Sharing with you things that are on my mind...Maybe yours too. Come back to Wrights Lane for a visit anytime!

27 February, 2010

ANNOUNCEMENT: I AM NOT PERFECT, NEVER HAVE BEEN...NEVER WILL BE

Speaking of "figures of speech", as in my previous post (see below), I was recently called "Mr. Perfect" by someone quite close to me.  It was not the first time I had been labelled as such, in all previous cases by members of the opposite sex in disputes of some sort.  You know, the "Oh you think you're so perfect!" treatment.

Males of my acquaintance may very well be of the same opinion but, typical of the species, choose only to think it and not express it.  I have no way of knowing, but I can't help but wonder.

There was an instance many years ago when I was standing on a matter of principle as a newspaper editor when my immediate superior mustered up all his nobility in pronouncing:  "Salt of the earth will get you nowhere, Dick."  I had no idea of what he was getting at and he died shortly after.  I have wished a thousand times that I could ask him for clarification.

Knowing that in reality I am anything but perfect, I am left drawing the conclusion that my accusers are/were trying to make a point with me -- that I am perfect only in my own mind. 

What really concerns me is that I speak often and openly about my weaknesses and shortcomings and even go so far as to write about them in the hope that others may relate and even learn from my experiences.  Truthfully, I am so imperfect that I have a complex about it and try very hard to compensate by the way in which I live my life.  Time and again, I have failed myself...All part of being imperfectly human I guess.

I think that I run into trouble sometimes because I am an "idealist" by nature.  Idealists make people feel uncomfortable, particularly when they hit close to home, the tendancy being to ask in deflection: "Who does he think he is anyway?...When did he become so perfect?" 

As an "idealist", first and foremost,  I have high expectations of myself and die a thousand deaths every time I do not meet those expectations.  In a way, that can be very much a handicap, but I accept it now simply as the way I am.  It saddens me though that I am seen as "Mr. Perfect" because of a commitment and passion to walking a path in life that ties everything harmoniously together.  An idealist who looks for rationalizations and solutions and expresses himself in writing, is vulnerable to verbal opposition and borderline mean-spirited attacks, all of which I have experienced and expect.

That being said, I am of the opinion that the world needs idealistic thinking in order to bring about balance.  There are more than enough people willing to listen with open minds, thank goodness.  

There must be something else in my demeanor, however, that prompts people who otherwise appear to care for me to resort to the use of the "perfect" label in cynically victimizing me -- to hit me where it hurts.  I will not rest until I find an answer.  I hate to think that I am creating the wrong impression or elevating myself by drawing attention to certain situations in life that in my mind could be corrected or improved upon.

It would be so easy for me to retreat into a state of depression and cynicism of my own because I am accused of, or seen as, being something that I will never be capable of being.  I am idealistic enough to know that I am not perfect.   Never have been.  Never will be!

As idealistic and pragmatic as I try to be,  there are times when I ask myself:  "Why do I bother?"
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A perfect human being:  Man in search of the ideal of perfection.  --Pir Vilayat Khan
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Hey, wait a minute!?...

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