Come on now, be
yourself!
I have always
more or less marched to the beat of my own drummer, more so in my advancing
years. With that concession, I admit
that in my formative years I often fell into the trap of trying to impress
people by pretending to be something that I was not, or conducting myself in
ways that were unnatural and uncomfortable.
I am sure that there will be readers who know whereof I speak.
There is a need
in all of us to impress and to be liked.
Let’s face it, most of us are guilty of doing things that we do not want
to do, or don’t do things that we want to do because we are afraid of what
others might think or say about us.
Seeking approval from others is perfectly fine up to the
point where you are compromising your health and happiness in the process,
sacrificing personal wants, needs and desires. It becomes a serious
problem if you feel as though widespread positive approval from others is the
very oxygen you need to breathe.
The bottom line is that constant approval-seeking forces you
to miss out on the beauty of simply being yourself, with your own unique ideas
and desires. If you are led through life only doing and being what you’ve
come to believe is expected of you, then, in a way, you cease to live.
What I am discussing here has been described as “worshipping
the god of other people’s opinion.” We
sacrifice much for such ill-conceived, ungodly worship.
Charles Dudley Warner once said that “public opinion is
stronger than the legislature and nearly as strong as the Ten Commandments.”
“Truth is one forever absolute,” wrote Wendell Phillips,
“but opinion is truth filtered through the moods, the blood, and the
disposition of others.” It should be emphasized, however, that if one’s faith
in self is strong, the opinion of others is not as influential. I’ll substantiate that point in a minute…
One of my favorite iconic deep thinkers on this subject was
Henry David Thoreau who is quoted as saying “Public opinion is a weak tyrant
compared with our own private opinion…What a man thinks of himself, that is
what determines, or rather, indicates, his fate.” Thoreau, a pioneer in transcendentalism, encouraged
others to assert their individuality, each in his or her own way. When
neighbors talked of emulating his lifestyle, he was dismayed rather than
flattered.
“I would not have any one adopt my mode of living on any account,” he said. “For myself, I desire that there may be as
many different persons in the world as possible; but I would have each one be
very careful to find out and pursue his
own way, and not his father's or his mother's or his neighbor's
instead. The youth may build or plant or sail, only let him not be hindered
from doing that which he tells me he would like to do…We may not arrive at our
port within a calculable period, but we would preserve the true course.”
Thoreau also maintained that “If a man does not keep pace with his
companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to
the music which he hears, however measured or far away.”
Whenever quoting Thoreau, one must quote Ralph Waldo
Emmerson: “It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is
easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the
midst of a crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.”
Of course, if you live in the freedom of your own thoughts
and desires, you must give the same freedom to others. We do well to learn to accept the behavior of
others that does not fit the pattern of our own opinions. Whenever we find ourselves disapproving of
another, we should be reminded that opinion is merely opinion, not truth, and
therefore not worth getting upset about.
Others’ opinions of you and your opinions of others are the
cause of a great deal of unnecessary negative thinking. In “You
Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought, a book for people with any
life-threatening illness – including life,” John-Roger and Peter McWilliams
emphasize that we should learn to relish the differences between people. Imagine how dull the world would be if we all
thought, spoke and acted the same.
“It were not best that we should all think alike,” Mark
Twain tells us. “It is difference of
opinion that makes horse races.”
This is all by way of saying that we should applaud freedom
wherever it may surface. Learn to praise
idiosyncrasies, the eccentricities, the quirks and the singularities of others…It
will help praise our own.
And while we’re
at it…
Not completely
changing the subject, but when you need advice, who better to listen to than
someone older and wiser. No matter your age -- old or young -- time always
brings a unique perspective on the way we should have done things.
In an endearing
video, CBC Radio recently asked people of all ages -- some as
young as seven and some as old as 93 -- to share their one best piece of advice
for a person just a year younger. The brutally honest responses were both
charming and wise, covering everything from love and relationships, to money
and career, to finding your confidence.
Here are just a
few of the best pieces of advice:
- A 47-year-old. “Stop caring so much about what people think.
They're not thinking about you at all.”
- A 48-year-old, “A midlife crisis does not look good.”
- A 51-year-old, “Always tell the truth (except in your
online dating profile).”
- An 85-year-old,
“Spend all your money, or your kids will
do it for you.”
- A 93-year-old, "Don't listen to other people's advice.
Nobody knows what the hell they're doing.”
