visiting guest into the gallery of my Provincial Government or My Federal Government House, and proudly look down on a group of people who are actually busy Doing Something to help my Province or Country, and be able to proudly say, " There is my Government at work, for ME " Such has not been the case for a long, long time.

It is true, that, if you look south across the border there are persons in that Government that are behaving the same or even worse, but that does not give us an excuse to accept that behaviour here. We are better than that, and our politicians need to start proving it, and acting better. It does nothing but make us look weak and ineffective in the world.

If any politician cannot work FOR our country instead of for his own gain, and if he cannot stop behaving like a spoiled, whiny child, then he needs to go home, and make room for someone who will do the work. Being an elected seat-holder does not mean you are working to better your own pension and position. Being an elected individual means you are there to Get Things Done. If you do a good job, your pension will come later. In the meantime, we need accountability and Performance Reviews to decide if you are going to be around long enough to get a pension. We "common folks" have to accomplish productivity and beneficial results to keep our jobs. You should be held to the same expectations. If we behaved at work in the same manner as what I see in Parliament, we would be fired, and very quickly.

So, let's stop trying to drag up hurtful things from years ago, that have no relevance to the present. Let's look at present performance and platforms that offer reasonable and promising results for the benefit of All. And let's work together to help make those things happen.

Let's not do the "fake soccer injury thing" every time another person opens their mouth. Let's not pull the race card out on every issue, just for attention.
Let's not start false/exaggerated/irrelevant stories about each other to rile up the masses. We can see right through this kind of nonsense. We don't have time for that. We do have time to see productive results.

Let's pull up our socks and Get to Work, with diligence, honor, integrity, ambition, and ethics. Let's not secretly run around and try to push our own agenda down the throats of those who pay the taxes to allow you to be elected in the first place. You work for Us, not the other way around. Remember that.

It is time to take a look in the mirror for every elected person, and for them to ask the question, " Am I honestly doing a good job, - Am I actually Earning the pay cheque I get? Am I working with my Country's best interest in mind, or just trying to push my own opinions to the fore? Do I belong here in Parliament/Legislature ? Do I have the respect of my electors? "

If you cannot look yourself in the eyes and find a good, true answer of "Yes" to all of these questions, -- then just go home. You are not doing a damn bit of good for us. Canada is a Great Country, one I used to be prouder of than I am today. I want that proud feeling to come back. So do millions of other Canadians.

FRANCES WRIGHT: FITTING HONOUR FOR AN OUTSTANDING WOMAN

Click on video to listen to Elizabeth explain the "Famous Five Women" statues and her pride in being a Canadian.

Frances E. Wright BA, BJ, LLD (hon) was one of eight Albertans to receive the Alberta Order of Excellence, the highest provincial honour a citizen can receive, during a ceremony at the Government House in Edmonton last month.

I only became aware of this remarkable woman who bears my family name, quite by accident when doing some research on the current separation anxiety sweeping Western Canada following Monday's federal election. I absolutely had to drop everything currently on my plate in order to highlight the following story on Wrights Lane. The timeliness speaks for itself.

Calgarian Wright has worked as an ambassador for social justice and nation-building, striving to strengthen democracy and lift the voice of the marginalized. She approaches each new challenge with a contagious passion for strengthening democracy and a determination to bring a voice to those not often heard. 

But we'll start from the beginning.

Frances Elizabeth Wright was born in East London, South Africa. Her mother, a Canadian, wanted to return to Canada, so in 1953 when Frances was six, the family left South Africa under the guise of vacationing in England. But when South African authorities learned the truth, the family’s assets were frozen and turned over to the state to discourage other white families from leaving. After first visiting the Niagara region, and then Regina, the family ultimately chose Calgary. All the while, Frances’ parents taught their children the importance of being good citizens and good neighbours.

Frances remembers kids in school calling her a “DP” — displaced person, immigrant, not a true Canadian. As a result, she learned quickly how to fit in, including adopting a Canadian accent. The experience convinced Frances to be grateful to Canada and to assume her responsibility to help make it better for others.

After attending the University of Calgary for her Bachelor of Arts and Carleton University for a Bachelor of Journalism (with honours), Frances tried her hand at various careers, including journalist, stockbroker, communications consultant and entrepreneur. Along with her husband Richard Pootmans, she owned and operated six successful PORTS International clothing stores for 10 years.

In 1996, Frances and friends established the Famous 5 Foundation (F5F), an organization that drove a movement to finally recognize the five democratic champions from Alberta who worked tirelessly to ensure that women were enfranchised and legally recognized as persons.

The famous five women were:
Emily Murphy (1868–1933), the British Empire's first female judge;
Irene Marryat Parlby (1868–1965), farm women's leader, political activist and first female Cabinet minister in Alberta, still serving in that capacity at the time of the court case;
Nellie Mooney McClung (1873–1951), a suffragist and author, member of the Alberta Legislature 1921–1926;
Louise Crummy McKinney (1868–1931), the first woman elected to the Legislative Assembly of Alberta, or any legislature in Canada or the rest of the British Empire, but no longer MLA at the time of the court case;
Henrietta Muir Edwards (1849–1931), an advocate for working women, author and a founding member of the Victorian Order of Nurses.


“One of the successes of the Famous 5 Foundation is that it has energized Canadians about our history. It has helped us realize that when we make major strides in terms of social justice, those strides affect not only us, but also other countries. As a result, people look at Canada as a beacon. That’s why we have to be stronger and more progressive and kinder and serve as an example for the rest of the world.” ~A quote from Frances.

Frances and the F5F launched a number of projects to raise awareness about the Famous 5 and the role they played in building Canada. In tribute to the 70th Anniversary of the ‘Persons’ Case, F5F installed larger-than-life bronze monuments — called Women Are Persons! — in Olympic Plaza in Calgary on October 18, 1999, and on Parliament Hill in Ottawa on October 18, 2000. Together, the monuments are the largest art installation in Canada.

Recognizing that most Canadians knew little about the Famous 5’s role in Canadian history, F5F also partnered with the Girl Guides of Canada to promote the 70th Anniversary of the ‘Persons’ Case. In each provincial legislature, Girl Guides spoke in front of the Speaker of the House, the Minister Responsible for the Status of Women, and other dignitaries and guests, raising awareness among lawmakers and the public alike.

Frances persuaded Canada Post to create a Famous 5 stamp and the Bank of Canada to issue a $50 banknote featuring the Famous 5, making it the first time identifiable Canadian women would appear on Canadian banknotes. To celebrate the 80th Anniversary of the ‘Persons’ Case, she convinced the Senate of Canada to declare the Famous 5 as Honourary Senators, the first and only time such a declaration has been made. More than two decades after it was established, the F5F’s mandate remains to educate, advocate and celebrate women’s successes, and to inspire Canadian youth to become nation builders.

Later, Frances found herself remembering a request made at the launch of the F5F and comments she’d heard during the partnership with the Girl Guides. Fathers who had heard their daughters speak eloquently in the legislatures observed that the anthem they’d sung together did not include their daughters. It did not encourage the girls to be nation builders, to be politicians, to be citizens engaged in helping to make their nation better. Why? Because of these lyrics: “True patriot love, in all thy sons command.”

Ever the feminist, Frances’ commitment to Canadian values led her to another successful campaign: to restore O Canada to its original inclusive lyrics. Written in the early 1900s, the initial O Canada lyrics were, "True patriot love, thou dost in us command,” but they were changed to encourage military recruitment with the advent of World War I. It took 22 years of negotiation, advocacy and patience, but Frances and a team of supporters succeeded on January 31, 2018. Thanks to her leadership, Canada’s girls and women are now included in the national anthem as we sing, “True patriot love in all of us command.”

“We just changed two little words,” says Frances. “I think it heralds a whole new era of men and women building Canada together.”

The F5F and the anthem debate reveal the depth of Frances’ commitment to a cause. Knowing that many factors contribute to building healthy, equal and just communities, she has dedicated her time and talents to more than 25 boards and committees over the past four decades, all focused on building community through everything from health to politics, business and advancing the role of women. Just a few of those organizations include the Canadian Foundation for AIDS Research, Equal Voice Alberta South, the Mount Royal Village Merchants Association and the International Women’s Forum Calgary.

Most recently, Frances has been moved to act by a startling statistic: at least one in six men has been sexually assaulted before the age of 18 and there are only three dedicated treatment centres in Canada. In response, Frances launched the Canadian Centre for Male Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse in 2012. The centre’s vision is to create a world-class treatment centre in Calgary to address the complex issues faced by abused, traumatized men who have been under served and stigmatized in society.

Frances believes the most important messages for these men to hear are that they are not alone, they will be believed and healing is possible.

Given her profound achievements and life-long dedication to community service, Frances is the grateful recipient of a number of awards, including the Governor General’s Award for the Commemoration of the Persons Case and the Rotary Integrity Award, as well as the Queen Elizabeth II’s Golden and Diamond Jubilee Medals, and the Alberta Centennial Medal. She has been recognized by the Women’s Executive Network as one of Canada’s 100 Most Powerful Women, and in 2014, the University of Calgary bestowed her with an Honourary Doctor of Laws degree.

Frances maintains that any success she has had relies directly on people who have joined her in working together to make a difference, including her wonderful family and friends. “The word ‘Frances’ no longer means just ‘Frances.’ It means ‘Frances and friends,’” she laughs.

“I've wanted to show my gratitude to Canada for letting us live in Calgary and to do what we wanted to do. It’s important, though, that we not think only about ourselves. We must consider the bigger issues. And we must particularly be aware of those who don't have a voice or who can't speak freely. We need to move their agendas forward, too.”

Frances has said, “I want to build a better nation.” Armed with her tenacity, her leadership, her commitment to social justice and a contact list decades in the making, she has inspired a new generation of trailblazers and courageous leaders who are working toward a more equal society — together. Like the Famous 5 pledge, she has “felt equal to high and splendid braveries!”

A MORNING IN THE LIFE OF A SMALL TOWN LAY PREACHER

My dad's 80-year-old Bible came in handy but it threw me for a loop.

It is 9:55 a.m. and I am about to leave for Geneva Presbyterian Church in Chesley, about a 40-minute drive, where I am leading the Sunday worship service. On this particular morning I am feeling inadequate and unworthy, not confident that my message will be of any significance. This is not an altogether unusual feeling but more often than not, it is a signal to me that I need to "increase my faith", which is exactly the topic of my sermon this morning. I'll let you know how things turn out.

The above is a brief post that I dashed off this morning on my Facebook timeline with the overwhelming impression that something unexplainable was either amiss or in store for me. At the same time, I had reservations about my ability to adequately serve as God's messenger on this particular Sunday.

I'll simply recount the events of the ensuing three hours and in the process, hopefully it will all come into focus for me.

The drive to Chesley was a quiet one, so much so that even though I had a good eight hours of sleep the night before, I felt unusually drowsy and wished that I could pull over on the roadside and have a nap. The danger in doing that, however, would have been that I could have slept through the entire time that I should have been conducting the church service.

As it was, I arrived in downtown Chesley a good 30 minutes before the start of the service. I am always reluctant to walk into a church too early and try to avoid those awkward minutes twiddling my thumbs as the choir and others busily prepare for their roles in the service.

I decided to park my car on the ghost-like main street in order to while away some time. No one but me, a woman walking her dog and an oblivious-to-the world, groggy-eyed transient who had spent the night sleeping on a bench in front of the local legion.

I wondered about the dishevelled man across the street as he nodded off, falling in and out of consciousness (much like I felt like doing). What was his story? Did he at one time have family and loved ones? What had he done for a living in previous life? Did he have any hopes for the future, or had he completely given up on life? 

There but for the grace of God...I resisted the temptation to go over and talk to him, opting instead for a silent prayer on his behalf.

After about 10 minutes that seemed to pass in a flash, I drove the remaining three blocks to deliver my sermon on the topic "Leaning on God" to "Help Us Go Forward" in times of trouble and anguish when we are unable to go any further in life. Something about putting myself ever so briefly in the shoes of that old hobo empowered me to go forward with what I was called to do on this particular morning.

But I wasn't home Scot free just yet.

A chap approached me as I entered the Sunday School hall at the church, announcing that the lady who was to have led off the service by leading the Call to Worship, had been unable to meet the commitment and that he would be pinch-hitting for her. He said that he could handle the customary announcements at the start of the service but was not sufficiently prepared to do the usual scripture readings as well.

That news sent me scrambling.

I develop all worship services using scripture from my working copy of New King James Version of the Holy Bible and wouldn't you know it, I left it at home this morning. All I had in my brief case was my late father Ken's 80-year-old copy of the original Authorized (King James) Version, and there is a difference. I should explain that as a comforter of sorts, my dad's old Bible (held together by trusty duct tape) goes with me wherever I go. "No problem, I'll just read from that," I reasoned, not to be deterred by the unexpected change in the order of service.

It wasn't until I came to the Gospel Lesson taken from Luke 17:5-10 that I realized I had a problem. In this chapter the Apostles asked for an "increase in their faith" and Jesus points out that if they had the faith of a mustard seed they (according to my dad's Bible) "might say to this sycamine tree 'be thou plucked up by the root, and planted in the sea; and it should obey you'."

The trouble was, for my sermon I liberally sprinkled the word "mulberry" tree into my text because that is what the tree was named in the updated King James version of the Bible. I literally had to go back to the drawing board while on the run with this one, explaining that sycamine and mulberry are thought to be the same kind of tree, as much for my benefit as it was for my audience.

Not a big deal really, but it is kind of off-putting when you have to think at the same time as you're on your feet in the throes of speaking.

Anyway, I got through the service and seemed to sense that people appreciated the message: "It is faith that uplifts us -- not faith by earning God's love, but by accepting it. It is faith that reflects God's love made real in the way we live and by the way we love." We have only to lean on God when we are at a low point in our life and He will lift us up.

I'll never forget my time in Chesley this morning for three reasons 1) I should practice what I preach when it comes to having faith, 2) that old transient sitting on the bench in front of the legion and 3) sycamine/mullberry trees.

P.S. After the service I was unusually famished. Generally on such trips I stop at a favorite coffee shop in nearby Tara. As luck would have it, they were closed this morning and I had to settle for a breakfast sandwich at Tim Horton's when I got back to Southampton.

All in a morning's work for a struggling lay preacher answering a call in the four-church Co-Op Ministry of Central Grey-Bruce.

GIVING CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE

While I do not intend to devote any part of Wrights Lane to comment on the upcoming Canadian election, I was impressed with both participants in the following campaign trail exchange as reported by the CBC Network.

A campaigning Jagmeet Singh had a public encounter today with a man in Montreal who urged the NDP leader to "cut off" his turban to "look more like a Canadian."

Singh was engaging prospective voters at Atwater Market this morning in front of media cameras and reporters. He approached an elderly man to greet him.

As Singh shook his hand, the man spoke to the NDP leader in English.

"You know what? You should cut your turban off," he said. "You'll look like a Canadian."

"Oh, I think Canadians look like all sorts of people," Singh replied. "That's the beauty of Canada."

"Yeah, but..." the man said — before Singh cut him off.

"That's okay, I don't agree, sir," he said.

"In Rome, you do as the Romans do," the man said.

"Hey, but this is Canada, you can do whatever you like," Singh said, then walked way.

"All right, take care, eh?" the man called after him. "I hope you win."

Singh, who faces significant pressure to defend his party's seats in Quebec, already has said an NDP government wouldn't challenge Quebec's religious symbols law in court — but he hopes his own public identity can change Quebecers' minds about wearing religious symbols.

"I'm a bearded, turbaned man that's going to Quebec and saying, 'I love the French language, I respect the unique identity of Quebec and I want to fight to defend it and I'm proud of who I am,'" Singh said last month.

The provincial religious symbols law, known as Bill 21, bars teachers, judges and other public sector workers from wearing religious symbols and clothing at work. Federal party leaders have spoken out against the law — but have not agreed to join any legal challenge of Bill 21.

I give Singh full marks for the way in which he handled the encounter with the elderly man who spoke his mind in Montreal. To my mind it was a perfect example of civilly agreeing to disagree on a rather personal matter.

And you know what...There was sincerity in the man's not-too-subtle suggestion. I have no doubt that Singh would in fact pick up considerable votes if he did "cut off" his turban.

I would, however, be disappointed in Singh if he did decide to look more Canadian at this stage of the game. He is standing on principle and he can't be criticized for that. It won't make him Prime Minister, but it is gutsy -- and commendable.

Only in Canada, you say!?

SILENCE IS GOLDEN...

“The ego gets what it wants with words. The soul finds what it needs in silence.” ~ Richard Rohr

"You don’t need to have an opinion on everything," insists fellow blogger Dan Pedersen.  "What matters is not how many things you know, it’s how well you know the things that matter."

Excellent point and I could not have said it any better.

Some of the things we want to know are unknowable anyway. But everything we need to know is knowable, and much of it is within.

Spend some time away from the voices of others if you want to hear your inner wisdom. Wisdom comes from having a quiet mind. Seek your answers in silence. It works for me!

Shut out the nonsense that is continually thrown at you in this age of digital communications and mass media and occupy your thinking with the really important matters in your life, i.e. faith, family, relationships, health.

There once was a man who was very quiet. Because of his quietness, people thought the man lacked confidence. His quietness made others feel uncomfortable.

One day, a lady asked the man why he was so shy.

“Shy?” The man replied. “I’m not shy at all.”

“But you hardly say anything”, the woman replied. “Why don’t you come out of your shell, we won’t bite you.”

“I’m not quiet because of fear”, said the man. “I’m quiet because this is the natural state of man. It’s those who insist on a lot of chatter who are truly afraid. They’re afraid of silence. They’re afraid to be with their true self. They’re afraid of rejection. I’m afraid of those things too, but I’m conquering my fears through silence. The strong are considered weak and the weak are considered strong, that’s the way of the world, but it’s not the way of the spirit.”